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Vague Hope — Cold Rain

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I had a beautiful dream...

In the dream, I walked in a path where lavender flowers were blooming on a vast garden in the replenishing spring. The moment I plucked the lavender flower from its root; it wilted in my hold. The once vibrant violet, pleasingly scented, and healthy flower turned dry brown, lost its scent, and dead. If carelessly gripped, they will certainly turn into ashes.

The bright path I once walked turned pitch black. Not even a sun’s light nor moon’s light would illuminate to reassure me that I wasn’t alone in this grim journey. The lovely violet lavenders were washed away, replaced by a pretty yet intimidating red spider lilies.

It was a frightening experience; I knew I shouldn’t be bothered, yet why am I? I am a sinner, that I could no longer hide or run away from the whispers of my husband’s nor Bhadanta’s words. I tried to deceive even myself, that I wasn’t sad, regretting, nor fearing about what’s happening. Although, I accepted this fate long time ago and feeling things like this would be meaningless, but I—

Someone... somebody... save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me.Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. Save—

I felt someone embraced me behind in this dark and lonely place and in my rotting form where maggots were eating my very alive flesh. The embraced was sun-kissed and reassuring; it was giving me a hope that there’s still someone who’ll manage to light up this unknown pitch black path with hanging red spider lilies.

“Qiye... I love you.”

Ah— such a warm words. It’s enough to melt my sadness, regrets, and fears. As I thought, the scent of sandalwood... brings me to peace not anyone else’s.

I smiled, and lovingly held his arms to feel his warmth. “I love you too... Master Huihua.”

The once I thought an ugly dream, became beautiful.

I was no longer afraid venturing this journey... as I wasn’t alone. I was walking together with the man whom I dearly love the most.










... “Am I...?”

I blinked several times until everything became clear. I felt warmth, as I looked what was the cause of this warmth, it was a cheap-looking yet warm blanket that enveloped me. I turned my head beside me, but he’s not here.

“Master Huihua?” I called, but no one responded.

My fears suddenly rose, but that didn’t last long when I heard someone entered inside the warehouse—it was him—thank goodness he didn’t leave. A nail of worry pierced in my heart was removed in an instant.

A smile formed on his lips, “What’s with a long face?”

“It is a scary feeling that you’re not by my side.”

He puffed, but smile never left his lips. “Oddly, I feel the same when I went out for a bit.” He sat beside me, and lay his head down on my left shoulder. It was comforting when he did that. “I do not wish to be separated to you.”

“I, as well, Master Huihua.”

We were against odds. Could we really manage to walk on a rough pitch black path together with our hands intertwined? This was not the time to think such thoughts. Even if it was vague, I need to cling on a thin thread of hope.

“Instead of staying inside this warehouse, why don’t we take a walk outside?”

A walk outside? Wasn’t it raining? We’ll catch a cold. I could hear the nimbus cloud’s tears falling outside, as it finally bled the heavy feeling that it was carrying.

He probably noticed my face was worried about us catching a cold. Sometimes, I could tell that he is indeed a mind-reader.

“This time, I have an umbrella.”

I couldn’t say no, since it’s also getting boring staying inside this warehouse. I nodded as an answer. We both helped each other dressing our clothes back.

He was the one who’s holding the skillfully crafted umbrella, while his right hand intertwined my left hand. We walked on the mountain road that was gone slippery and wet by the help of cold rain. We proceeded slow and unsteady steps in silence.

“Please bear with me as this walk will take a while, but I assure that we’ll reach our destination.”

“Our destination?” I couldn’t help but to ask.

“Oh, it’s a place where I haven’t told you about. It’s an alluring lake.”

“I see. I can’t wait to arrive!” He chuckled how I sounded excited like a little child who received a sweet candy from the streets.

It took us 25 minutes to arrive at our destination. We stood together in front of the large lake which I haven’t heard. It’s a real shame we couldn’t see the twinkling stars as it was blocked by the pained clouds who wouldn’t stop bleeding tears.

But strangely, I found the lake also beautiful as the rain’s water drips on it creating a several small ripples. I actually found it aesthetically pleasing; I wondered if Master Huihua also felt the same.

“I’ve been thinking a lot, if we can’t be together in this world, maybe in afterlife we can.” He finally broke the silence between us.

“Afterlife huh... that’s nice.” I bitterly smiled. “Can we really have one?”

“If I’m being honest, I don’t know.” Although he was smiling, there was a hint of sadness. “But I want to believe there is. We can’t live here anymore, as everything comes a complete hell for the both of us. I can’t continue living in the same torment everyday. I am not afraid of death, what fears me the most is losing you and our memories we share together. I know we have the same sentiment.”

I couldn’t stop these tears; it was not sadness but joy. I lovingly cupped his cheeks, “We do. I’ll go with you anywhere.”

He touched my hands, “Shall we sink deeper, Qiye?”

I didn’t answer, but instead I showed my actions as I let myself fell in lake’s cold water and I dragged him with me. We shared warm hug, and fervent kiss. I could see the beauty of the lake’s effervescence. It was ecstatic; how I wish I could preserve this incident.

Ah... I could see myself slowly losing my consciousness, as I’m being swallowed by death. See you once again, my Master Huihua.