The 34 Super Sentai have long protected the happiness of this planet. Against an invasion by the Space Empire Zangyack, their powers are now in the hands of an uncanny group, Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger! Yet there is more to the story than documented in AkaRed’s files.
The afternoon sun shone through the clouds above Ageo City, Saitama. Crows, making their daily rounds to comment on the idiocy of the town’s citizens, were flying out of their usual pattern. They could tell that something much larger than themselves was making headway. There had been whisperings of it all over Japan, but in this town, they were passed off as fiction. Fiction cannot be denied when it breaks through the clouds, jets roaring and sails waving in the wind.
The Gokai Galleon, she was a majestic ship. Painted in a brilliant red and gold, with the Key and Crossed Swords flag hanging from her mast. She was spotless and rocket powered, the aesthetics of the modern age with the design of an age long since past. Something so unbelievable plowing through the skies of Japan could not be missed, and often wasn’t, as the ship docked near whatever tall structure it could find.
On board the Galleon, Captain Marvelous and the ship’s mechanic, Don Dogoier, were looking at the monitors. They had traveled a long way since their last adventure, and a large thunderstorm had been chasing them since the night before. First mate Joe Gibken and lookout Luka Millfy were not in the ship’s cabin. Luka was searching for a place to dock, and Joe was doing his morning training on the ship’s deck. Princess Ahim de Famille walked in, looking proper as always, with the robotic parrot Navi flapping behind her.
“I’ve got another clue,” said Navi, landing on her perch, “The Greatest Treasure in the Universe may be close to here!”
“Then tell us,” said Marvelous.
“Don’t be so pushy. Let’s treasure navigation!” said Navi, jetting into the air. She flew around until she smacked her head into one of the Galleon’s support beams, rattling the ship. “Look for someone who knows the history of heroes. That’s all I’ve got.”
“I wonder if that red warrior has anything to do with this,” said Marvelous.
Luka ran into the cabin. “There’s a theme park up ahead, Captain. Prepare to lower anchor!”
“Preparing to lower anchor,” said Don, tapping a button on the control panel.
The Galleon’s jets started to cool. The large black dial beneath it rolled out a heavy anchor that dug itself into the street. The townspeople gathered around to look at it. Some wondered if it was a threat. Pirates, in this day and age? They always went after the richest people first. If that was the case, the Sugisaki family would be in great danger.
Wherever the Gokaiger went, their enemies went too. Beyond the upper reaches of the Earth’s atmosphere, the chariot-like ship Gigant Horse watched the events playing out down below. Oiles Gil was stomping about the bridge as usual, leaving his subordinates to ignore him.
“Those pirates are getting craftier,” he said, “Who’s telling them how to defeat us? We’ve conquered so many planets, but yet this little blue ball of mud keeps getting in our way. I thought it wasn’t supposed to have any heroes left!”
“Your Excellency, it was only the Super Sentai that opposed us,” said Damaras, a monster built like a tank, “In human history, when heroes sacrifice themselves, more heroes always appear in their place.”
“I know about the pirates!” screamed Gil.
“Besides them,” said Damaras.
“Boss, our new Action Commander has arrived,” said Barizorg, the silver-plated cyborg.
The door to the Gigant Horse’s bridge slid open with a whooshing sound. A monster with discs across his body, including a large one on his belly and several lining his arms like armored plates, walked in. His face had a blue ring-like visor that wrapped around the front of his head. Rocket ports were on his feet and his back. He had been studying the Earth’s technology, preparing how to counterattack the Gokaiger once and for all.
“Action Commander Satsugeki is armed with a powerful variety of lasers and electromagnetic weapons,” said Barizorg, “Not only can he short circuit Earth’s technology, he’ll render their transformation phones useless as well. It’s a foolproof plan.”
“It better be,” said Gil.
“Something about this town seems... quirky,” said Insarn, relaxing on the bridge, “Your Excellency, can I send down a drone to monitor the area?”
“Will it help us win?” said Gil, preparing to return to his quarters.
“Knowledge is the key to victory,” said Insarn.
“Then I don’t care, do it!” said Gil.
A small robotic drone, chosen to obtain the form of an inconspicuous Earthen hamster, was beamed down to the planet’s surface along with the Action Commander. Damaras placed his hand to his chin and wondered why, despite the thunderstorm last night being so close to the Earth’s surface that it was out of their reach, the readings on the Gigant Horse’s computers were slightly off from the day before. It was as though they’d lost contact with an entire other dimension.
Kamohashi Elementary School’s Class 6-3 were enjoying their day off. In due time, it would be Monday again, and they would be forced to confront each other’s oddities for another week, but for now, this open city was theirs. Miku, the daughter of the Sugisaki family, had not heard about the Galleon docking. She was too young for such news, and was spending the day with her friends doing the things she loved the most.
Stalking and photographing Mitsuba Marui so she could blackmail her later.
“The things she thinks can get away with when nobody’s looking. Look at this one of her stuck under the fence,” said Miku, clicking through the pictures on her cell phone with devilish glee.
“You could have helped her out,” said Miyashita, the tallest of the three.
“Why would I do that?” asked Miku.
“Extending your hand to someone, seeing their butt on the other side of the fence. It’s a chance for love,” said the last of Team Sugisaki, Yuki Yoshioka. Her bushy eyebrows wiggled with delight.
“So, you guys want to head back to my place for some snacks?” asked Mitsuba, changing tone breathlessly.
