Gravity Falls, Oregon
10 months after Weirdmageddon
"MYSTERY SHACK!" Mabel yelled, bursting in through the front door of the tourist trap. She laughed as she took everything in before turning to the man behind the counter.
"SOOS!" Mabel yelled, and ran over to wrap him in a hug.
"Hey hey, Mabel!" Soos said happily, hugging her back. "Dude!" he exclaimed as Dipper walked through the door, much calmer than his sister.
"Hey, Soos, good to see you again," Dipper said. "Uh, where's Wendy?" he asked, pretending it was an afterthought.
"Oh, she's on a reality show. In Canada!" Soos said.
"It's so good to be back!" Mabel exclaimed. "Where's Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford? I have so much to tell them, and I made them special sweaters!"
"Oh, they've been gone for about a week now," Soos said. "Something about a 'dimensional anomaly.' I dunno, they just left me in charge of the Mystery Shack and ran off."
Dipper and Mabel's faces fell.
"Hey, c'mon now, I'm sure they'll be back to see you! They love you guys!" Soos said. "Tell you what, let's go to Greasy's. Lunch is on me."
A. Nigma High
2 weeks after the Hostile Takeover of Mann, Wurst, & Finnwich
No doubt about it, Tina Kwee was bored.
She tapped her pencil against her desk absently. It's not that she hated biology, it's just–how was anybody supposed to concentrate on biology after learning about a giant conspiracy, getting right in the middle of it, and basically saving the world? Okay, so maybe she didn't play the largest role and kind of almost ruined everything, but that doesn't change the fact that biology seems so unimportant once you've gone through that kind of situation!
Plus, there wasn't really anybody she could talk to about it. Well, she could talk to Jenny, or Lee, or Biffy, or Holger, or Cam, or Brandy–geez, there were a lot of people at A. Nigma she could dish to, really. But being a reporter and not being able to tell anybody about what happened was killing her! Not to mention that Chaz was still annoying–one of the few things in her life that hadn't changed since Lee had gotten her involved with the madness that he'd been sucked into.
Not that she was complaining. She did like him–like like him. Of all the things that came out of the conspiracy, that was her favorite. Sure, saving the world was cool, but having an actual boyfriend, that was the best.
An actual boyfriend who wasn't in class with her right now, suffering through the boredom of biology.
Tina sighed to herself.
I can't wait for study hall, she thought.
Gravity Falls, Oregon
Soos followed the twins into the diner. At two in the afternoon, it was mostly deserted; the only customers were Toby Determined and Tad Strange.
"Oh, the twins are back!" Lazy Susan said. "Everybody, the twins are back!"
"Welcome back to Gravity Falls," Tad said. "It's nice to see you two again."
"Toby Determined, reporter for the Gravity Falls Gossiper," Toby said, coming over to them. "Is it true you two are in town to solve more supernatural mysteries?"
Dipper looked at the turkey baster being held out to him. "You do realize that's not a microphone, right?" he said.
"I know," Toby said pitifully.
"Well, to answer your question, Toby," Mabel said cheerfully, "yes, we are here to solve mysteries, if mysteries need solving, and to spread joy and glitter. So much glitter!"
"Um, Mabel?" Dipper said.
"Not now, Dipper!" Mabel said. "I'm telling Toby what we're going to do this summer!"
"But we don't even know what we're going to do!" Dipper hissed. "And besides, Soos got us a booth."
Mabel looked over to Soos, who was indeed sitting in a booth. Soos waved to her.
"Fine," Mabel said. "Bye, Toby, we're gonna eat lunch now!"
Mabel and Dipper walked over to Soos and sat down across from him. They picked up their menus. Dipper smiled as he scanned his.
"Same old menu," he muttered to himself. "I guess some things don't really change."
"So what'll it be?" a familiar voice asked.
Dipper looked up and froze. His sister did not.
"Pacifica!" she said happily, quickly climbing over Dipper and out of the booth. She pulled Pacifica into a tight hug. "How have you been! It's so nice to see you again!"
"Can't...breathe..." Pacifica choked out.
"Oh, I'm so glad you're here! Wait, why are you here?" Mabel asked. She released Pacifica. Pacifica put her hands on her knees and panted for breath.
"Mabel, that's a bit personal..." Dipper warned.
"Oh, c'mon, why wouldn't Pacifica be glad to see us?" Mabel asked. "I thought we were becoming friends."
"During the Never-Mind-All-That?" Soos suggested.
