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2010-12-20
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Finding A New Way

Summary:

The bridge, again. And Shi Woon still can't swim.

Notes:

This story takes place after the original ten volumes of the manhwa, thus completely ignoring the sequel. Many thanks to my wonderful beta Elfwreck!

Work Text:

It was almost funny, how the bridge didn't feel anywhere near as intimidating as it once had. Shi Woon leaned against the railing and stared at the murky water below. Back then, it'd seemed to be so far away — now it was close enough that he could almost feel its chill penetrating his body.

Shi Woon had waited for as long as he could. After being released from the hospital, he'd done his best to return to a normal life with school and all that it entailed. The medallion Sosul had given him almost lured him back in, but he'd done what he believed Chun Woo would've wanted him to — entrusting Gyu Bum with it, asking that it be returned to its rightful owner since he was no longer fit to be a part of the Murim.

He'd hoped that doing so would show that he understood and accepted Chun Woo's decision, that he held no grudge and that he still believed in his seonsaengnim. And so he'd waited, willing to forgive anything as long as Chun Woo just came back.

But now, Shi Woon could simply wait no longer. Taking a deep breath, he jumped.

----

"Come on, wake up. Can you hear me?"

All Shi Woon could offer in reply was a groan.

"Good boy."

The voice and the words were wrong. Shi Woon forced his eyes open, feeling the tiny flicker of hope in his gut die as he looked into the face of Mun Gi.

"Hi," he croaked. No sooner had the greeting left his mouth than he was overcome with a coughing fit. Mun Gi helped him sit up, pounding his back with a bit too much gusto.

"Better?"

"Yeah, thanks." Shi Woon offered him a shaky smile.

Mun Gi didn't smile back. "Not that I didn't enjoy giving you the kiss of life," he said, "but just what were you doing?"

Shi Woon grimaced. "Uh, thank you. Not really how I imagined my first kiss, but-"

"That's not gonna work," Mun Gi said, sharply cutting off Shi Woon's sheepish laugh. "Answer me, were you trying to kill yourself?"

"No!"

"Then what were you doing?"

Shi Woon dragged a shaky hand through his wet hair, sweeping back the bangs from his face. He forced himself to look at Mun Gi, meeting his unnerving gaze without backing down. "I'm gonna get Seonsaengnim to come back."

"...By jumping off a bridge?"

"He'll understand. I'm sending him a message, doing this."

Mun Gi let out a snort of laughter. "You're really something, cutie."

The smile that Shi Woon felt tugging at the corner of his mouth was genuine. "And you're a really good friend."

What looked like a blush spread on Mun Gi's face, but he got up from his crouch so fast that Shi Woon couldn't be certain if it'd really been there or not.

"So," he said, back to Shi Woon, "was this a one-time thing, or will you keep doing it?"

Biting his bottom lip, Shi Woon drew a deep breath through his nose before answering. "I'll do it again. I have to."

Mun Gi inclined his head in a slight nod. "I thought so. Then, until Goomoonryong comes, I'll keep fishing you up."

----

Shi Woon was nothing if not persistent. The following night found him on the bridge again, dimly realizing that it probably wasn't a good thing that he didn't feel the slightest bit of hesitation as he climbed over the railing. Not even the tiniest sliver of fear made itself known.

But he had faith. Chun Woo would come for him, and till then Mun Gi would watch his back. Hell, he might even learn how to swim before everything was said and done! Snickering, Shi Woon took a step forward.

Just as he stepped off the ledge, he could've sworn he heard someone call his name. He twisted in the air, trying to look back, but the only thing he succeeded in was hitting the water at an awkward angle; knocking himself out cold.

----

Someone was touching him. Fingers trailed over his face before settling on his chest, palm radiating warmth.

Shi Woon knew that touch; could almost even hear the accompanying voice, complaining about him looking like a rag again.

"Seonsaengnim," he managed to say. Immediately the hand withdrew, and Shi Woon's heart skipped a beat.