The sound of feet stomping in sync interrupted Miku’s train of thought. Action Commander Satsugeki was leading a charge of Gormin and Sugormin troops across the streets. The weaponry the silver warriors and bulkier blue warriors were armed with wasn’t the top of the line for the Zangyack, but there was strength in numbers. It hadn’t taken them very long to find hostages.
“Information! Information for me to gather!” said Satsugeki, pointing his twin cannons at Team Sugisaki.
The discs in his body started to spin. Energy flowed to the lasers on his hand. They lit up red and blinked. A blast of energy shot out in tandem, but before it could reach Miku, a stray bullet knocked Satsugeki’s arms upward. The beams shot into the sky, grazing the corner of Miku’s cell.
“You corrupted my photos, you jerk!” shouted Miku.
“Hey, Zangyack,” said a cool voice from the other side of the street. The owner of the gun revealed himself. Captain Marvelous had fired the shot that saved the girls. “We need this street to get our ship overhauled. Get out of the way.”
“Marvelous, what about the children you saved?” asked Ahim.
“They’ll flee,” said Marvelous.
“What are you supposed to be?” asked Luka, posing with her hand on her hip.
Miku, Yuki and Miyashita ran into a nearby alleyway. Miyashita peeked her head out. The clothes of these people were far too elaborate to be from around here.
“You sure this is the place, Doc?” asked Joe.
“Let’s get this over with,” said Don.
The people in strange garb produced five bright red phones from within their jackets. They flipped them open with gusto, revealing two swords on the upper half of the cell. In their opposite hand, they held a miniature figure of a swashbuckling warrior in their designated color. The figures flipped up, revealing a silver key.
The Ranger Keys were inserted into the Mobirates and turned. The top of the phone split open, revealing the emblem on the Galleon’s flag. To the girls in the alley, it appeared as flash of light.
“GO~KAIGER!” the phone shouted.
Three Xs and a V in five colors shot out from the phone and flew backwards like a boomerang. When the light faded, five fully suited pirates stood in their place.
“Gokai Red,” said Marvelous.
“Gokai Blue,” said Joe, tipping his helmet.
“Gokai Yellow,” said Luka.
“Gokai Green,” said Don, running his hands down his legs.
“Gokai Pink,” said Ahim.
“Kaizoku Sentai,” Marvelous said, the team finishing their announcement together, “Gokaiger!”
They each revealed a bright red pistol and cutlass adorned much the same as the Galleon. Marvelous fired a few more rounds into Satsugeki’s arms. He looked to his teammates before they, together, walked forward into the battle.
“Let’s go with style,” said the captain.
Marvelous scattered shots from his Gokai Gun in rapid succession, taking down many of the Gormin in one shot. He charged ahead and cut down those attempting to push him back with his Gokai Saber. Sparks flew through the air. Satsugeki summoned another wave of troops, with several more Sugormin than before. Marvelous rushed ahead towards the Action Commander, leaving his teammates to clear the way.
Joe blocked with his Gokai Saber while cutting through the torso of the Gormin troops. On the opposite side of the street, Don was crouching down, trying to shoot as low as possible. The Sugormin weren’t well protected below their chests. Don called out to Joe. The Sugormin were momentarily distracted.
“Over here!” Don shouted.
“Good luck, Doc,” said Joe.
Joe threw his Gokai Gun at Don, who returned his Saber in turn. Joe used his twin swords to slice through the Sugormin’s shoulders, taking out their main weaponry and causing them to explode. Don unleashed a storm of bullets from his gun, riddling the Sugormin troops with holes in their lower torso. Robotic soldiers exploded around them.
Ahim and Luka stood back to back. Underneath their arms, they swapped out a Saber and Gun each. Ahim spun her twin guns around in her hands. Alternating waves of bullets shot out from her guns while she and Luka rotated around. With the Sugormin stunned, Luka charged ahead, hacking like crazy. She posed on one knee in the middle of the battlefield as the troops exploded into shrapnel.
Marvelous held his gun to Satsugeki’s face and his sword to his neck. Satsugeki had his arm pointed at Marvelous’ face. The two squared off. Marvelous ducked and unleashed a single bullet. Satsugeki, in a sudden burst of speed, vanished from the battlefield, cursing the Gokaiger as he left. Five colored Xs radiated out from the suits as the Gokaiger returned to their civilian form.
“What happened to those girls that were here? Are they safe?” asked Ahim.
In the alleyway, Team Sugisaki was discussing amongst themselves.
“I should totally keep this a secret,” said Miku, “Something I can lord over that stupid Mitsuba.”
“The captain is such a lovely man,” said Yuki. “I wonder if he’s dating anyone. Miya?”
Miyashita was still clinging to the brick wall. Her eyes had gone white with shock. She turned to the others and let out one sentence.
“I have to find Youngest!”
“Miya, it’s dangerous out the-” said Miku. Before she could complete her sentence, Miyashita was gone.
The Gokaiger began looking for ship parts. As they lacked money, they planned on stealing them through an ingenious plan involving Don performing a dance. It hadn’t failed them yet.
Satoshi Yabe was not paying attention to his TV, despite the volume being turned up very loud and the news ticker speaking of the large pirate ship that had docked near the theme park. His thoughts were louder than the TV. He was looking at a picture he had been keeping in his wallet for several days now. Today was the day he was going to confess and take the first step down the road of not remaining a cherry boy for the rest of his life.
