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It's 4am on a Tuesday night. Tomorrow is one of their rare days off and the boys have decided to set up camp in Louis' living room. Harry brought pizza and Niall brought snacks, Liam some DVDs and Zayn two bottles of gin.
Naturally they're talking about sex now.
“Right, so Perrie got these new nipple clamps she's really into. And when I say she's really into it I mean multiple-orgasms-into-it,” Zayn says, sprawling out on the couch a bit more and digging his toes underneath Louis' thighs.
“Multiple orgasms for her or for you?” Niall asks with a bored face and Zayn only flips him off without even turning his head.
“It's not all that uncommon for girls, actually,” Liam tells them as he walks back in from the kitchen, carrying some more beer with him. Maybe they should have gone beer first and then the gin, Louis thinks, because his living room spins a little as he blinks down at the new bottle of beer he's suddenly holding.
Zayn seems to have trouble sitting up to grab the new beer and glaring up at Liam at the same time.
“Right well, what do you do to get your girl to come three times?”
Liam blushes at his words.
“Well,” he begins as he takes his seat between Harry and Niall again, squirming under the sudden attention directed towards him. Louis takes a sip from his drink, grinning lazily at the though of Liam merely using the word nipple clamps – for God's sake – in the bedroom.
“Oh you know,” he shrugs then, taking a sip from his own beer. “Sophia likes a little spanking some times. Bonding, obeying. The whole dom-sub thing.” He goes slightly more pink around his ears and Louis has trouble swallowing the sip of beer in his mouth right now in favor of spiting it across the room. All the sudden he has a very vivid image of Liam with a flog in his head. He wishes he didn't.
Even though Louis is still wildly caught off guard by Liam's kinkiness he seems to be the only one. Zayn is smirking, Harry giving a little hum and Niall of all people nodding enthusiastically.
“Girls do like a good beating every now and then. You know the, er, the sexy kind of beating. They might act like they don't, but spring it on them halfway through foreplay and they're usually all for it,” he says casually like it's nothing at all and Harry only snorts.
“And if they aren't?”
“Then it's awkward for a bit. But, well.. It's not like I ever didn't get off afterwards.” He's grinning now and Harry's rolling his eyes.
“So violent,” he comments and Louis nods in agreement. He's never been hit in bed. He's never hit anyone in bed. Also, he doesn't want to. He just can't imagine the way physical abuse would make him feel more turned on then tender kisses or careful little nibbles would.
“What kinky shit do you get up to then, Harold? If you don't get to tie your ladies to the headboard.” Zayn is grinning at him, twisted awkwardly on the couch and almost falling onto the floor. Louis is pretty sure Zayn is too drunk to realize what he's doing.
“I like to punish in my own ways,” Harry says with a mysterious glint on his eyes. Niall only laughs and Zayn gives him another smirk.
“Oh, Styles, get it!” he hollers hilariously and Louis can't help himself but give Zayn that last little push to make him fall from the couch. It takes Zayn about three seconds to understand what just happened and then he's just staring blankly for another two seconds and somehow they all end up laughing. Louis can't really recall how it started or why he's laughing but from the corner of his eyes he can see the two bottles of gin and that's probably the explanation for most of the events that happen that night.
Once they've all mostly calmed down Zayn crawls back onto the couch with Louis, pokes him a bit but curls into his lap eventually, giggling against his chest.
“Now I wanna hear Louis' stories!” he giggles, looking up at the older boy. Louis doesn't really know how to respond for a second which only sets the other boys off as well.
“Yes!” Niall cries, bouncing in his own seat a bit, jostling Liam and Harry. “I swear they gays do the kinkiest shit ever in bed.”
“How would you know?” Liam asks him, raising his eyebrows high with a small smile curling the corners of his lips upwards.
“Gotta try shit before knowing you don't like it, am I right lads?”