"Yeah!" Mabel said. "Of course she's glad to see us!"
Pacifica straightened herself up.
"So, what'll it be?" she asked them.
"Pacifica!" Mabel said, shocked. "Why are you taking our order? Do you work here?"
Pacifica scowled. "Are you going to order, or what?"
"Pancakes," Dipper said.
"Double cheeseburger with mayo," Soos said. "Oh! And fries."
"But Pacifica, why do you work here?" Mabel asked.
Pacifica's scowl deepened.
"Mabel, I think this is a touchy subject!" Dipper said quietly. Mabel's eyes widened as she caught on.
"You want to know?" Pacifica asked bitterly.
"Um, yes?" Mabel said nervously.
"After my dad invested all his money in weirdness bonds, we ended up broke. We sold the mansion, ended up in a house in town, and because he's used to the finer things in life, we burned through the rest of the money in months. Now Mom's an Avon lady, Dad's a temp worker doing data entry, and I have to find work where I can get it. So are you going to order anything?"
"...I'll just have the soup," Mabel said quietly.
Pacifica jotted her order down. "Your orders will be up in a bit," she said, and walked away from the booth. Mabel stared at the table sadly.
"Aw, come on dude, it's not that bad," Soos said. "Remember how she used to pick on you?"
Mabel sighed. "It's just sad, that's all."
Suddenly, the door to the diner burst open, and Fiddleford McGucket burst in with a laptop in his hands. He ran up to Mabel, Dipper, and Soos.
First Thanksgiving after High School Graduation
"I can't believe you ate ten pounds of food," Kim said to her boyfriend.
"What can I say, KP?" Ron said. "I think I've grown out of my overeating phase."
"Not quite what I was going for, but okay," she said. "So, what's up with Middleton Community College?"
"So boring," Ron said, lying down on the end of her bed. "What's going on in Venice?"
"Oh, you know–" Kim started to say. She was interrupted by a familiar beeping.
Ron and Kim shared a look. Kim pressed a button on her communicator.
"What's the sitch, Wade?" she asked.
Her mouth dropped open. Instead of Wade, a withered old man was on the Kimmunicator screen.
Uncle Grandpa RV
Somewhere in the universe
Sometime in the early 21st century
"Say what?" Mr. Gus asked.
"Yeah, no way did you kidnap Uncle Grandpa and Belly Bag!" Pizza Steve said.
"Believe it!" the man on their television screen said. "And if you want them back, you'll follow my instructions."
Giant Realistic Flying Tiger roared.
"Is that a giant realistic flying tiger?" the man asked, scared.
"That's right, and you better watch yourself, buh-ro!" Pizza Steve said.
"Yeah don't care," the man said, regaining his nerve. "Just follow my instructions."
Gravity Falls, Oregon
"Give us back our grunkles!" Mabel yelled.
"Okay, sure! How can I say no?" the man on the laptop screen said cheerfully.
"No!" a high-pitched voice said from offscreen. "We have to do this, remember?"
"Oh yeah, right," the old man said.
"Wait, who said that?" Dipper asked.
"That was–" the man started to say.
"Don't tell them!" the voice exclaimed.
"No, tell us," Soos said affably. "We won't tell anyone else."
"No!" the high-pitched voice said. "Look, just do what we say, and nobody gets hurt."
"And if we don't?" Mabel suggested.
"Nobody gets hurt!" the man proclaimed happily. "Well, probably."
A. Nigma High
When the bell finally rang, Tina felt relieved.
Okay, so English is next, she thought. English, then study hall. Geez, I wish Lee wasn't in detention all the time. At least his mom ungrounded him.
Tina looked up and saw a frantic Cam waving to her. She picked her way to the crowd and over to him.
"Hey Cam. What's going on?" she asked.
"Big trouble, chiquita!" Cam said. "Lee needs our help! Biffy's been, like, taken, yo!"
"Taken?" she asked, shocked. Her brain spun as she remembered how she was kidnapped.
"Yeah, chica! We need to like, get together with Lee in the Genius Club and come up with a plan, yo!" he told her.
Tina shook her head to clear it. "Right. Genius Club. Be right there."
Tina and Cam jogged over to the Genius Club. When they got there, they found Brandy, Jenny, Holger, and Lee waiting for them.
"This had better be important," Brandy said. "I have gym in a couple of minutes."
Lee looked at them solemnly.
"Biffy's been kidnapped."
The room exploded into outbursts of questions.