“Dr. Kuriyama, you’re so beautiful,” he said, “That cute face, that voice, those...”
“Nipples?” asked a voice behind Yabe.
“Yes, those too - wait, Hitoha, what are you doing here?” said Yabe, turning around.
“Dr. Kuriyama isn’t going to want to date someone who’s a pervert,” said the sixth grader, scouring every corner of Yabe’s apartment for the plastic cage hidden beneath the piles of porn mags and Gachiranger merchandise.
“You’re the one who carries a book like that around,” said Yabe, dropping the picture onto the ground. “Stop breaking into my apartment.”
“I was looking for Nipples,” answered Hitoha.
Yabe had given the hamster a supply of food that could last him a week and tucked him away on the corner of his desk. Over the week, paperwork and his amateur Gachiranger comics stacked up until only the tip of the cage was visible. Hitoha ignored every bit of damning evidence that her eldest sister would have eaten up, her single minded determination overtaking her.
Hitoha reached into Yabe’s pantry and found a cup of instant ramen.
“I’m trying to prepare for a date,” said Yabe.
“You’re going in that?” said Hitoha.
Yabe was dressed in his best casual wear. The most expensive thing in his wardrobe was an adult size GachiRed jacket, and without wearing the toy belt that went with it, it didn’t look right. It passed for a causal outfit, but it was too stylized. Yabe’s face turned into a pathetic sigh. He knew that under her dress, Hitoha was wearing the exact same belt.
“I didn’t get lunch either. Mitsuba had a midnight snack,” said Hitoha.
Hitoha poured boiling water into the cup. The scent of plastic and noodles wafted through the air. Yabe, already hungry himself from a day of choosing the right outfit to wear, was starting to feel hungry himself. Hitoha felt something nibbling on her socks. She bent down to the ground as Yabe averted his eyes.
The hamster was cuddling up against its owner. Hitoha let him onto her palm. Nipples rubbed his nose against Hitoha’s soft cheeks. He felt significantly warmer than usual, Hitoha thought, but that might have been from running around searching for her. Hitoha placed Nipples in his hamster ball and took it into her palm. She walked towards the front door and put her shoes back on, not even saying goodbye to Yabe as she exited.
“Hitoha? What about your...?” Yabe asked.
The instant ramen remained at its spot on the table. Hitoha had found her hamster, and wouldn’t be coming back. Neither man nor beast nor god was watching him, leaving Yabe free to act on his own devices. He reached out towards the sacred paper cup, grabbing a handful of the noodles with a nearby pair of chopsticks. The boiling water, the feeling of losing most of the sensation in his tongue, a strong aftertaste filling his nostrils.
“SPICY!” Yabe shouted, loud enough that Hitoha could hear him outside.
If Hitoha had bothered to look at the hamster’s back, she would have noticed a strange pattern in his fur. Two dragons standing opposite each other on a shield, representing technology and the mystical arts. The emblem of the Zangyack. Insarn’s hamster drone was still a hamster. The scientist, reading the reports aboard the Gigant Horse, wondered what technology could interfere with her drone’s scouting range.
Hitoha walked down the street, enjoying her scenery on the way to the arcade. She’d heard that Futaba and Shinya were there. It would be a good chance to give Chiba some retribution. Hitoha turned the street corner when she saw someone running up to her, someone easily twice her height and out of breath. The brown haired girl learned against the nearby wall.
“Youngest, there you are,” she said. “I have huge news!”
“Oh, Miyasomethingorother,” said Hitoha in a deadpan tone, “Hello.”
“It’s Miyashita!” she said. “Youngest, you’re a fan of those Sentai Heroes aren’t you?”
Hitoha kept on walking. Miyashita had tried this before, but unlike the rest of the class, she had never seen an episode of Gachiranger in her life. Someone like that wasn’t worth her time.
“These are real,” said Miyashita.
“I’ve met the real ones. At the amusement park. Now get out of my face,” said Hitoha.
“These are even more real than that. There were real monsters and these robotic troops that had me and Yoshioka and Sugisaki trapped. They were pretty good people for pirates,” said Miyashita.
“Pirates? Now I know you’re making it up,” said Hitoha.
“I’ll prove it to you no matter what,” said Miyashita, “Just you wait and see.”
Back in the shopping district, the Gokaiger were exiting the store with all the parts they would need to patch up the Galleon’s engines. Don had never danced for so long in his life. Or had such a close run in with the police. His bleached blonde hair was enough for the cops to consider him suspicious. After Don explained his story about coming from another world, the cops let him go on the basis of being too cowardly to actually do anything.
“They said there’s a molester in this city,” said Don, “Are we sure we docked in a safe place?”
“The Zangyack are always following us. No place is safe,” said Joe.
A TV in the shop beside them started playing a commercial. Five heroes in colored spandex stood on the edge of a rock quarry, striking a pose as colored explosions appeared behind them.’
“Honki Sentai Gachiranger! Airing Sundays at 7:30,” said the announcer’s voice.
“Gachiranger?” asked Luka.
“I thought the Gokaiger were the only warriors active,” said Ahim.
“Looks like we’re gonna have to fight for this turf if we want to continue,” said Marvelous, “They don’t look so tough.”
At that moment, Yabe came walking through the district. He was looking down at his shoes, reading off an index card he had stashed in his pocket. Futaba had told hiim that Dr. Kuriyama was down near the arcades today, having a girls’ day out. The quickest way to the arcade was through the shopping district. The sun was starting to get to him. He turned around and saw the Gokaiger.