They all groan in response and Louis really hopes that this is the end of this particular conversation. He doesn't mind talking about sex. He doesn't mind talking about his relationship with Nick. It's great, it really is. Nick is the biggest ass in the world 95% of the time but somehow Louis ended up falling in love with him and now it's a rarity to have the flat to himself for an entire night. Nick usually comes stumbling in at some point during the day, sometimes even the night and he always leaves before dawn for his awfully early job, but he always says he wouldn't want to miss kissing Louis goodbye in the mornings. Louis just thinks his flat is closer to the BBC Radio 1 studios or maybe Nick has stopped paying rent at his old place, because he's basically moved in with Louis anyway.
Louis is startled from his thoughts when Zayn pokes him again.
“Come on, tell us,” he urges, giving Louis a charming smile even though Zayn knows that it stopped working on Louis about two weeks after being put together on the X-Factor.
“There's nothing to tell,” he says honestly, blushing uncomfortably under all of their gazes.
“Of course there is!” Niall disagrees with a laugh. “I haven't seen you this red since we let Nick rewatch all of your X-Factor appearances.”
Louis blushes an even darker shade of red at those words, which of course is misinterpreted by the boys.
“Is it something really disgustingly kinky?” Harry asks, his mouth twisting to the side like he's thinking of something in particular.
“Water sports!” Zayn exclaims, wiggling his eyebrows at Louis suggestively. Louis only stares back because what? Water what?
“Or the big version!” Niall chirps in again, cackling some more. “Not like water but, you know, the big business.”
Louis is completely lost by now but the way Liam face twists uncomfortably lets him know that maybe he doesn't need to understand. Doesn't want to.
“It's really not like that,” Louis tries again, shrugging apologetically almost.
“Nick is the king of kinks!” Harry says suddenly. “I'm having a hard time believing he's going all vanilla on you.” Harry is laughing and Louis is only staring back at him. The boys are still interpreting his confusion as shame.
“You can just tell us, you know,” Liam says, sounding soft and not at all like he's trying to coax Louis into telling him all the ways he's let Nick fuck him. “You like toys maybe?”
Louis blinks at him. Toys? As in sex toys? Weren't those for people who didn't have sex? Why would you use a toy when you have a person right there very much capable of doing every single thing the toy could? More likely even being better at it.
“Ah dude, one time this girl used the sickest vibrator thing on me. Like, in my you know. But it was sick! Like really, really good,” Niall tells them with a laugh and Louis is sure the information that Niall once let a girl put a vibrator or possibly even a plug up his bum would make him laugh hysterically at any moment, but right now he's too caught up in the flood of kinks drowning him.
“If I go check out your closet right now what would I find?” Zayn asks suddenly, his eyes twinkling. In a bad way. “An assortment of dildos varying in shape and size?” He's laughing as Louis shakes his head.
“Do you have frilly lace underwear? Or a sexy cheerleader's outfit?”
“What? No!” Louis protest, rolling his eyes.
“Is it all at Grimmy's place?” Harry wants to know, his phone in his hand and Louis has the horrible suspicion that he's texting his boyfriend right in that moment. Louis opens his mouth to protest, but before he can get another word in Harry looks up from his phone and widely grins at him.
“He doesn't want you to tell, does he?” he asks, sounding like he just solved the riddle of all riddles. “Oh, he's such a shit. Embarrassed, I bet, isn't he? Does he still like wearing Amy's high heels? Oh God, does he-” Harry stops for a moment, locking eyes with Louis and his smile getting even wider. “He doesn't let you top, does he?” he shrieks excitedly, almost falling off the couch as he bounces animatedly. He keeps on chattering and Louis lets it all slip mostly until he hears the words 'cum whore' escape Harry's mouth and well.
Enough is enough.
Liam is mostly asleep by now anyway, Zayn is clinging to the couch and Harry has been yawning after every other word he said in the past twenty minutes. And so Louis summons all the energy left in his body to try and usher them all out. When it – expectantly – doesn't work, he goes and bundles up a few blankets and pillows for them, drops them unceremoniously in the middle of the living room and then scampers off into his own room to crawl into his bed, which is too cold and too empty to be comfortable but good enough for his drunken mind.
~
After that night the whole talking-about-their-sex-lives conversation is done with for Louis. For Harry however, it totally isn't. He constantly texts him about different kinks followed by a good hundred question marks. In the beginning Louis actually texted back, sending annoyed emojis and 'No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s but then he was foolish enough to look up 'breath play' which Harry is texting about all the time and now he's scarred for life.