Finally getting his eyes open, Shi Woon struggled to get up. Chun Woo was going to leave, he had to stop him, he had to...

"Lie still, dammit."

The voice came from behind him, close. Feeling like he could breathe again, Shi Woon obeyed and fell back onto the slope. The grass was wet and slick beneath his hands, and just a few steps away the river glittered darkly.

"Seonsaengnim," he repeated.

"What is wrong with you?!"

The outburst made him flinch, but he gritted his teeth against the initial urge to apologize. "I told you already," he said instead, "if I can't trust you, I'd rather-"

"I remember," Chun Woo snapped. The world seemed to slow down and come to a halt as he suddenly moved into Shi Woon's line of vision. Water dripped off his loose hair, and his eyes were bright with anger despite the dark shadows that underlined them. "But things are very different now."

"I still believe in you," Shi Woon said.

A tremor passed through Chun Woo's body, minuscule but utterly damning. "Then you are even more of a fool than I thought you were."

"I don't think so, Seonsaengnim."

"Don't call me that!" he shouted, kneeling down to grab Shi Woon and haul him into a sitting position. "I almost killed you, and then I left you behind. I abandoned you without a second thought, because you were nothing more than a mere toy to me."

Hearing that hurt, it really did. But that didn't mean he believed a single word. Shi Woon reached up, covering Chun Woo's hand with his own. "You're not a bad person. That's what I believe, and nothing you say will change that."

Chun Woo snatched his hand away as if burned. "Fine," he growled, "think what you want."

Sensing that Chun Woo was about to make a strategic retreat, he pressed on. "I found the videos during my stay in the hospital."

Chun Woo stiffened. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay, wait, I'll show you," Shi Woon mumbled as he shoved a hand down his pocket. He pulled out a bundle of plastic bags, and set to untying them. Nervous fingers fumbled their way through three protective bags to finally reveal the cell phone inside.

Something changed in Chun Woo's countenance. Up till that moment there'd been a frighteningly cold gleam in his eyes, and a humorless twist to his lips like some sort of cross between a smirk and a snarl — it had almost fooled Shi Woon, before he'd seen it for the act it was. Now, the façade fell away, revealing a look of indignant embarrassment.

"I told you to delete those!" Chun Woo all but shrieked as he lunged for the cell phone.

Shi Woon yanked it away, heart thudding painfully as he was overcome by a feeling of panic. "Please don't," he begged.

Chun Woo frowned. He still looked angry, but at least he stopped attempting to grab the phone. That, coupled with the realization that he really could've taken it with a bare flick of his wrist, made Shi Woon calm down.

"Sorry," he said. "I know I should've, but I... I needed them." Shi Woon looked down, hoping his feelings had been conveyed despite how inadequate the words seemed to him.

Silence reigned for a long time, so long that he began fearing the worst. Then, without so much as a word of warning, Chun Woo flopped down beside him. He lay back with a heavy sigh, covering his face with his hands.

"Why is it you don't listen to the truly important stuff?"

"I'm sorry," Shi Woon repeated. "But I've kept it with me at all times, making sure it was safe." He laughed weakly, knowing how pathetic that must sound. "I know I couldn't put up much of a fight," he clarified, "but I'd still defend it to my dying breath."

"No," Chun Woo said, voice oddly subdued, "that's not what I meant. When we first parted, I told you something that you obviously didn't bother to remember. I said that if you became all depressed again without me around, I wouldn't-"

"I remember!" Shi Woon cut him off, horrified that Chun Woo would think he'd forgotten something that had in actuality meant the world to him.

"Then what the hell is this?" Chun Woo yelled, surging up to tower over Shi Woon. "Tossing yourself off this damn bridge, I really..."

Shi Woon raised himself up on his elbows, nearly erasing the space between them. "Listen to me; I was sending you a message. And I know you understand it, don't you?"