“Why are you dressed like that?” he said. His mind added, “Finally, I’m no longer the weirdest person around here.”
“Oh, we’re pirates,” answered Don.
Luka slapped Don over the head.
Marvelous stared at Yabe’s waist, and then turned his gaze back on his shipmates. “I think we’ve found our man.”
“What makes you so sure, captain?” asked Joe.
“That belt, those clothes, that voice. This man’s a legend around here. He’s the one that knows the history of heroes. This could be the thing that leads us to the Greatest Treasure in the Universe. Ahim, come with me,” he said.
“What are the rest of us supposed to do?” asked Don.
“Get rid of the Action Commander,” said Marvelous.
Luka was frustrated that they would have to spend much longer in this city in the middle of nowhere, but the captain’s orders were absolute. The Galleon flew overhead and lowered its ropes, pulling in the three while Marvelous and Ahim ran ahead. On top of a nearby office building, Satsugeki laughed. Taking down the Gokaiger would be one thing, but subduing another set of heroes would put him up higher in Commander Gils’ ranks.
“Insarn, have you gotten any information on this city?” asked Satsugeki.
“My service drone has been captured by a black haired girl,” said Insarn over the radio. “Track her down.”
“Understood,” said Satsugeki.
Yabe arrived in the area where Dr. Kuriyama was rumored to be. She was walking out of the convience store with a plastic bag full of things both medical and edible. They looked heavy. Yabe, his face red, started walking up to the nurse. He heard the sound of footsteps behind him, and turned around to see Captain Marvelous and Ahim standing before him. Marvelous had his arms crossed.
“Can I help you?” asked Yabe.
“Are you the one who knows the history of heroes?” asked Marvelous.
“It’s the GachiBelt, isn’t it?” Yabe asked. “I suppose I know a thing or two about the Gachiranger.”
“So you’re Hiro Akai?” asked Ahim.
Hiro Akai did not exist. His actor, Asuka Ueno, did, but he was nowhere near this city. Yabe had always been told he looked like that man, but now these strange people, these space pirates, had mistaken him for not only Ueno, but Ueno’s most famous role. It was so much to take in that all Yabe could blurt out was a weak “Yes”.
“Tell us what you know about the Greatest Treasure in the Universe,” said Marvelous.
“I can’t. You see, there’s this girl I’m trying to follow, and I think she’s no longer here. I failed again,” said Yabe, tears running down his cheeks.
“Could it be her?” said Ahim, “We’ve seen your broadcasts playing on the TVs.”
“At least tell me who you are first,” said Yabe.
“The Gokaiger,” said Marvelous, “and we’ll have you know that we’re the ones in charge.”
Hitoha was passing by the TV studio in the center of town. Miyashita had been trailing her this whole time, and was starting to run out of breath. Though she was in the basketball club, she had never had to do this much running. Hitoha looked up from her porn book and saw that Nipples was acting jittery. Hitoha heard the sounds of someone munching on cheap food.
Her older sister, the blonde Mitsuba, approached. Her belly was sticking out from underneath her clothes just a little bit. She was ignoring it, but if someone drew attention to it, they would be met with the anger of a sixth grader. Nipples rolled across the sidewalk and over to Mitsuba.
“Hi, Hitoha. Hi, Nipples,” Mitsuba said, “Taking him out for a walk?”
“Be very careful with him,” said Hitoha, glaring at her older sister. Her eyes had become bulged and bloodshot, and a dark aura surrounded her.
“Okay, okay, yeesh. Dummy,” said Mitsuba, “It’s just the food.”
“It’s always ‘just’ the food for you. Then your panties don’t fit,” said Hitoha.
“Shut up!” said Mitsuba.
Back on the Gigant Horse, the relatively weak signal on the hamster drone was coming in stronger than ever. Insarn was watching the readings intensely. The drone was picking up a massive burst of electronic signals, broadcasting a message of hope from the Gachiranger, but those were overwhelmed by something much stronger, much closer, much more interesting.
“What is it about this little girl?” asked Insarn, “She’s so interesting. Her insecurity shows so clearly, yet she refuses to acknowledge it. She even wishes to be ruler of the city. If only the Zangyack was still recruiting.”
“Let me look at that,” said Damaras, taking a seat beside her.
Damaras tapped into the Gigant Horse’s communication, and sent a message to Satsugeki. “Go to these coordinates. Blast the station until it’s nothing but white noise,” he said.
Miyashita, having caught her breath, stood behind Hitoha.
“You’re still here?” asked the youngest.
“I’m telling you, pirate Rangers really do exist,” she said.
“I’m not going to believe you,” said Hitoha.
“Oh, it’s Miyanaka,” said Mitsuba. “Still stalking my sister?”
The Zangyack hamster stopped running against the momentum of his ball. He pushed the plastic sphere onto the ground and rolled to the edge of the block. Satsugeki walked over and picked up the ball, placing it in a spherical compartment in his chest. The hamster ran as hamsters do, charging up Satsugeki’s EMP weapons. He aimed one hand at the TV station, and another at the girls.
“I was asked to kill you,” he said, “This won’t hurt.”
“Fu-futaba? Where are you?” asked Mitsuba.
“It’s you!” said Miyashita, “You’re that guy from back then.”
Hitoha could think of nothing. It was the same as when she was underwater. This was hardly enough time to say goodbye to this world.
