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Roger span absent-mindedly on his stool, thoughts running wild as he stared at the lyrics in front of him. They rested on his snare-drum looking up at him teasingly; taunting him, mocking him.
He cast his mind back, frantically thinking through all of his interactions with Brian for the last few months. There were far too many to remember, but surely even he would have noticed if something was horribly wrong. And it must have been if Brian was writing lyrics like the ones he’d handed out that morning.
Roger couldn’t think of a reason why. Why the hell had Brian sat down and written such things? All of Brian’s songs came from somewhere inside of him, places where words alone couldn’t reach so he used music and lyrics to pour his heart out. This song was unlike anything that Brian had come up with before, the words so open and raw. So harsh .
Things were going great between them. Their relationship was jumping from strength to strength. They spent every night curled up together and every morning sharing sleepy kisses over much-needed coffee. Sure, they argued, but they were in a band together. They were bound to have creative differences, especially when living together and being in a relationship. It made things a little more heated, a little more passionate.
Deep down, Roger knew that Brian loved him and vice versa. The two shared a love that Roger had never felt before and knew he would never have again. Brian was it for him.
Except that maybe Brian didn’t know that. Or he didn’t feel the same way, at least.
“Rog?”
Roger startled at John’s voice and made himself look up with a smile. “Yeah?”
“You coming for a coffee? I won’t let Fred make it, I swear.”
Roger’s forced smile softened into something real at that and he shook his head with a chuckle. “No, thanks. I’ll just stay here.”
“Well, don’t stay there for too long. Your ass is going to be stuck to that damn stool.”
Roger winked and laughed again when John just rolled his eyes fondly and left the studio. Roger’s smile fell as he turned back to the lyrics in front of him and he lifted his right hand to twist the ring around his finger with a frown. Brian had given it to him only a couple of months ago, sliding it onto his finger with a sweet kiss and a whispered promise. Although now it looked as though-
“Hey, babe. John asked me to bring you this.”
Roger jumped at the new voice and ripped his hands apart, meeting Brian’s gaze hesitantly. “Oh, thanks.”
“So, what do you think?” Brian nodded down to the lyrics resting on the drumset as he handed Roger his mug of coffee and took a seat near the kit.
“What about?”
“The lyrics, Rog. Do you like the song? I know it seems a little rushed and the bit in the middle is unfinished, but what do you think?”
Roger swallowed and nodded, eyes fixed to the words that were starting to swim. “Yeah.” The word came out a little strangled and he tried again. “Yeah, babe. It’s good. Really powerful.”
There was no answer and Roger braced himself to lift his gaze and look at Brian. When he finally let himself look up, he was faced with Brian frowning at him.
“What?”
“You don’t like it,” Brian said, not sounding upset, but more-so just stating a fact. “What’s wrong with it?”
“Nothing.” Roger pursed his lips and then let out a long breath. “It’s amazing. It’s, wow, Bri. It’s a great song.”
“Then why do you look like you’re about to cry?”
Roger sniffed and lifted the lyric sheet in front of his face. “ You stabbed your knife right in my back, was it just something that I might have said? Does this mean we're falling out? I guess this means that our love has fallen out. ”
Brian stood up and took a few steps until he was standing behind Roger, his hand resting on the blond’s shoulder. “What? Does it not flow? I thought that bit went nicely, actually. It was the next bit that-”
“I love you, Brian.” Roger twisted to look over his shoulder and looked up at Brian, trying his damned hardest not to let his tears show. “I don’t want to, I didn’t… it seems - I don’t-”
“What? Hey, what are you talking about?”
“These lyrics are beautiful, Brian. They are, I swear. But I can’t sing a song about my partner falling out of love with me. I won’t do it.”
There was silence and Roger let his eyes fall closed for a moment, heart beating in his chest. He didn’t want to cry, not here in his favourite place, but he wasn’t sure if he could hold it back much longer.
“Rog, these weren’t about you.”
Wait, what? Roger opened his eyes and met Brian’s soft gaze, a small smile playing around the man’s lips.
“You and I are perfect, baby. I would never write these words about you. There’s nothing in that song that comes remotely close to our relationship, okay? And even if there was, I wouldn’t write it into a song that I showed our friends before I talked to you about it.”
Roger swallowed. He felt like such an idiot, but he couldn’t tell the small voice in the back of his head to shut up and leave him alone.
“Then why?” He couldn’t force the rest of the sentence out, but Brian seemed to get what he was asking.
“I don’t know.” Brian lifted one shoulder in a gentle shrug as they both looked down at the words in Roger’s hand. “They just started flowing when I sat down at the piano. I don’t know where they came from, angel, but I do know that they weren’t about you, okay? These could never be about you, not in a hundred years.”
When Brian’s hands curled around his shoulders, Roger leant back and rested his head against Brian’s stomach, closing his eyes again and swallowing down another wave of tears. God, he was pathetic, but the thought of having to sing was-
“We won’t do it.”
That made Roger open his eyes. “What?”
“I’ll tell Fred I don’t want to do it, that I’ve changed my mind.”
“No.” Roger pushed himself forward and spun on his chair to face Brian. “What? No. Bri, no; you wrote it. We’re doing it.”
“Not if it’s going to put that look on your face.” Brian lifted his hand and cupped Roger’s cheek, his gaze so sweet, so heartbreakingly soft.
“It’s a good song. I like it.”
Brian smiled and stroked his thumb over Roger’s cheekbone. “It’s not for us. You are far more important to me than that song.”
“No.”
Brian laughed and leant forward to kiss Roger briefly, sweetly. “Yes,” he argued. “And anyway, I can write another. Better every time.”
Roger finally laughed and lifted his hands to curl around Brian’s. There was definitely still a part of him that wanted to throw something at a wall or curl up under his covers and cry, but when he had Brian smiling at him like that, he could face anything.
“I thought I was supposed to have the ego in this relationship.”
“Oh, you do, baby. Nobody is taking that away from you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yup.” Brian leant forward once more and caught Roger’s lips in a longer, deeper kiss. “And no one is taking me, either.”