So he's mostly ignoring Harry's texts and double checks every link the boy emails him after the painfully embarrassing incident where he opened up farm animal porn with Nick in the room. Nick gave him a smug grin and a raised eyebrow, Louis only huffed in reply and stalked off.
The weekend following that incident Nick excuses himself on Friday night to hang out with some friends. He invites Louis to come along, but it's mostly people he doesn't know and he could really do with a night in. So Nick leaves with the promise to come back piss drunk and Louis wants to strangle himself when he still feels excited about it.
Two hours later he's bundled up on the couch watching reruns of some hospital show. He's cozy and warm and when his phone's screen lights up he supposes it's still quite early for the drunk texting to start.
The text isn't from Nick though, it's from Harry.
'amys and i found a 3 ppound chocolate syrup thing in nickys fridgee. u use tht for the sexxx?'
'hahaha amy says its too vanilla for him haha'
'get it?????? vanilla??? chocolate syyup?'
'anyyway u bf is a kinky bastart tell me how u lik itt'
The texts keep coming in and Louis only rolls his eyes and he hates himself for grinning stupidly like he does. His friends are really something. And apparently Nick invites them t come along when Louis says no to a party.
Whatever.
Louis doesn't care. Doesn't care about the party. And most definitely doesn't care about the fact that apparently everyone knows how his boyfriend (of a little over half a year now, mind you) likes it done in bed.
Sure, they're not very adventurous or anywhere near as kinky as apparently all the other boys are, but they're good. Their sex is great, Nick says so all the time. And even if Nick wanted something from Louis, he could always talk about that. Louis can't really see himself in leather or lace, but if that was something Nick needed, he'd surely give it a try for him.
Nick knows that, right?
He does. Louis is pretty sure he does.
Twenty minutes later however, he finds himself googling 'how do I know if my boyfriend is a kinky shit?' and it all goes downhill from there. He doesn't find something worded exactly the way he did, but there are multiple sites titled 'Kinks, The Things You Needn't Keep Private' or 'Spank Me, Daddy – How To Confess'. They all focus on how to tell your partner about certain things you want in bed, because apparently that's a tough deal for a lot of people.
Louis can't really see the problem there appears to be, because if you really love your partner.. it's Nick after all and Louis doesn't believe there's really anything he can't talk to him about. Then again, he doesn't feel like Nick shoving his entire fist up Louis' bum is a thing he needs to experience.
Somehow he ends up on a website most of the kink-forums linked him to and now he's browsing through negliges and 10'' monster vibrators with twentyeight different vibration settings. Just one of those things you apparently need to have a satisfying sex life.
In the end he winds up buying some white lace panties, handcuffs and a vibrating anal plug along with some flavored lube, which he thinks is a nice starting package. Once he hits send he can't quite grasp what he just did, but it might have something to do with the more than half empty wine bottle sitting next to him and the fact that it's past midnight and Nick apparently still hasn't felt the need to drunkenly let Louis know how much he loved him.
It's just.. not how it usually goes.
~
Four days later an – as on the website promised – unsuspicious looking package arrives in the mail just after Louis cleans up the leftovers from his breakfast. Nick's not there – thank God – and Louis can hear his voice coming from the radio in the kitchen.
He awkwardly signs the tablet the mail man is holding towards him and then blushes bright red as he hands him the package. His reaction probably makes it a lot less unsuspicious looking, but he can't help it.
Louis carries it through the flat like it's a bomb. Carefully, holding it away from his body as far as possible and walking slowly before setting it down onto his bed gently. For two minutes he only stares at it, before he can bring himself to open it.
It's a lot less spectacular and dirty than Louis imagined it. The packaging inside the package is still rather tasteful and reminds Louis of the way his Dr. Dre headphones were wrapped when he bought them.
It takes him another minute to summon the strength to pick the four small packages out from the bigger one and line them up nicely, trying to determine which one is least scary to unwrap as first.
He picks the lube, because it's not like he hasn't used that before. It really doesn't look so bad once he tosses the paper wrapping and looks at the bottle itself. The design is elegant and long with colorful fruits on the front. Louis can deal with that.