“Captain’s orders. Hands off,” said a deep voice from the distance.
Luka was leading Joe and Don into battle. She had already drawn her Gokai Saber, and was pointing it at Satsugeki’s chest compartment. Satsugeki turned around and pointed both of his cannons, the energy in them glowing brighter by the second, at the heroes.
“So you finally show up, Gokaiger,” he said.
“Gokaiger?” Hitoha asked.
“Yes,” said Don.
“Didn’t think we’d stay in this joint for so long,” said Luka, “Everyone!”
“GO~KAIGER!” yelled the Mobirates.
They drew out their Mobirates once again. The Gokai Ranger Keys were inserted and turned. The twin swords popped open to reveal the key, and the color coded Xs shot out across their bodies, dissolving into the forms of their spandex suits.
“Gormin, get them!” said Satsugeki.
A horde of Gormin and Sugormin were summoned. In turn, the Gokaiger pulled out another set of Ranger Keys.
Joe’s bore the image of a Ranger crossed with a samurai and a kendo practitioner.
Luka’s had a white scarf and a large golden star on the chest and helmet.
Don’s had a sun symbol on the chest and helmet, with a blue V-shaped section on the suit’s chest.
“Let’s see what these things can do,” said Luka.
“BLA~DE BRAVER!” said Joe’s Mobirates.
“STA~RRANGER!” yelled Luka’s.
“WEA~THER THREE!” said Don’s.
Hitoha was baffled by Red Star having a skirt most of all. Who were these people, breaking the rules of being a Ranger with such ease?
Three Red Rangers stood before Satsugeki, from teams he had never seen before. He had enough backup troops, and retreated for now. These three had a bounty not nearly as high as Marvelous. If he could bring him in, he might even get promoted to Master Gils’ main staff. The hamster in him kept running, and Satsugeki teleported away.
“It looks like I was wrong to doubt you, Miyanaga,” said Hitoha. “You’re slightly more tolerable than I thought.”
“Miya- look, forget it,” said Miyashita.
Joe charged forth into battle, swiping away at the Gormin with Red Braver’s sword. They fell in droves as sparks flew from their bodies. Joe spun around, fire coming from the tip of his sword, and took out enough to clear the way for a Sugormin. The Sugormin pointed his clawed hand towards Joe.
“Now, it’s my turn,” Joe said, “Atomic Fire Blade!”
He bounded off the Sugormin’s arm and set Red Braver’s sword ablaze. The red hot steel cut through the Sugormin’s armor. Joe split it down the middle. The robotic soldier’s left and right sides of his circuitry tried to communicate with each other for a final order, but the flames had already taken over. The Sugormin exploded in a shower of blue metal.
Luka was casually fending off the Gormin with her new powers. She backflipped into the air and landed on her feet, sending a wave of red energy out from her belt. The Gormin short circuited, and then exploded. Two Sugormin on opposite ends of the street aimed their cannons at her. Luka ducked underneath one of them, letting him take aim at his comrade. As the Sugormin backed away from the recoil, Luka grabbed onto his shoulders and flipped over him, now facing his front.
“Starlight Knuckle!” said Luka.
Luka’s fist shone with a bright red light. She delivered a strong blow to the side of the Sugormin’s head, completely disabling him.
“Hey, Doc, how’s it going?” asked Luka.
The battle suit of Weather Sun Red had granted Doc more power in his fists than his GokaiGreen suit had. A single punch sent a Gormin stumbling backwards into another one, and that into another one. Don rubbed his hands together and felt a surge of heat flowing through them. The sheer mass of the fireball he created would have normally overwhelmed him, but it felt as light as air in his hands.
“Corona Attack!” Don said, throwing the fireball until all but one Sugormin was left. “Alright, let’s give this a try. Sun Shoot!” Don reached into the holster on his belt, producing a small red pistol. He clicked on the trigger, expecting a burst of heat to shoot outwards. Nothing but an annoying clicking noise. Don checked the weapon and saw that it only had 5% charge left.
The Sugormin fired a barrage of blue energy from his gauntlets, knocking Don and the others out of their second and first level transformations. He held out his clawed hand to Luka. “It would be a shame to kill these...beautiful breasts...” said the Sugormin.
“Dummy,” shouted Mitsuba from the sidelines.
In the course of the fight, Don had knocked the Sugormin’s communicator on, causing his voice to come through the hamster drone. The drone and Satsugeki were by the arcades. Futaba was also there, and overheard the Sugormin’s warning when she was coming back from the bathroom. With speed inhuman, she took off towards the TV station. Shinya and Airi and Chiba and everyone else would have to wait.
The Sugormin didn’t know what hit him. The bare foot of a sixth grader slammed into the side of his head with incredible force, sending him tumbling into a nearby trashcan, where he promptly exploded. Though Luka’s body was bruised and covered in dirt, Futaba snuggled up against her chest, making sure the breasts she had heard about were safe and bouncy.
“Excuse me, who are you?” asked Luka.
“This is my sister, Futaba,” said Hitoha.
“How could a little girl get here so fast?” asked Don, standing up and grabbing his arm.
“That’s Futaba for you,” said Mitsuba, “Who are you three perverts anyway? Walking around in pirate clothes like you’re pirates or something.”
“We are pirates,” said Joe.
“Oh,” said Mitsuba in disbelief, her eyes going blank.
“What are you here for anyway?” asked Hitoha.
