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ICD-10 X99 To The Heart

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Admittedly, he was kind of an idiot. As a future police officer, Hagiwara really should've known better.

But he didn't, which is why he ended up like this. On the ground, dirty and bleeding and in pain.
He heard yelling, lots ot it. Other loud noises, too.

Then suddenly, he felt a warm hand on his cheek and a familiar face came into his vision. Hagiwara saw Matsuda's lips move, but he couldn't understand a single word. The rushing in his ears was just too loud and he was incredibly tired.

His eyes fell shut.

When he woke up, everything was white. At first Hagiwara thought that he was dead, but it turned out that he was just in a hospital. He tried to remember what happened when the door suddenly opened and a surprised Furuya looked at him. “Oh, you're awake. Welcome back to the living world.”

“Thanks I guess.” Hagiwara's voice was a bit raspy so he gladly took the bottle of water Furuya offered him. He drank some of it and then gave it back to him. “What happened?”

Furuya sat down in the chair next to his bed and drank the rest of the bottle before he answered him. “You got stabbed in the back. According to Matsuda the criminal you two went after pulled a knife out of his boots after you took his guns and tried to kill you.”

“He didn't succeed though,” Hagiwara grinned, but got a stern look in response. “But he easily could've,” Furuya replied and then sighed. “You were out for almost an entire week, idiot.”
Hagiwara's eloquent response to this news was a simple “Oh.”

He was saved by the door opening again. This time it was Morofushi and Date coming in.
Their squad could've been complete, if it wasn't for Matsuda missing. The only one missing was his partner, he thought with a bitter taste on his tongue. But his company was too good so he decided that he could be angry about this later.

Hours later, Hagiwara was dozing when he subconciously noticed that his door opened again. “Did you forget your phone again, Morofushi?” he mumbled sleepily as he rubbed his eyes to see his visitor.

There was two things he noticed: first, everything, his room and outside, was dark, so technically he shouldn't have any visitors. And second, standing there wasn't Morofushi, but his previous missing partner Matsuda.

“So, you decided to show yourself after all? A bit late, don't you think?” He couldn't help but voicing his bitterness. And he got angrier when Matsuda didn't reply and just sat down on the chair Furuya sat on hours before.

“What? Cat's got your tongue or why don't you talk to me, huh?”

But Matsuda still didn't reply and that riled up Hagiwara even more. “If you have nothing to say then you can go, I'm tired and I don't need you or your company. I'm fine without you.”

That finally got a reaction from Matsuda. And while this was what he wanted, Hagiwara didn't expect him to react like this.

“Fine? You almost died.” Matsuda's voice was quiet, but there was a certain sharpness in his voice that made Hagiwara shudder.
Matsuda was angry.
Really angry.
“You almost died right in front of me, Hagiwara! Don't you fucking dare saying you're fine.” He suddenly slammed what was probably his fist against the wall, and the cracking he heard told Hagiwara that either the wall or Matsuda's hand wouldn't look good the next day.

Before Hagiwara could say anything else, Matsuda got up and without a second glance at him he left his room again.

Somehow it now felt emptier than before.

Hagiwara's recovery was steady and so it didn't take too long before he was out of the hospital again. What was still without any progress though, was his relationship with Matsuda. For some reason Matsuda seemed to avoid him ever since he visited him in the hospital and it started to annoy him.

“What's his damn problem?” he complained to Date over lunch. Date, who had been busy trying to eat five eggs at once, looked at him confused. He swallowed and asked: “What is whose problem?”
“Matsuda,” Hagiwara said as if it would explain everything, and Date really seemed to understand.
“He's not good with words. Give him time.”

Hagiwara looked at Date, his eyebrows furrowed. “He seemed to be fine that night.” Date almost choked on his sixth egg. “'That night?'” He whistled. “Didn't expect him to be so bold. So, what happened between the two of you, on that night?”

He winked at Hagiwara, whose face became completely red. “It's not like that! When I woke up in the hospital he visited me at night and just yelled at me. I don't think he has trouble with words. He's just an asshole.”

Date looked like he wanted to say something, but then just shook his head. “Your partnership won't work if you don't trust him.”

Hagiwara raised an eyebrow. “I do-” But Date interrupted him “If you call him an asshole, you think of him being unreliable and selfish. That's no trust.” Hagiwara shut up, because it was kinda true.

“Maybe try understanding him first. Just start by just observing him. Then you will understand him better. Trust me on this.”

He sighed, but seeing how Date was probably the one to give the most useful advice on this, he should probably give it a try. “Fine. But don't you dare telling anyone about this!” - “I promise,” Date said, eating his seventh egg.