Next he goes for the handcuffs. They're.. well they're handcuffs. He picked simple silver ones and is very glad that they aren't pink and fuzzy. He still doesn't see the sexual appeal in them, but he sets them down next to the lube, eying the two packages that are left carefully.
Like a plaster, he tells himself and just rips the packaging off the underwear and stares are the white fabric in his hands. It feels cheap and girly in his hands, but at least it's not a thong and will hopefully cover most of his bum.
The plug is last and looks a lot more scary unwrapped than it did in the packaging. It's so thick and flared at the bottom Louis is almost positive he's never going to get that thing inside him. It's just going to rip him apart. Way too short to feel good anyway.
They should make butt plugs in the shape of Nick's penis.
Gap in the market.
For a moment he simply stares at his new acquisitions and leaves the room in order to find his phone.
' you coming over after work? please? x '
He texts Nick and then ducks into the shower instead of waiting on Nick's reply. If Nick says yes, then he's doing it. He's gonna do it. Butt plug, lace panties. The whole deal.
'am i gonna have to wait for a formal invitation every day now?? because im coming over... whether u want me to or not :P :P'
'leaving in 10 btw xx'
Louis takes a look at the clock and oh yeah, it is quite late already. And Nick probably left by now with how much time Louis spent in the bathroom, but that's okay. Nick drives at least for another twenty minutes. It's okay . Or so Louis tells himself.
He's naked with only a towel wrapped around his hips, but he chucks it in favor of cautiously stepping closer towards the bed where the lace panties are sitting innocently. He takes a deep breath and swallows his nerves, telling himself it's now or never as he hastily grabs the fabric and twists it in his hands nervously. As he pulls it up his thighs a nervous shudder trembles down his spine, but he ignores it and instead tries to figure out where the hell to put his penis in such a confined space.
He takes two full minutes to try and get all his manly parts sorted, but those panties were clearly made for lady bits so he just shoves it all around a bit until nothing pokes out too much and tries to ignore the uncomfortableness as good as he can.
Next he takes a look at the lube and plug and decides that this is something Nick is going to have to do for him, because he's nowhere near turned on right now and also still convinced that the plug will never in a million years fit into his tiny body. He takes both the items though, thinking of a good spot to place them. In the end he decides to pull the comforter off the bed, set the plug and lube down at the foot of the bed where Nick would see them upon walking in.
Lastly Louis picks up the handcuffs and fumbles with the little key nervously. He had read on multiple websites that handcuffs were usually used to cuffs somebody to something, like the headboard of a bed, but he can't quite figure out how to do that to himself without very much possibly dropping the key behind the bed. The same goes for cuffing his hands behind his back so he decides to simply do it the easy way and cuff them together in front of his body. If Nick doesn't like it, he's going to have to do it better the next time.
Careful to not knock over the lube and plug sitting on the foot of the bed, Louis climbs onto the bed, sitting there with crossed legs for a moment before deciding that it's probably not the sexiest position to be in. He lays back and spreads out his legs. Mere seconds later he closes them again, shuddering with the feeling of exposal the position gives him. Also, he doesn't know where to put his hands since they're sort of awkwardly cuffed together.
He turns over onto his stomach then, his hands above his head, stretched out to grab the pillows like they're the single last thing keeping him sane. He lays flat out on his bed, cuffed and in girls' underwear, his legs spread like this is some porn movie and he tries really hard not to hyperventilate as he waits for Nick to arrive.
He only waits a few more minutes, but Louis is shivering by then, shaking with coldness and shame. When he can hear the door being opened he takes another deep breath and flexes the muscles in his legs and stomach to stop them from quivering nervously. He wants to be sexy for Nick. He wants Nick to take from him what he needs.
“Babe?” Nick calls as he shuts the door and shuffles down the hallway. Louis can virtually see him toe off his shoes and shrug off his jacket aimlessly only to complain later when Louis makes him pick his stuff up.
“Bedroom,” Louis calls back, his voice slightly muffled from the pillow his face is pressed into.
“Oh, I like the sound of- Oh.”