“It was supposed to be ship repairs,” said Don, getting his arm joints back in the right place, “but our captain and the princess went after a man wearing a weird belt.”
“Mr. Yabe,” Hitoha said.
“Any heroes who still have their powers are in grave danger,” said Joe.
“Yabecchi must have been going to ask Kuriyamacchi out,” said Futaba.
“He’s in grave danger,” said Miyashita, “Mr. Yabe can never get a date.”
“So, do you have any idea where they are?” asked Luka.
A wind blew past. Three crows flew overhead, squawking to the sixth graders and pirates down below. To the people down below, it sounded like “Dumbass! Dumbass!”. They continued flying in the direction of the Gokai Galleon.
Dr. Kuriyama was waving to the people on the streets as she walked back towards her apartment. She’d gotten her glasses patched up and picked up several new rolls of gauze, all for her students. She heard the footsteps of someone walking up behind her. Yabe’s voice could be heard coming from a nearby alley.
“Dr. Kuriyama...” he said.
“Who is it?” said Kuriyama, turning around. Her glasses were knocked onto the ground by the cold metallic hand of Satsugeki. This girl was important to the red hero of this city, and would make a fine target.
“The Zangyack will-” Satsugeki began.
“It looks like you’re hurt,” said Kuriyama, noticing the large blue discs on his hand. “Your hand shouldn’t be glowing like that. Don’t worry, I’ll make it all better.”
“I said, the Zangyack-”
“Healing...” she extended her gauze out to arms’ length, “Rolling!”
Satsugeki’s left arm had been incapacitated. He heard the sound of a gun in the distance, and turned around to see Ahim and Captain Marvelous arriving, with Yabe close behind.
“Stay safe,” said Ahim.
“I’ve been waiting for this,” said Marvelous.
Ahim fired her gun at Satsugeki as Marvelous ran ahead with his sword thrust out. The Action Commander turned to let the hamster ball absorb the blow of both shots. The drone was freed from within, and scampered down his leg. Satsugeki held his arm out and shot Kuriyama’s gauze back at her, binding her arms to her body. With his other arm, he increased the hamster’s size until it was on equal footing with him. It now stood on its hind legs, squeaking evilly.
“Wheelron, finish them,” said Satsugeki.
The hamster fired twin beams from his hands at Marvelous and Ahim. They rolled out of the way and retaliated with twin blasts from their Gokai Guns.
“I hope Hitoha’s okay,” said Yabe. “What am I supposed to do? I’m not Hiro Akai. I’m not even Ueno.”
“Don’t be silly,” said Ahim, “We’ve seen what you do on TV.”
“She’s your lady, isn’t she?” said Marvelous, “Be strong!”
Yabe was an honest man, if nothing else. He wasn’t any of these things these pirates claimed he was, but if there was a time to stand up, it was now. Yabe adjusted his jacket and looked down at his belt. He could feel his Gachi-anger welling up in him. That was his crush they were holding hostage.
“Who’s there?” asked Kuriyama. Her glasses were lying on the ground just in front of her.
“When she can see again, I want the first thing she sees to be me,” said Yabe, stepping in front of Marvelous and Ahim and punching in on his GachiBelt, “I’m going in! Dr. Kuriyama!” The tinny electronic beeps of the belt played, confusing the two monsters.
Satsugeki fired a barrage of razor sharp, rainbow discs from his arm cannons. Yabe dived out of the way, skidding across the concrete. He grabbed Dr. Kuriyama’s glasses. With one hand, he wrapped his arm around her waist, while sliding the glasses back onto the bridge of her nose with the other hand. One of Satsugeki’s discs rebounded back off a street lamp, cutting through the gauze and leaving a mark on his arm. Yabe and Kuriyama leaned against a nearby bench, bruised but safe.
“Hi, Mr. Yabe!” said Kuriyama.
“Aiko,” said Yabe, blurting out her first name without thinking.
“Wow. Incredible,” said Kuriyama.
“Thank you. But really, thank the Gachiranger,” said Yabe, congratulating himself.
“Those pirates are incredible!” exclaimed the school nurse.
Ahim and Marvelous produced two Ranger Keys from within their belts. Marvelous’ was a red suit with black highlights and a golden belt, as well as two flame designs on the side of the helmet. Ahim’s had a one color suit with a low cut top, and a helmet bearing a heart mark. The two Rangers stopped for a brief huddle session. Ahim stuck her Ranger Key into Marvelous’ Mobirates, and he did the same. They turned around to face Satsugeki.
“EMP Wave!” shouted Satsugeki, releasing a burst of energy from his hands.
“CO~LOR RANGER!” said Ahim’s phone.
“PA~IRANGER!” said Marvelous’.
The smoke cleared, and two new Rangers stood in place of Gokai Red and Pink.
The Color Ranger powers were never meant to be used by a female, and so a skirt had been added. The Pairanger powers were never meant to be used by a male, and the skirt had been removed. The low cut top had not. Which is not to say Marvelous did not have the cleavage to wear it. He was a pirate captain, having pecs worthy of a sailor was expected of him. Satsugeki, Wheelron, and everyone in the vicinity was confused at this gender bending display of power.
“Battle Match!” said Ahim, summoning a tiny flame into the palm of her hand.
Wheelron squeaked derisively at her. Ahim summoned another flame into her left hand, and ran at the space hamster, punching him in rhythm. It served to remind the hamster that even though it was a tiny flame, it was still a flame. Burn marks appeared over the hamster’s fur; he jumped around frantically.
