Chapter Text
Rafael climbs the stairs of the rickety apartment building two at a time to cut his journey. The desired destination, on the inside, is as pretty as a busy cop with a busier kid can make it. The building and its tenants are less to be desired.
"Rafi, I own and know how to use a few guns, okay? We're not completely insecure here."
Rafael had only accepted because he had to. He couldn't tell his ex where to live, even if the livelihood of their son was at stake. At least he does trust Sonny.
Rafael bangs on the door to the third floor apartment with music blaring through the wood. Rafael knows, because he is guilty of it as well, of boosting Sebastian's mood by dancing or playing while waiting for his dad to show up to take him. Rafael knows Sonny likes to blast music.
The music lowers and a little voice comes through the door.
"Who is it?" Sebastian yells responsibly.
Rafael smiles. "It's me, it's Dad."
The door's locks click loudly and the door flies open.
"Hi, Dad! You're on time for our dance party!"
Rafael picks Sebastian up, even though the boy squirms and begs to be let down, but Rafael isn't about to let him go without a kiss first. He hasn't seen Sebastian in four days, since it was Sonny's weekend with two extra day off, so they agreed Sonny would keep him longer. Rafael missed his son so badly that it hurt, but this had to be done.
"Oh, I missed you so much!" Rafael tells his giggling boy. "And you smell so good, did you already take a bath?"
"Yup! I had to 'cause I got all dirty makin' dessert."
Rafael kisses his cheek again, and laughs because when Sebastian is alone with Sonny, he usually picks up Sonny's dialect. The accent that used to frustrate him--before marriage, before their son--is so adorable coming from a smaller mouth.
"Hey, Rafi," Sonny finally says, coming out of the kitchen. His long sleeves are rolled just past his elbows, and he is drying his hands with a dish towel. Of course, Rafael notices how good he looks, although a bit tired and run down. That's what happens when you have a seven-year-old alone for four days, though.
"Hey, Sonny," Rafael says, lowering Sebastian from his arms.
Sonny smiles, then leans in and kisses Rafael's cheek in a friendly way. It is nice, familiar, as they were married for almost ten years. Their seven-year-old knows nothing different than them kissing every time they greeted each other.
"So yeah," Sonny says, "Seb was makin' cookies and ended up with flour everywhere, eggs in his hair, I don't even know how that happened. He needed a bath."
Rafael nods. "Perfect. Thank you, that takes time off our nightly routine."
Sebastian runs up to Rafael again. "I made my own cookies!"
Rafael smiles down at him. "Did you have fun?"
"Yes! Of course! Daddy and I always have fun. Yesterday we sat around in our underwear, but he told me not to tell you so you don't think we're lazy."
Rafael glances at Sonny, who is blushing slightly and diverting his eyes. Rafael chuckles. "I don't think you guys are lazy. Anyway, are you ready?"
"I haven't even had dinner yet!" Sebastian whines.
Rafael looks at Sonny. "Oh, I assumed you guys ate. I can come back--"
Sebastian turns around in Rafael's arms to face Sonny. "Daddy! Can Dad have dinner with us? Please?!"
Sonny shrugs. "I mean, if he wants to--"
Sebastian looks up at Rafael. "Please!"
Rafael looks at Sonny. Sonny subtly nods and looks happy while doing so.
"Sure," Rafael then agreed. "I'd love to."
"I'll set the table and wash my hands!" Sebastian yells before running out of the room, leaving his dads alone still in the entryway.
It's disappointing to Rafael that their silences have gotten more and more awkward as their separation has gone on. Rafael finds more often that he isn't sure what to say to this man that he's known for a significant chunk of his life, who he's shared so much with. Rafael misses their easy conversations.
Sonny rubs the back of his neck, something he does when he's nervous.
"Uhm..." he mumbles.
Sebastian runs back to them. "Daddy! Take his coat, geez!"
"Oh," Sonny practically jumps. "Yeah, sorry. Coat?"
Rafael removes his coat and shoes, because no matter how raggedy the building may be, Sonny's apartment is clean for their son.
They sit to eat. Sebastian serves both of them a scoop of homemade macaroni and cheese with the promise of dessert if they eat it all.
"How was work, Dad?" Sebastian asks Rafael, as Rafael had rushed out of work to pick him up.
"It was fine," Rafael says. "I didn't have court today, all I had to do was paperwork."
"Did you miss Daddy at work?"
Rafael nearly gulps when hearing the innocent question. Of course, they work together, and Sebastian knows that. His presence could have been missed on the force.
But hearing the question, Rafael almost wants to admit how much both of them were missed, how much Rafael wishes he had spent the day with both of them instead of at work.
"Sure," Rafael decides to say, "Although, I didn't see Liv today, so I have no idea if they had an emergency."
Sebastian accepts that answer. Rafael takes a sip from his glass of water instead of looking at Sonny.