Slowly, the last vestige of resistance ebbed away from Chun Woo's eyes. A broken sound escaped from his throat as he tipped his head forward, letting his forehead rest on Shi Woon's shoulder.

"Why is it that everyone I care for are such fools?"

The whisper was so quiet that Shi Woon wouldn't have heard it, had it not been spoken so close to his ear. He swallowed, uncertain what to do. He knew what he yearned to do, but the last thing he wanted was for Chun Woo to pull away — and he feared that was exactly what would happen, were he to follow his instinct and put his arms around Chun Woo.

Despite the lack of prompting, Chun Woo continued. "Unwol, Shiho, and you... you're the biggest fool of them all."

There was nothing but despair in his voice, and Shi Woon could resist no longer. He reached out, letting one of his arms encircle Chun Woo's waist.

"I could see the past about to repeat itself," Chun Woo said, unfazed by the near-embrace — or perhaps not even noticing it — "and I just... I didn't want your life to turn out like mine. I would've died for you in a heartbeat, just like Unwol did for me, but I decided to chose the path he didn't take because I refused to put you through that."

Shi Woon slowly ran his hands up and down Chun Woo's back, trying to offer through touch what he couldn't through words; voice unable to pass by the lump in his throat.

"I couldn't so much as close my eyes without having nightmares about his death," Chun Woo said. He spoke faster and louder now, sending warm puffs of air against Shi Woon's skin with every syllable.

"I dreamed about you," Shi Woon interjected, surprising even himself. "Ever since you disappeared, my dreams were all about you. And even though they hurt, I cherished them — because they made me feel like you were still around; that you hadn't truly left."

Slowly, Chun Woo lifted his head, hair falling over his face and obscuring his eyes. Shi Woon just barely managed to suppress a flinch as a cold hand slipped under his shirt, fingers trailing over his skin until they settled over his stomach.

"I'm sorry."

There was no need to ask what Chun Woo was asking forgiveness for; the shaking hand that covered Shi Woon's qi-center said it all.

Shi Woon took hold of his arm and pulled it away, heart lurching painfully when he noticed how Chun Woo's shoulders slumped at the action. He hurriedly moved his grip up, entwining their fingers and squeezing the hand that now lay in his.

"Just take me with you," he said. "I don't care where you go, just let me be there too."

Chun Woo disentangled himself and stood up so fast that Shi Woon couldn't help wondering if he'd used a technique.

"Don't you get it," he hissed, "it can't ever be the same! The way we were, I put a definite stop to that when I ruined your qi-center."

Shi Woon slowly stood up, swallowing nervously as he tried to gather up every bit of courage he had. "Then things will simply have to change. We'll find a new way; not worse, just different."

Chun Woo let out a bark of laughter, but to Shi Woon's ears it sounded more like a sob.

"Remember what you told me about courage?" Shi Woon pushed.

"...You're a fool."

"So you've been saying. If wanting to stay with you makes me a fool, then so be it."

Chun Woo was silent for a long time, before a sneer curved his mouth. "You want us to be different?" he asked as he stepped forward, closing the distance between them.

Before Shi Woon could reply, Chun Woo bent down and kissed him. It was just a chaste press of lips, and he began to pull back almost immediately — but Shi Woon wasn't about to let that happen. He threw his arms around Chun Woo's neck, strained up on his tiptoes, and deepened the kiss as best as he could.

For the span of a few wonderful heartbeats Chun Woo returned the kiss, before he apparently remembered that he'd been trying to scare him off. Shi Woon felt a thrill of satisfaction at that, even as Chun Woo stepped back to stare at him.

"Yes," Shi Woon replied, struggling to keep his voice even and calm. "I want us to be different."

He'd expected Chun Woo to argue, but after a moment of silence he simply moved forward and recaptured Shi Woon's lips. They were both breathing hard when they finally broke the contact.

"If we do this," Chun Woo all but gasped, "I won't be able to let you go again."

Shi Woon smiled. "That's what I was hoping."