Hagiwara wondered if someone noticed that he kept staring at Matsuda. But more than that he wondered if Matsuda himself noticed it. Probably not. Especially not when he seemed to be fighting sleep. His eyes kept falling shut and if it wasn't for this then his dark eyebags would've given away how little sleep he must have gotten lately anyway.

He kept following Matsuda around. One day. Two days. Then a whole week. And the more he observed him, the more Hagiwara learned about him. All the convenient water bottles and towels which kept appearing in his and their other friends' bags when they thought they'd forgotten them had actually been Matsuda's doing.
He put people's jackets over their shoulders when they were taking a nap so they wouldn't get cold in their sleep.
Or he kept helping underclassmen by explaining them things they didn't get in class in his much needed break.
And that was just a tiny part of all the things Matsuda was doing for the people around him which Hagiwara never noticed before.

Saying he was surprised would be an understatement. Matsuda was a lot nicer than he had thought. And Matsuda was also a lot more tired than he had thought, since he actually fell asleep in class one or two times.

His problem now was that he had to approach him and tell him that he had been wrong. Which would've been easier if it wasn't for Matsuda still avoiding him like a master ninja.

He complained to Furuya about it when they were alone.
“He is such an stupid idiot! If he's that tired then he should just sleep already! But no, Mr. Perfect is probably up all night doing things I don't even want to know of instead. That's probably also the reason why he forgot about me and only came to visit at night when I was in the hospital. Or maybe he just didn't care after all, who knows?”

Furuya looked at him in surprise. “He came to visit you?”

“Yeah, he did.” Hagiwara let out a frustrated grunt. “He came at night, the same day you all visited me together. No 'hey, I'm glad you're awake' or something like that. All he did was getting angry. He yelled at me that I could've died. Like, thanks. I'm painfully aware of that.” Hagiwara huffed. It felt good to let his anger out.

But when Furuya still didn't reply after five minutes, Hagiwara turned to him. “Is something wr-”

“You're the stupid idiot here.” Furuya looked at him with a frown on his face. “He had been there the entire time. When you got into the hospital, he refused to leave your side for the entire week. He had passed out at your bedside a few times but he still didn't want to go home to rest properly because 'What if Hagiwara wakes up the moment I leave and I'm not here?'” Furuya had imitated Matsuda's voice and Hagiwara would've snorted if not for the words Furuya was saying.

“He only left when I threatened to beat him up right there and then, in front of your bed, if he didn't go home to get some sleep right then and it happened to be exactly the day you woke up.”

“You must be really blind if you think that Matsuda doesn't care about you. Because out of all of us, he's probably the one who cares for others the most. He just shows it in a different way,” Morofushi suddenly said. Hagiwara didn't even notice him joining them.

Hagiwara felt awful. Matsuda had been looking out for him and he had treated him like shit.
“Then… why did he yell at me?” He asked quietly. Furuya rubbed his temples as if he had a headache and Morofushi flicked his finger against Hagiwara's forehead.

“Have you ever felt the fear of being close to losing something very precious to you?”

Thanks to a tip from Furuya, Hagiwara found Matsuda on the roof of the academy and quickly joined him there. It didn't leave Matsuda any other choice than to listen to whatever Hagiwara was going to tell him, since he would have to pass him if he wanted to leave.

Hagiwara sat down next to him and once again he noticed just how tired Matsuda was. He wanted to say something, anything. Apologize for behaving like an asshole, but he couldn't get a single word out. So instead, he reached out for him and gently carded his fingers through Matsuda's hair. This seemed to do the trick, since a sigh fell from Matsuda's lips and he let his head fall against Hagiwara's shoulder.

“I'm sorry,” Hagiwara said after some time. “I've been stupid and selfish and I did you wrong.”

“You are and you did,” Matsuda replied sleepily. “But I forgive you.”

Hagiwara was a little surprised. “Just like this?” Matsuda chuckled a bit before he yawned. “What? Did you expect me to tell you to hula dance for me to forgive you?” - “N-no but-”

Matsuda sighed. “Just… let me nap a bit, please.” Hagiwara carded his fingers through Matsuda's hair again, earning a sigh. “You've been very tired lately. Don't you get enough sleep?”

“Mmmmnaah,” Matsuda said, keeping his eyes closed. “I... kept dreaming of you getting stabbed and... dying right in front of me.”
“Oh,” Hagiwara replied, once again so eloquently. “I am very alive though and I feel very much like an idiot.”

“That's 'cause you are an idiot;” Matsuda mumbled now half asleep against Hagiwara's shoulder.

Hagiwara couldn't help but to smile. “Get some sleep. I'll wake you when it's dinner time.”

Matsuda never napped better before.