“What are you doing?” asked Satsugeki of the captain, who had been posing with the gun he found in his holster.
“It’s not me you should be worried about,” said Marvelous, “it’s my crew.”
The Galleon appeared overhead, rockets flaring. Joe, Don and Luka descended on ropes, already in their Ranger suits. The sound of bare feet stomping against the street was heard. Futaba, carrying her sisters on her shoulders, appeared at the scene of the battle. She set them down near Yabe, leaving Miyashita to catch up on her own, out of breath. Her transport duties done, Futaba ran up to Marvelous and began feeling up his pecs.
“These aren’t soft,” she said, “It’s like a man’s chest. I thought there were boobies here.”
“Did you know that would work?” asked Joe.
“If I distracted him long enough, something would have to work,” said Marvelous.
“Thanks, Ahim,” said Don, “Leave the rest up to us.”
Joe, Don and Luka tapped on the top of their belt.
Joe’s Ranger Key was red with black gloves and boots, the upper half of the suit resembling an artist’s smock. Four large black buttons were on the chest, cat ears had been sculpted onto the helmet, and the visor was green.
Luka’s was red and white, with a wing design on the chest, golden shoulder cuffs and a red scarf.
Don’s Key also had a red scarf, with white boots and gloves, and resembled a sailor uniform. The emblem of Mahora Academy was on the chest.
Don and Joe’s outfits had skirts removed. Joe reached into into the pocket of his suit and produced five sharpened number two pencils. “Rough Sketch!” Joe shouted, tossing the pencils at Wheelron, pinning him against a nearby wall.
Don rushed in and began kicking. Ahim joined him. With his legs and her arms blazing with the red fire of justice, Wheelron was worn down. The hamster drone’s body was sparking. Wires were starting to show around his shoulders and eye. Luka held her hands into the sky, summoning a winged blade.
“Angel Sword!” Luka shouted, “Marvelous, catch!”
Marvelous gripped the giant blade between his palms.
“So what are you going to- whoa!” said Don, who was promptly picked up by Luka and used as a bludgeon.
Luka set the Doc down and cleared the way for Marvelous who, with a passionate yell, sliced through Wheelron. The Angel Sword and the other Ranger suits vanished as the Gokaiger returned to their default suits. Satsugeki removed the last traces of gauze from his hand and stared at the Gokaiger.
“Don’t think it ends here,” he said.
“Akai, this is for that fan of yours,” said Marvelous, “Watch!”
Ranger Keys with white highlights, capes and a belt like Yabe and Hitoha’s were drawn from the belts of the Gokaiger. They flipped the Keys upward and inserted them into the Mobirates.
Colored energy ran up the bodies of the five, with the helmets being the last thing replaced.
The team struck the same pose as the heroes Hitoha and Yabe come to admire.
“Let’s go with style,” said Marvelous as Gachi Red.
Hitoha could hear the Gachiranger theme song playing in her head as she looked upon the heroes.
“The Black one was Green and Yellow’s a girl, but they’re the real deal. The real Gachiranger,” said Hitoha.
“See, Youngest?” asked Miyashita.
“Who are you?” said Hitoha immediately, zapping Miyashita’s happiness.
The Gokaiger flexed their arms. A three-pronged claw appeared on the end of their right fist. Satsugeki sent a wave of electrically charged discs at the heroes, but their Gachi Knuckles sliced them to bits. Satsugeki was clobbered upside the head by Marvelous’ silver claws, knocking him onto his back.
“Feel our Gachi-anger!” said Marvelous, pounding his head with righteous fury. Three silver scrapes were left where the Knuckle had made contact. EMP waves flew out from Satsugeki’s core in a last ditch attempt, but the Gokaiger didn’t feel a thing. Their anger shielded them.
Joe said the same thing as he struck the Action Commander’s Arm. So did Luka, striking his other arm. Ahim hit his leg. Don went straight for the groin. This continued for a minute or two until Satsugeki was left beaten. He tried to protest, but protesting is hard to do when Luka’s fist met with his neck.
On the sidelines, Hitoha and Yabe were cheering them on all the while. Futaba was pleased that Gachi Yellow was now a girl, and had her breasts visible beneath the spandex. She mimed massage motions with her fingers. Mitsuba tried to deny being interested in the battle, but she kept sneaking glances out of the corner of her eye.
The Gokaiger powered down from their Gachiranger state, but still had the Ranger Keys on hand. The five Gachiranger Keys were inserted into the top of the Gokai Gun and pressed inward. The emblem on the guns lit up in the five colors, with Don’s being black. Colored energy gathered at the end of the barrel.
“FI~NAL WA~VE!” shouted a voice from the Guns.
“Gachi Sun Flash!” said the five Gokaiger in unison.
Bullets fired out from the Gokai Gun and transformed into rays of pure light. The lights converged into one and struck Satsugeki directly on his chest. His entire body glowed bright red before sparking out and exploding. The Gokaiger turned around, posing, ignoring the minor shock wave that spread through the area.
“Go-kaiger!” shouted Mitsuba.
“They are awesome, aren’t they?” asked Dr. Kuriyama.
“I-it’s just because they saved me,” said Mitsuba, trying to save face.
