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Or Feelings Hot?

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When they get back to the apartments after they’re finished at the hospital, they go up to Dirk’s apartment because it’s the one without the broken window, collapse onto his couch, blood stained clothes and all, and promptly fall fast asleep.

Todd wakes up with Dirk’s arms around his waist, face smushed into his chest. One of his own hands is tangled in Dirk’s hair, and the other is on Dirk’s hip.

He jumps, but not enough to dislodge anything. Because he liked this, and didn’t want to ruin it. His crush on Dirk wasn’t anything out of the blue, he’d been harbouring it for a while.

Farah had been a thing, because she was pretty and badass and they had made out once. But she was dealing with some pretty intense internalised homophobia that stemmed from years of a very strict and not great upbringing.

So after they made out they’d had a long chat about that, and Farah had told him he wasn’t very subtle about liking Dirk.

Which was fair, considering Todd was never subtle about his feelings, even if his crushes manifested as snappy, truth shouting, asshole behaviour. But then again, he was always an asshole.

That makes him stop for a second, because honestly he was a real fucking dick. But he was getting better, Dirk made him better.

Hence why he wasn’t freaking out, that had happened after they had taken Dirk to Blackwing. His whole realisation that he was in love with his best friend had happened as soon as he found out Dirk was gone and it felt as if there was a physical hole in chest.

He had searched so long to get Dirk back, to re-fill that hole in his chest. The hole that drove him to want to care for Dirk, make sure he was safe and loved. He wanted Dirk by his side at all times, even if Dirk didn’t feel the same. Because any time spent with Dirk was worth it, any smile sent his way he kept close to his heart.

So he doesn’t wake Dirk up, because no matter how good of a person Dirk was making him, deep down he was still selfish, and he wanted the feeling of Dirk lying on his chest for as long as he could.

“Todd, what are you frowning about?”

“Fucking shit.” Todd jumps again and Dirk clings on, hissing as his injured legs moved.

“Todd stop, stop!” Dirk buries his face into Todd’s chest until Todd stops moving, hands up by his head.

Once Todd stops moving, Dirk lifts his head up. “Do you want me to move?”

Todd can barely think straight. “No?”

Dirk grins then, letting out a sigh of relief. “Oh good.”

Todd looks down at his chest as Dirk slowly gets comfortable again so that he can look at Todd easily, careful of his leg.

“Did you bite my t-shirt?” There’s creases and spit on the fabric, and Dirk blushes enough that the only thing Todd can do is let out a disbelieving laugh.

“Well, the pain was a lot Todd. Although I think the painkillers are still in my system. Which is why-” He shuffles again then so he’s sitting with his injured leg off the couch, sitting firmly in Todd’s lap, hands resting on his chest. “I can tell you this without any inhibition! Maybe that’s not the right word but well.”

He shrugs, and then smiles again. “I, am very very grateful for how you helped me in Wendimoor. You talked me down, and through that basically saved my life in doing so. Thank you.”

Todd’s trying not to pass out with his mind is reeling. Dirk has slowly started to tap on his chest absentmindedly, and his smile is blinding.

“Dirk, not to deter you or anything. But you’d tell me that without drugs in your system.”

“Oh Todd.” His grin softens, shaking his head. “I hadn’t finished. No, what I was going to say, was that you being all in charge and stuff. While amazing and life saving, was really rather hot.”

Todd’s brain combusts, it has to. Because although he opens his mouth, nothing comes out. Dirk thought he was hot, Dirk just said that. Out loud. To him. Dirk thought he was hot. Todd didn’t know what to do with that information.

“And it’s okay if that creeps you out. I won’t bring it up again. But really, what with your low self esteem and everything, I think you need to be told. Because it’s not just when you’re being all in charge and everything. You’re just hot in general.”

He stops then, “And maybe i’m going to regret telling you that. Because I like what we have going, and just because I have feelings doesn’t mean I can’t push them down. I’de rather we still be friends, if you can look past uh, this?”

Then he seems to panic and go to get off of Todd’s lap. And he would have, had Todd not made a mad grab for him, one hand on his hip and the other awkwardly tangled in his shirt. And he stops there, because he wasn’t going to kiss Dirk while he was like this. He was an asshole but he wasn’t that much of an asshole thank you.

“Wait just, wait.” He still can’t really think, but he knows he doesn’t want Dirk to get off of his lap so he clings, and thankfully, Dirk waits.

He’s chewing his lip, eyes roving around the room anxiously, but he doesn’t move. His fingers start tapping again though, faster and faster until Todd can get his thought’s somewhat straight.

“I fuckin’. Shit this is hard. I won’t look past it.” The way Dirk’s eyes screw up hurts and todd trips over himself to set him straight “No I mean, I won’t look past it because I think you’re hot too?”

He can’t put it right, but Dirk slowly opens one of his eyes. “Quick fuck hot or feelings hot?”

“Feelings, definitely feelings.”

Dirk falls forward with a sigh of relief “Oh thank fuck.”

And then they’re kissing. And although it’s what Todd wants most in the world at that exact moment, he gently pushes Dirk back.

“I totally want this, forever. I want this forever. But I want this when you don’t have very strong painkillers in your system.”

Dirk blinks rapidly a few times, puzzled look quickly turning into a smile “Oh, oh Todd. Yes okay, that’s a good idea. Although just to let you know, I have feelings for you all the time, not just while under the influence.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Todd slowly let’s go of Dirk’s t-shirt, settling that hand on Dirk’s hip to match the other. “But even though i’m an asshole. I never and never will be, that big of an asshole.”

“Which I very much appreciate.” Dirk wiggles and then winces again. “And although I want to kiss you as soon as I can, I think I may need more painkillers.”

“I can wait. Now move your ass I need to get up to get your meds.”

“Alright grumpy.” Slowly Dirk moves back, and Todd manages to wiggle out from underneath him with little fuss, watching as Dirk resettles himself properly without Todd underneath him, leg propped up on the coffee table. Dirk looks up and then smiles dopily. Todd could only descrive it as smitten, which isn’t a word he’d usually use. But around Dirk he found he did alot of things he didn’t usually.

“Well Todd, are you going to get the painkillers?”

‘Uh, yeah. Yeah.” Stumbling, Todd goes to the hall where they had dumped their bags upon arrival, rooting around for a few minutes before finding the bag with the prescription in it, grabbing the tablets along with his own for his pararibulitis.

Going to the kitchen he takes one out of his own bottle, struggling with the screw top for a second before grabbing a glass of water. Shaking out two of the painkillers he goes back into the livingroom, passing the pills and water to Dirk before gingerly stepping over his leg, sitting down next to him.

Dirk takes them with a grimace. “I hate taking tablets.”

“I know.” Todd taps him lightly on the uninjured knee, settling comfortably. “It’s still like.” He manages to get his phone out of his pocket, and once he does Dirk flops his head onto Todd’s shoulder, and Todd leans his cheek on the crown of Dirk’s head. “Way too early to get up. You want to stay here?”

Dirk just worms his arm around Todd’s waist again, and Todd tentatively links their fingers together there, smiling when Dirk squeezes his fingers.

“Don’t be silly Todd, I always want to cuddle.”

“Good to know.”

They’re silent then for a good few minutes, and Todd can hear dirk’s breathing start to get slower when he speaks up. “You’ve saved my life to you know. You’ve made me better. So thank you for that.”

If Dirk hadn’t nodded and snuggled deeper into the crook of Todd’s neck, Todd would have thought he was asleep. That is until he makes a contented noise in his throat too. “You’re welcome.”

Todd falls back asleep with a smile on his face and Dirk practically in his lap. Just how he had woken up.