Louis can feel Nick's gaze all over him. Right now he's very glad his face is hidden by the pillows, because he's pretty sure he isn't sporting a remotely sexy face. Usually he likes having Nick's eyes on him. Hell, he did (and still does) tons of majorly stupid and possibly dangerous things just to ensure that Nick's attention is constantly on him. Right now he sort of wishes Nick had some other place to be.
This was a horrible idea.
Nick still hasn't said anything and if he doesn't like it this idea is even worse than Louis thought. He's positively mortified now.
A few seconds tick by before Nick clears his throat and Louis can hear him take a step or two into the room.
“Babe? What- what's going on?” he asks timidly and Louis pushes his face deeper into the pillows, entertaining the thought of maybe suffocating himself. He has never in his entire life been this embarrassed.
“Okay,” Nick says suddenly as Louis still hasn't replied. He can hear the older man shuffle around for a bit, then the dragging sound of the comforter across the floor. A moment later it is pulled over Louis' legs covering him up to the waist before Nick runs a comforting hand up Louis' sides and up to his arms to uncuff his hands. Louis is shivering again, goosebumps forming on his skin, but it's still not the good kind.
He's raggedly breathing into the pillow and at some point tears have started forming in his eyes, making his lashes wet and his eyes probably red. He can absolutely not face Nick right now.
Nick wants him to though and strokes his hair for a while, gently trying to turn Louis' head. After a while Louis lets him, blinking down at his own hands in favor of actually looking up at Nick.
“Babe,” Nick tries, tilting Louis' head up carefully. “Lou. What was that about?” he asks, sounding soft and concerned and Louis is starting to feel warm again.
“I-” he hiccups, turning onto his side a bit and reaching down to pull the comforter up his chin, trying to subtly wipe at his eyes. “Dunno, I- For you, I-” He needs a second to take a breath and tries to ignore the way Nick is frowning at him. “I- I know this is something you need, that you want- so..”
“Shh,” Nick shushes him, scooting closer and wrapping Louis in a slightly awkward hug. Louis loves it. “I don't need this. And I don't want it. Not with you.”
And well that is.. just.
Louis' devastation must be written all over his face, because Nick dives right back in.
“No, no,” he says quickly, shaking his head frantically. “It's not like I do not want this with you, but. It's something I don't need, because..” He takes a deep breath. “Okay, listen close now Louis, I'm only gonna say this once.” His cheeks are faintly red and Louis feels a little better.
“All this,” he picks up the handcuffs from where he set them next to Louis' pillow and tosses them aside “is something you use to just get off. And it's something you need when the person you're with isn't enough to do that. When the person you're with isn't already so fucking overwhelming all the time that you need something else to push you over the edge.
“But you, God, Lou. You overwhelm me all the fucking time. All you need to do is lay there beside me when I wake up and my heart is just screaming at me to do everything possible to always make you mine. Even the quickest back stage sex we ever had was still a hundred times better than the sickest role play I've been involved in.
“It's just.. different on so many levels,” he finishes with a shrug and a half embarrassed smile on his face. “And it's not like I wouldn't do those things with you, but it's obviously something that makes you uncomfortable, so.”
“I-” Louis starts aimlessly, trying to defend his actions but Nick presses a finger against his lips to shush him.
“You were trembling when I came in. And not the good kind either.” He looks serious and Louis lowers his eyes again, because Nick knows him so well. It should be creepy, but it's not. It's great.
“I love you,” he mumbles, reaching his arms around Nick's middle and squeezing him as best as he can.
“I love you, too,” Nick mumbles back, bending down to press a kiss against Louis' head, who is still hugging him. “And if you get those terrible panties off you I might find it in me to sleep with you. The good old fashion way. Make love and all.”
Louis giggles at his words and pulls him down to press a soft kiss against Nick's lips.
“No crazy extras?”
“We're gonna use the old boring lube that doesn't taste like anything,” he promises and Louis laughs again. “But if you're feeling really daring I might let you pick one of the colored condoms,” Nick suggests and Louis only laughs again, pushing the panties down his thighs under the blanket to pull Nick on top of him instead.