"What the hell is going on here, Ryuuzaki?"
L looked around mildly, frowning a little at the way Raito had slammed the door into the wall when he entered. "You really shouldn't slam the door like that. You are likely to leave holes in the wall."
"Shut up!" Raito seemed furious, as well as oddly stressed. Dark circles that nearly rivaled L's own ringed his eyes and his face was flushed.
"You look upset, Yagami-kun," L observed. "Have you not been sleeping well?"
He gaped at him, speechless. L was rather fascinated by the expression, so unusual on the poised Raito. He really must be feeling poorly, to let himself be so undone by a simple question.
"No, I haven't been sleeping and it is all your fault!" Raito finally said with an angry and accusing glare. L gave him an inquiring look. After glancing around and verifying that they were alone (of course they were, it was three in the morning, and why was Raito here at such an hour? And how had he gotten here?), Raito unzipped his pants and pointed angrily at L-chinko, who peered out curiously. "I don't know how you did this, but it has to stop! This chinko is driving me crazy!"
"Ah. I had wondered when you were going to say something." Fascinating, really. It had only taken him three days to be willing to talk about it.
L-chinko sniffed disapprovingly and looked up to meet L's gaze. "I told him to talk to you about it earlier, but he really is terribly stubborn. He was determined to figure it out on his own." The chinko's expression somehow clearly conveyed that it found this highly unlikely.
L nodded gravely to the chinko. "I had noticed that about him. So fiercely determined to do everything himself. He doesn't seem to trust anyone. I think it must raise my suspicions of him being Kira by at least a percent."
"Yes, I -" the chinko started to say, before being interrupted by Raito.
"Would you stop talking about me like that? I'm right here!" The meaningful glance L-chinko exchanged with the real L only seemed to make him more angry.
"I suppose you are correct, Yagami-kun. It was rather rude to ignore you like that. But why do you think this must be my fault? And how is it bothering you so? You seem quite unwell."
"Well, I didn't have anything to do with it! And this thing... this chinko," his voice was full of disgust, "hardly lets me sleep, is always begging me to eat sweets, comments on everything I do... it's enough to drive me insane!"
L had to admit that he felt somewhat sympathetic. Raito did seem to be in a truly bad state. "You seem quite distraught. Most unfortunate. Your chinko seems to be much less of a bother."
Raito-chinko was, in fact, sleeping peacefully in L's loose pants, and it took a bit of prodding to wake him up. Raito frowned at him. "Well, at least he looks okay. You better be taking care of him!"
The chinko looked sleepy, but aggrieved. "If I am okay, it is no thanks to him!" it snapped. "Couldn't he sit in a more comfortable position? And maybe eat decently for once! And he won't tell me how he did this!" If it had hands, L thought, they would be planted on its hips as it glared.
"Now, Raito-chinko," he began in a reasonable voice, gazing at his lap intently. "Didn't we already discuss this?"
Raito put two fingers under L's chin and raised it until he met his eyes. "Ryuuzaki," he said, his voice gone low and dangerous. "How did you do this? And please, fix it! Or else!"
"Or else what, Raito-kun?" Raito winced at the more familiar name. Damn him, L merely looked vaguely curious and not alarmed at all. It was completely unfair! Why didn't this bother him? And why was he so helpless to do anything about it?
Ryuk found the whole thing hysterically funny and kept laughing at the most inappropriate times. Until he realized that it meant that Raito couldn't speak to him or give him apples ever, even when they were outside the house. Since then, he mostly sulked in silence. When he wasn't laughing. Apparently Raito's distress was funny enough that it could sometimes make the shinigami laugh despite the lack of apples. Damn him, too. Raito was going to become a god; his life was not supposed to be a joke!
He grabbed Ryuuzaki's shirt and hauled him out of the chair until his face was a mere inch away. "I will find a way to make you pay for this!" he growled through gritted teeth.
"But I didn't do it, Raito-kun," L protested, in a calm and level tone that was probably meant to be soothing, but really made Raito feel like punching him. "I have, however, been doing some research. If you would kindly put me down, I can show it to you."