"One at a time, please!" Lee said, upset. "One at a time!"
The room quieted down.
"Tina," Lee said.
"How do you know Biffy's been kidnapped?" she asked.
"Because Biffy's been missing the past couple of days and I got a video message from an old man telling me that Biffy's been kidnapped and I'll have to get a team together to rescue him," Lee said.
Jenny shook her head, confused. "Wait, a team to rescue him?"
"I swear, I'm not making this up," Lee said. "He said he'd call me back in ten minutes."
"So what, we just wait until then?" Brandy asked.
"Ooh, Holger tell story to pass time!" Holger said excitedly.
"NO!" everyone else in the room chorused.
"Sorry Holg," Lee said sympathetically. "Any more questions?"
Cam put his hand up.
"Go," Lee said.
"Yeah, so like, we're going to team up and do what now?" he asked.
"I don't know," Lee admitted. "But we've gotta get Biffy back. Even if it means getting neck-deep in another conspiracy."
Tina felt a spark of excitement in her chest despite her worries about Biffy's welfare.
Uncle Grandpa RV
"So, you've just gotta pick four people to go on this trip," the man told the Uncle Grandpa gang. "Oh, by the way, that's a nice RV you have there. It'd be a small wonder if you found somebody to guard it."
"Tiny Miracle!" a familiar voice said from offscreen.
"Wait, is that Belly Bag?" Mr. Gus asked.
"Yeah, it is," Uncle Grandpa said, wandering into the shot.
"Uncle G.?" Pizza Steve asked. "What are you doing there?"
"Being captured," Uncle Grandpa said. "You should really come help me. But it would take a tiny miracle for you to do that and keep the RV safe."
"Did someone say 'Tiny Miracle'?" Tiny Miracle asked, emerging from the kitchen.
"Sure did. Can you guard the RV, buddy?" Uncle Grandpa asked.
"No problem!" Tiny Miracle said happily.
"So yeah. The rest of you need to like, get some stuff and come rescue me or something. I dunno. The first thing you have to get is in the Marinara Trench. Oh, and there are three other teams racing to rescue some other people, and only the team that gets there first saves their captive...it gets really confusing. Anyway, Marinara Trench, guys," Uncle Grandpa told his friends.
"But Uncle Grandpa, couldn't you just–" Mr. Gus started to protest.
"Sorry gotta go!" Uncle Grandpa said.
The transmission ended.
"Ms. Kim Possible, I presume?" the old man asked.
"The same," Kim said. "And you are?"
The old man chuckled and said "My name is of no real importance."
"What did you do with Wade!" Ron demanded.
"Ron!" his girlfriend reprimanded him.
"Oh no, your suitor is quite astute," the old man said. "But young Wade is safe with me. And if you want to get him back, you two will need to find the clues. Interested?"
"Us three," Ron said.
"What?" the old man asked, shocked.
"Me, Kim and Rufus," Ron said.
Gravity Falls, Oregon
"Fine," Dipper said. "We'll do it. But only if you promise us we'll get our Grunkles back."
"Sure, no problem," the old man said. He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "But there have to be four of you."
Suddenly, a voice called to him from offscreen.
"Hold on, gotta talk to somebody else. Be right back!" the man said.
The camera continued to broadcast as the man left. He came back about a minute later.
"Okay, four of you and a pet. If you have a pet," the man said.
"Waddles!" Mabel exclaimed.
"Yeah sure whatever kid," the old man said.
"Where will we get a fourth person?" Dipper mused.
"Cloning!" Soos suggested excitedly.
"Yeah, no, already tried that," Dipper said. He shivered.
"Listen, I'll call you back in an hour with details. You can get your team together, and then start the adventure!" the old man proclaimed happily.
A. Nigma High
Lee's phone rang. He picked up.
"Alright, kid, you ready?" the voice on the other end asked.
"Oh yeah, we're all coming for you," Lee said.
"Show me your team," the old man said.
Lee held up the phone to showcase his team. Onscreen, the man shook his head.
"No way, only four of you," he said. "Or else you'll never see Giganto the Minotaur Boy again."
"What? Oh come on, that's totally unfair!" Jenny complained.
"Don't care. Choose four and get your butts moving. I'll call back in fifteen minutes. Oh and by the way there are three other teams, three other victims, only the team that gets here first gets their kidnappee back. So keep that in the back of your heads," the old man said.
"What?" the group gasped.
The old man ended the call.