There was precious little time to celebrate. On the Gigant Horse, Insarn said nothing. She grabbed the growth cannons’ control trigger with a placid anger. The twin beam weapons converged, firing down upon the Earth. On the spot, Satsugeki and Wheelron returned at several times their size. The TV station, once a long walk away, was now within the Action Commander’s range. He fired his beam at it, only to be intercepted by the large red pirate ship, its masts flying in the wind.
Marvelous and crew grabbed onto the ropes and boarded the ship. The Galleon opened up, revealing Jet, Trailer, Racer and Marine. Joe, Don, Luka and Ahim grabbed onto their steering wheels and looked up towards the heavens with their captain. Hitoha and Yabe knew what was coming next, pumping their arms in excitement.
“Kaizoku Gattai!” said Marvelous.
The machines rode into the upper atmosphere in unison. The submarine and trailer folded their front sections upwards. Jet retracted its wings, and Racer folded up its wheels. The Galleon lowered its wings and sails as the plane and race car clamped onto the sides. Gokai Galleon’s bow split in two and released the twin swords hiding within, which attached to the waist. The girls’ machines slid onto the boosters as the Jet’s back lowered onto the Galleon’s revealed head.
“Complete, GokaiOh! Full speed ahead!”
GokaiOh flew downward like a comet, briefly blocking out the sun on its descent. Both of its legs extended out, crashing through Wheelron’s fragile exterior. The giant rodent was sent flying backwards into Satsugeki, dealing a significant amount of damage. Satsugeki fired off a barrage of discs from his arms. GokaiOh jumped out of the way like a gymnast. When it righted itself, the remaining discs were sliced through with the robot’s twin sabers.
Below, Hitoha was sitting on Yabe’s shoulders, eager to get closer to the giant robot fight. She could smell the exhaust coming from the robot’s joints, heard every clang of it and Satsugeki’s battle, and felt the impact of every sword slash coursing through her body. Her adrenaline had been pumping when she saw such a sight in front of the TV on Sunday mornings, but this was on a whole different level.
“Gokaiger!” Yabe shouted.
GokaiOh turned its head downward, making sure to slash Satsugeki with its free arm. The Action Commander’s chest compartment had a small nick inside, something even he hadn’t noticed yet.
“You really are the Gachiranger,” said Hitoha.
“Fight! Fight!” shouted Kuriyama beside them.
The five tapped their belt buckles, rotating out their Gokaier keys. They placed them into the control panel ahead of them, activating GokaiOh’s finisher.
“Ranger Key! Let’s Go!”
The dial on GokaiOh’s back began to spin. Its limb compartments opened up to reveal an unlimited supply of cannonballs loading, four at a time, into the large cannon protruding from GokaiOh’s chest. The robot’s feet buried themselves into the ground, stabilizing the attack. Marvelous and his crew spun their steering wheels, doubling the rate the robot launched its projectiles.
“Gokai Star Burst!” they said together.
Satsugeki’s body could withstand much, but as soon as one of the cannonballs lodged itself in his chest, the crack started to spread outward. His body caught on fire and began smoking. He raised his arms to the sky in fury, and then exploded. GokaiOh turned around and locked up its body compartments, posing victoriously.
Hitoha was nervous. Her face had turned pale, and her hand was shaking. Captain Marvelous was offering to shake her hand before she left. What should she say to him? Should she say anything at all? Marvelous took the initiative and shook her hand himself. He took a brief glance down at the book in her hand.
“You’re quite bold for a young lady,” he said.
“Th-thank you,” she said.
Futaba was jumping up excitedly, trying to grab one last feel of Luka’s breasts before she boarded the Galleon once more. Joe was keeping her at arms’ length.
“Let’s go, Futaba. That pervert Satou is probably missing you,” she said.
“Oh, I forgot all about Shin,” said Futaba.
“Thank you for defending the peace of this city. Keep up the good work,” said Ahim to Dr. Kuriyama.
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“You’re Haruna and Akai. The ones on TV, yes?” asked Marvelous.
“Oh, no, no,” said Yabe, “I’m just an ordinary elementary school teacher.”
“I was mistaken for an actress?” said Kuriyama to herself, “Wow, that’s incredible.”
“You’re still not a bad guy,” said Marvelous, waving goodbye, “I almost believed you were a hero for a second.”
“Almost... a hero...” said Yabe to himself. He turned to Marvelous and yelled, “I’ll become a real one someday!”
“Hey, Doc, hurry it up!” said Luka, shouting to a nearby table.
Don had offered to buy a drink for Miyashita. The two of them were exchanging the stories of their life. No matter how much they tried, no respect. Don was halfway through his second can of tea when Luka bopped him on the head and dragged him back towards the group by the collar.
“Farewell, Miyashita, my friend,” he said.
“Farewell,” said Miyashita.
The Gokaiger grabbed onto the ropes of the Galleon. The massive red ship, her sails blowing in the afternoon wind, set course towards the next destination. The Greatest Treasure in the Universe was out there somewhere.
“So... where’s the real Nipples?” asked Hitoha, her face becoming demonic once again.
“He’s safe, he’s safe,” said Yabe. “So, Dr. Kuriyama, about that date...”
“Not right now,” she said, “I have to call up my friends. Is the resemblance really that close?”
Once again, the Ageo crows flew overhead, squawking their sad refrain. They flew past the Galleon to meet their brethren. As the red ship sailed into the setting sun, a voice could be heard from the top of the mast. Luka was swatting away at the black birds with her spyglass.
“Where are all these crows coming from?”