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1.
“Hey, Shouta!” Hizashi said, walking up into the teacher’s lounge. “Whatcha up to?”
“Coffee.” Shouta said bluntly. “Kids are driving me nuts.”
“What’d they do this time?” Hizashi said, sitting down beside him.
“Mineta broke into the girls changing room. Again. I sent Nedzu the expulsion form, but he either hasn’t read it, or is ignoring it.”
“Damn.”
Shouta looks up at the clock. “Shouldn’t you be teaching English right now?”
“Class is out on a field trip today.” An idea popped into Hizashi’s mind. “Hey. Hey, Shouta.”
“What?” Shouta looks up with a tired glare.
“I’m actually only familiar with 25 letters of the English alphabet. I don’t know why they gave me the job.” Hizashi grinned widely. “Get it?”
Shouta’s face was expressionless.
“C’mon that was hilarious!”
“No, it really wasn’t.” Shouta got up. “I should head back and make sure nobody’s killing each other.”
Shouta walked out the door. Hizashi pouted. A few minutes later, Nemuri walked through the door.
“Hizashi? What’s got you in a mood?” She said as she took a seat beside him.
“Shouta didn’t laugh at my joke. He didn’t even smile.” Hizashi dramatically collapsed on the table.
“Well, you know him. He’s too much of a grump to smile at anything.”
Nemuri walked away as Hizashi resolved himself. He would make Shouta smile.
2.
“Hey, Shouta!”
Hizashi ran over to the other hero. Shouta was supervising class 1-A in a training exercise. They were all running through an obstacle course. Aoyama tripped over a ladder rung and fell face first into the dirt.
Hizashi winced in sympathy. “Don’t you think this is kinda brutal?”
“It's only brutal when they make mistakes. Otherwise, it’s just a regular race.”
The two watched in silence for a few minutes. Two other students made the same mistake as Aoyama and were rewarded with the same fate.
“Hey, Shouta?” Shouta looked up at him. “You know what the loudest pet is?”
Shouta sighed, accepting his fate. “What is the loudest pet?”
“A trumpet!” Hizashi grinned.
“Hm. I think you’re louder.”
The grin fell off Hizashi’s face. “I’m not a pet!” Shouta’s eyebrow rose. “I’m not!”
“So you say.” Shouta said and continued to watch his class consecutively face plant. Hizashi would have argued some more, but Shouta suddenly got up.
“Bakugou, don’t push people off the ladder.” Shouta said as he checked to see if Sero was okay.
“It’s actually a step ladder.” Bakugou replied with crossed arms. Shouta glared at him. “Fine, fine, I won’t push people off of it.”
Shouta ended the exercise soon after. Hizashi took that as his cue to leave. He’d have another chance to make Shouta smile.
Hizashi realized that he’d need to be more creative with his jokes. He had the perfect idea in mind. The teachers all got breaks in the middle of the day to get lunch. Lunch Rush plopped a bento down onto his plate and he left in search of Shouta.
“There you are!” Hizashi said when he spotted Shouta. He was eating soba in the corner of the cafeteria.
“How are you?” Hizashi asked. Shouta shrugged.
“The kids are keeping me awake at the very least. Other than that, I’m kind of dead.”
“That’s not good. Don’t be dead.”
“It’s fine, Hizashi.” Shouta took a mouth full of his soba.
“I might have just the thing to cheer you up.” Hizashi said. Shouta ran a hand over his face. “What is the loneliest cheese?”
“I don’t know.” Shouta said without interest.
Hizashi held up the slice of cheese from his bento. “Provolone!”
“Hizashi, that’s mozzarella cheese, not provolone.”
“Eh?” Hizashi took a bite of the cheese. Definitely mozzarella. “Darn. The joke was still funny though.”
“Not really. I’ve heard better.”
“No you haven’t. C’mon, you can admit that I’m funny!”
“Did you hear about the cheese that failed to win an Olympic medal?” Shouta asked. “It fell at the final curdle.”
Hizashi’s lips turned up into a grin. “Okay, that was funny. But you need to work on your delivery. You didn’t smile at all!”
“Don’t need to.”
Hizashi sighed. He would make Shouta smile. Maybe Nemuri would help.
4.
“Do you think this’ll work?” Hizashi asked.
“Probably not, all things considering. I know I’m gonna get a kick out of it.” Nemuri said.
They were in the teacher’s lounge a few minutes before school started. Shouta always showed up early for his morning coffee. He would arrive in a few minutes.
“He has to smile at this. There’d be know reason not to!” Hizashi said.
“I’m sure Shouta would find one. At the very least, he should chuckle.”
Hizashi didn’t want to settle for just a chuckle, but it’d have to do.
Shouta walked through the doors dead on his feet. He blinked sleepily when he saw Hizashi and Nemuri.
“Why’re you here so early.” He said, yawn slurring his voice.
“I wanted to tell you a joke!” Hizashi said.
“Good grief.”
Hizashi ignored him. “What did the pumpkin say after thanksgiving?”
“What did the pumpkin say.” Shouta said while sitting down.
“Good-pie, everybody!” On cue, Nemuri chucked a pie into his face.
Hizashi wiped the whipped cream off of his face. Shouta was staring at him.
“That,” he said, “was a gratuitous waste of whipped cream. What the crap.”
Hizashi’s shoulders sagged. Not even a chuckle. Nemuri gave him a shrug from across the room with an I-told-you-so look.
+1.
Hizashi walked down the road with Shouta. They’d taken down a villain together. The moon was full that night, illuminating the pathway.
“What was that quirk, though? Hair augmentation? Who’d become a villain with that type of quirk.”
“I wouldn’t call her a villain. Kid seemed more lost than anything else.”
“I really hope she gets some help at the hospital. Or a good shower.”
“Now isn’t the time for cracking jokes.”
“That wasn’t even intentional! I’m just a funny guy.”
Shouta rolled his eyes at him. They pass by a small alleyway and hear a soft mewing. Shouta stopped walking and looked for the source. In a dumpster’s shadow there was an emaciated kitten curled up in a cardboard box.
“Whoever left this kitten here is more of a villain than that girl was.” Shouta said as he knelt by the box. He held out his hand and the kitten rubbed their face over it. A small smile graced Shouta’s lips.
“Are you serious.” Hizashi said. “I spent all week cracking jokes and this is what makes you smile?”
“Well, they are way cuter than you and I bet they’re funnier as well.”
Hizashi mocked offense. “I can’t believe my own husband would treat me this way! How ever will I go on?”
Shouta sighed and picked the kitten out of the box. The kitten snuggled into his arms instantly.
“I guess we’re getting a new child then.” Hizashi said. Shouta hummed in agreement.
Although Hizashi was miffed that Shouta hadn’t smiled for his jokes, he’d be lying if he said didn’t absolutely love the smile he gave the kitten. Hizashi would count it as a win in his book.