"I should warn you, though, there are three other teams competing with you to find their disappeared friends. Ah, but I'm sure that's no problem at all, correct?" the old man asked.
"Big problem huge problem!" Ron yelped.
"Ron's right," Kim said. "How do we know you're on the level?"
"You don't," the man said. "Ah, but that's all the fun of the hunt, is it not?"
"No," Kim said. "Just give us Wade back, or we'll have to show you what we can do."
"It says here you have to go to Albuquerque," the old man said, ignoring her. "Ooh, what a wonderful town! I loved it when I was there. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Have fun!"
"Wait!" Ron interrupted. "What are we supposed to do?"
The old man looked directly at the camera. His face grew deathly serious.
"Yin and yang must lead the way to shadows far below. Green and red will light the way; the others must follow."
The screen of the Kimmunicator went black.
A. Nigma High
War had broken out in the Genius Club.
"Alls I'm saying is I was stuck at A. Nigma High, building a pyramid and then fighting to keep it from being finished while you were off doing cool things in some secret submarine base, yo!" Camillio complained. "I wanna go out and do stuff! You know, outside of school, which was still pretty cool, but, y'know, it's still school, ese."
"Didn't you get your first kiss because you weren't with us?" Jenny pointed out.
"Oh yeah!" Cam said. He giggled happily.
"Hey!" Brandy said, insulted. She sniffed. "Well, I don't want to go. My mom would ask too many questions. Although she's been really distracted lately."
"Maybe it's because–" Cam started.
"Don't say it!" Brandy said angrily. "Not one more word, Camillio Esmereldo Martinez!"
"Look, somebody's gonna have to tell Kimmie her boyfriend's been kidnapped," Lee said.
"Not me!" everybody but Holger said quickly.
"Not me!" Holger said a couple of seconds after everyone else. He slumped. "Aw. Okay. But on one condition. I go."
"Whoa, hold on, why do you get to go?" Jenny asked.
"Because they always kafloofashoop the messenger, and Holgermiester does not want to be kafloofashooped!" Holger said. "So Holger will do it, but only if he can go on the adventure!"
"Fine," Lee said. "So, me, Holger, who else?"
Cam sighed. "I guess I'll stay back here if Brandy's going to stay."
"Wow, that's almost romantic," Brandy said.
Cam grinned. "Thanks."
"Okay, Tina, Jenny, you in?" Lee asked.
"You kidding me? Of course!" Jenny said.
"I'm in," Tina said. She frowned. "But our parents will never let us go. They're already freaked out because they thought I ran away and they want me to go to therapy."
"You didn't tell them?" Lee asked, surprised.
"Oh, right, what was I supposed to say?" Tina asked. "That I got kidnapped by a giant corporation as part of a huge conspiracy but you and your friends broke me out?"
"Okay fair point," Lee conceded. "But surely you could have said something to convince them?"
"I told my mom I was studying at Tina's like super intensely because she's a good tutor and that I forgot to call," Jenny volunteered. "But I think she only bought it because she didn't want to think I ran off."
"Yeah, there's no way we'll get clearance for this," Tina said.
"Then we're just going to have to do this the Lee Ping way," Lee said.
"Ooh! Holger from school love the Lee Ping way!" Holger said.
Brandy sighed. "Remind me again, what's the Lee Ping way?"
"Wing it," Lee said.
Gravity Falls, Oregon
Dipper picked at his pancakes. He had barely eaten half of his first one, and Mabel hadn't even touched her soup. Soos had finished his cheeseburger several minutes ago and was now staring at the two thirteen-year-olds uncomfortably.
"So, like, are you going to finish that?" he finally asked.
Dipper slid his plate over to Soos, rested his head on his arm, and traced designs on the dirty table with his finger.
"It just doesn't make sense," he said to himself. "How did Ford and Stan get kidnapped? And why would we be enlisted to find them? None of this adds up!"
"I don't think that's important, Dipper," Mabel said sadly. "I think we have to find them."
"But where do we even start!" Dipper said loudly. "We've got no leads! No clues! No idea what we're doing! Nowhere to start!"
"We could start by finding a fourth member of the team," Soos suggested. "I mean, that's what the guy said to do, right?"
Dipper went back to running his finger over the table. Mabel stared at her soup sadly. Soos chowed down on Dipper's pancakes quietly.
"You want the check?"
The trio looked up. Pacifica was waiting by the table impatiently.
Dipper grinned as he got an idea.
"Hey, Pacifica, wanna go on an adventure?"