They talk through dinner, as Sebastian retells his events from the past four days with Sonny. They went to the park, they went to a movie, they ate ice cream. Sometimes Rafael fears Sebastian has more fun with Sonny, and eventually that may cause Sebastian to choose Sonny's side for custody, even though they have their own system of splitting time as of now. He knows he and Sebastian have fun together, but Sonny is clearly more fun.
"But I can't wait to go to work with you tomorrow, Dad. 'Cause then I get to read and color in my sketchbook, huh?"
"That's right," Rafael agrees.
"And maybe Daddy will have to come see you so I can see him and he'll bring me a treat, huh, Daddy? As long as you don't start fighting."
Rafael glances at Sonny. He frowns, looking guilty. Rafael feels guilty, too. Even though it's for work, they do fight in front of Sebastian.
Work was ultimately their demise. Fights at work got too personal and fights at home got too professional. It just stopped working. Rafael was sorry it happened but relieved when Sonny moved out. Sure, it's harder now, because he's in bed alone once again and he goes days without seeing Sebastian, but they're not fighting anymore. He even misses Sonny's company sometimes and wishes they could make it work, learn from their mistakes.
Rafael notices Sebastian stop eating big bites and mumbling more. He watches Sebastian for a second, and Rafael can tell he's wiggling a loose tooth with his tongue.
Sure enough, a second later he spits out one of his front teeth.
"Look!" Sebastian yells.
"Wow!" Sonny says back, before Rafael can.
Rafael crinkles a napkin and presses it to Sebastian's bloody mouth.
"It doesn't even hurt like I was scared it would!" Sebastian says. "It feels weird, though!"
Rafael smiles proudly. "You're being so brave, baby. That tooth has been bothering you."
"I know, Daddy wanted to yank it out but I didn't let him touch it."
Sonny chuckles. "I probably wouldn't have really yanked it out, honey."
"You were serious!"
Rafael laughs. "Has Daddy ever told you of how he lost his front teeth?"
Sebastian looks curiously at Sonny.
Sonny tells the short story. "I was playin' ball with Auntie Gina, missed the ball, and it knocked out my two front teeth. I had to get fake teeth 'til the grown up teeth were ready to come in!"
Sebastian laughs. "What! Did it hurt?"
Sonny nods. "Oh yeah, but I got to eat milkshakes for, like, a week."
Sebastian's eyes grow wide. "Do I get to eat milk shakes now?!"
"No," Rafael is quick to supply.
Sebastian frowns. He pulls the napkin from his gap revealing no more blood, so Sonny instructs him to continue eating.
They're silent for a while longer, but Sebastian breaks the silence.
"I like this," he says, "When he pretend we're a family again."
Rafael and Sonny exchange a surprised look.
"Buddy," Sonny says, "We are a family."
"No, we don't live together. I never see both of you at once."
Rafael frowns, feeling bad. "Sebastian, we're still a family. We're always going to be a family. We're your family."
"Really?"
"Of course," Rafael says.
"Then why don't we live together? Why don't you guys love each other anymore?"
Rafael is about to give Sebastian some story like they'll always love him, and he's all that matters, but Sonny chimes in first.
"Of course I still love your dad," he says, to Rafael's shock. "I will always love your dad. Things are complicated, though."
Rafael looks at Sonny. He looks so honest, open, sweet, and Rafael wants to admit he loves Sonny too, still, but he fears Sonny is just saying this to soothe their son.
"Will they ever not be complicated?" Sebastian asks.
Sonny shrugs. "I don't know, buddy."
Sebastian nods in acceptance. "Okay. Hey, after dinner can we watch Aladdin?"
"Uhm..." Sonny says.
"If Daddy doesn't mind that we stay for a while longer," Rafael cuts in.
Sonny looks at him surprised, with a hint of grin on his face.
"Of course I'd love for you guys to stay," he says.
After dinner, they move to Sonny's little couch to watch the movie. Sebastian sets everything up, because he's the expert, and instructs Sonny to serve their cookies for dessert. Once everything is ready, Sebastian tucks between them on the couch to sing along to every song in the movie.
Rafael should have anticipated him falling asleep halfway through; he never stays awake during movies at home. He drapes himself halfway across both of his fathers, snoozing soundly on their laps.
"At least he's already bathed," Sonny comments, rubbing his head.
Rafael nods.
"You know," Sonny says, "He may seem pumped about everything we did this weekend, but when he's here, all he talks about is being with you."
"Really?" Rafael asks, unconvinced.
"Yeah, he tells me everything you guys do. He's really excited to go to the office tomorrow. Maybe I will swing by to say hi. If you don't mind."
"Of course not," Rafael says, suddenly excited at the thought of seeing Sonny on a personal note tomorrow. "I'd love that."
Sonny cracks a smile.
