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Obsessed

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The first article that comes out is in a woman's gossip magazine, less respectable than even a tabloid. It's on the down turn of Horsin' Around.

Mr. Peanutbutter first gets a hold of it because he's the counterpoint in the article to Bojack's weird fetishism.

The fetishism being nothing more than Bojack cryng in bed, not finishing the lady, and asking his one night stand to tell him she loves him.

Bojack gets slammed in the article. In contrast, Mr. Peanutbutter is praised as a dream alternative who'd no doubt be a gentleman in bed. Mr. Peanutbutter congratulates the writer on their veracity.

It's not that Mr. Peanutbutter doesn't know his show is a rip off of Horsin' Around, especially at that point. He's seen a few episodes.

He knows who Bojack is. He's not obsessed, but curious yes. Mr. Horseman comes across as vivacious, charismatic, handsome, wholesome. Obviously, there's another side of the story.

It's a little sweet, Mr. Peanutbutter thinks, that the man is so vulnerable. And it's a little horrible, how his business has spilled into the public eye.

 

 

 

Mr. Peanutbutter's obsession doesn't really even begin until he meets the horse in person.

It's at an after party.

The spell Bojack casts on screen doesn't do justice to his presence.

He's electric, beautiful.

Mr. Peanutbutter is immediately intrigued, but he keeps his paws off him because as the night progresses Bojack becomes increasingly drunk and sad.

Mr. Peanutbutter resigns himself to the fact that he's probably missed his chance just then. To introduce himself, certainly. Things conspire though, such that it's Mr. Peanutbutter at the end of the night who finds himself organizing safe rides home.

Bojack is a mess. Bumping into people here and there, getting shoved off and yelled at. Mr. Peanutbutter doesn't mind though when Bojack bumps into him.

"I'll take you home." Mr. Peanutbutter sighs as the drunken horse hiccups.

"You're that dog." Bojack states plainly.

"I'm a Labrador." Mr. Peanutbutter counters, a little annoyed but tone still cheerful.

"I meant no offense." Bojack hiccups drunkenly. "You're a good boy."

The words cause a very visceral reaction, and Mr. Peanutbutter finds himself amused.

"You've had a lot to drink." Mr. Peanutbutter observes.

"yeah." Bojack agrees, then leans into him, "you said something about making sure I got home?"

Not much else happens. Mr. Peanutbutter drives him home and drops him off. Still, Bojack sticks in his mind. The horse has certainly made a favourable impression.

It's about that time that Mr. Peanutbutter and Katrina start getting more serious.

 

 

 

The next time Bojack is in the news it's again a lackluster account of a disappointing one night stand. Mr. Peanutbutter reads it with interest, he tells himself it's because Bojack is his friend. Ignoring the fact that he's sure Bojack wouldn't want him to read it. Would be embarrassed to know he had, even if he didn't show it.

Mr. Peanutbutter knows him a little better now. Has better understood Bojack's defensive sarcasm and practiced apathy.

Mr. Peanutbutter doesn't have to wonder what his own accounts might say, because Mr. Peanutbutter always satisfies.

It's a fleeting thought he has - that were he to have a crack at Bojack, there wouldn't be a need for an article in a paper at all. Because Mr. Peanutbutter would be satisfied and Bojack would be sated, wouldn't be looking for love and affection in all the wrong places.

 

 

 

Perhaps one of the more ridiculous articles points out Bojack's narcissism. How he climaxes to old videos and photos of his glory years.

Mr. Peanutbutter gets it.

It's not that Bojack likes how he looks. Because Mr. Peanutbutter can tell that he doesn't. It's a longing to return to a time where he was loved, adored.

Still, it's a hot little fantasy. Bojack making out with his doppleganger - both directionless and unable to take control, both blissed out from pleasure.

Mr. Peanutbutter has about given up on the idea that he won't have these thoughts - these fantasies. Being married to Jessica hadn't put a stop to them.

Still, Mr. Peanutbutter recognizes it as a betrayal of their friendship. And when he puts a little distance between them Bojack understandably gets a little cold, a little more hostile towards him.

It's necessary, unfortunately.

 

 

 

The tweets from Pam about the weird stuff Bojack does in bed kind of hit hard. It's like the original tabloid, ground zero, all over again. Asking to be loved.

Mr. Peanutbutter has the Bojack hashtag on alert.

 

 

 

The absolute best piece of bedroom news Mr. Peanutbutter lucks into is from Princess Caroline's secretary.

"-and then he said, 'don't put things in my butt if you want them back'. Like, I knew PC was into - Mr. Peanutbutter!" Laura cuts off immediately, scandalized at being caught gossiping.

And of course she's talking about Bojack. Him and PC have been on and off again for years.

Just the thought - that -

Bojack likes...

Bojack lets Princess Caroline...

It's definitely not the first time Mr. Peanutbutter's thought of it. But confirmation somehow makes it so much more scorchingly hot.

He thinks about it for weeks straight.

Thinks about bending Bojack over.

Thinks about Bojack liking it.

Thinks about Bojack climbing into his lap and onto his -

Needless to say, it's an obsession.

 

 

 

Mr. Peanutbutter doesn't plan on acting on these feelings. He has Diane after all. Labrador's are loyal. And - Bojack would never go for it.

Unfortunately Diane is smart, perceptive.

It's no secret Bojack is in love with her, at least at first. It fades, certainly.

"I always knew." Diane says, a little apologetic. "You weren't exactly as subtle as you think."

"Oh." Mr. Peanutbutter says.

"It's alright," she says, in that low way of hers that's kind of flirty, "it's kind of hot."

"Oh." Mr. Peanutbutter says, entirely differently.

They've been having a lot of angry, argumentative make up sex lately.

It's not exactly a healthy relationship, but Mr. Peanutbutter doesn't like to think about that.

"So...how exactly would you - " Diane cuts herself off, blushes, "do him?"

The sex that night is amazing.

 

 

 

The next time Mr. Peanutbutter's marriage falls apart, to Pickles this time, he runs back to Diane.

It's casual, but friendly.

The sex is good.

Eventually though Diane says, "You should go for it." as they're lying in bed together.

"Go for what?" Mr. Peanutbutter asks.

"Who, you mean. And you know who." Diane says.

They don't talk about it beyond that.

 

 

 

The next morning when Mr. Peanutbutter shows up at Bojack's - as he has increasingly the last year - he knows that this is the day.