"He," Rafael tries to correct. "He will love that."
"Mhm," Sonny mutters. "How was work?" he asks, changing the subject. "Get the Lyon case yet?"
"No, he's taking a plea."
"Wow, didn't see that coming. I'm sure Calhoun's happy." Rafael knows Sonny is being sarcastic; Rita is not happy.
Rafael shrugs. "Less time she'll have to torment me, that's for sure. She brought Sebastian a gift today. It's a little stuffed shark."
"She's getting soft in her old age. But then, you still wear the Fordham shirt she got you after my graduation."
Rafael laughs. "I do not."
"Liar," Sonny teases fondly.
Rafael glances at him. Sonny is looking his way with a happy gleam in his eye that hasn't been directed at Rafael for a while.
"What?" Rafael asks accusingly with a hint of glee in his voice.
"I feel like I haven't heard you laugh at me in a long time."
"You haven't been funny in a long time."
Sonny laughs at that. "I'm taking humor lessons from our son."
'Our' makes Rafael's stomach flip, just as it always has.
'Our apartment is wonderful', Sonny had said when he moved in years and years ago.
'Our wedding is beautiful,' he had said at the reception as they danced.
'Our son is perfect,' he had said, holding Sebastian for the first time.
Everything he's shared with Sonny has been the greatest of his lifetime.
"Did you do something different with your hair?" Sonny asks suddenly.
"No, why?"
Sonny shrugs. "You look...good."
Rafael smiles. "Thanks, so do you."
Sonny smiles back.
Finally, the movie ends, even though Sebastian wasn't watching it, so Rafael puts his own coat on while Sonny carefully lifts Sebastian off the couch. Rafael grabs Sebastian's coat so he can just drape it over his back.
"Want me to carry him down to the car?" Sonny asks.
"No, I got him."
"You sure? He's like dead weight asleep."
"It's okay. I went to the gym yesterday."
Rafael is sure he can see a hint of blush on Sonny's cheeks as Sonny tries to discreetly check him out. Rafael smirks.
Sonny hands Sebastian off and Rafael heads for the door.
"Thank you for dinner," Rafael says.
"Anytime. Seriously, maybe we should have, like, family dinner a few times a week."
"That's a good idea," Rafael agrees.
Sonny slowly takes a deep breath. "Okay. I love you, buddy," he whispers, kissing Sebastian's head. "See you tomorrow, Rafi."
"See you."
Sonny kisses Rafael's cheek. Rafael's lips pucker as if to kiss him back.
Sonny only pulls away enough to look into Rafael's eyes. Rafael's heart beats so roughly that he fears Sebastian will wake. Sonny is so close. He looks so beautiful, he smells so good, so familiar. His eyes are dark and so close. Sonny looks down at Rafael's lips and licks his own.
"You could...stay," Sonny whispers. "Put Sebastian in his bed."
"And where would I sleep?" Rafael asks, almost panting. He hasn't been this close to Sonny in too long. He misses Sonny. He loves Sonny, still, always.
"Stay with me," Sonny almost begs, pecking at Rafael's lips.
Rafael feels a spark of desire from the touch, a spark of familiarity that he wants, needs.
He gives a simple nod. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah," Sonny easily says, no thought involved.
"What about--"
"Let him sleep. In the morning, we'll think of something to tell him."
"Until then?" Rafael asks.
Sonny carefully takes Sebastian from Rafael. He quietly walks down the hall to Sebastian's bedroom where he disappears for a few minutes.
Rafael thinks. This could be bad, or it could be wonderful. As with any new relationship, they could get to know each other and learn what works best. But they already have a child. A child that they don't wish to screw up anymore. What if they don't work out again? What if they hurt Sebastian further?
Sonny returns.
Rafael just stares at him.
"Let me tell you what I want," Sonny says, and Rafael is glad he starts the conversation. He continues, "I want you right now in any way you'll let me have you. I have been thinking about this for a while. I meant what I told Sebastian at dinner, Rafi. I love you, and I always will. I know we both wanted out and we agreed, but Rafi, I..."
Rafael's heart hammers. He can't stop himself before he reaches for Sonny and pulls him into a long, slow kiss.
Sonny moans in delight. It's music to Rafael's ears.
They kiss in the entryway for long minutes, just feeling and getting reacquainted. Rafael feels the stress of the past months apart completely melting away. This feels right, it feels real.
Sonny finally pulls Rafael back towards his bedroom. They tiptoe passed Sebastian's room, then quietly shut Sonny's door.
Sonny backs him into the door once it's shut. Rafael lets himself be arranged against the door, Sonny's solid body holding him tight.
"I want you," Sonny pants against Rafael's lips.
"I want you too, Sonny."
Sonny dives back in for another kiss while removing Rafael's coat and suit jacket. Rafael makes use of his hands by pulling Sonny's shirt up and touching his hot skin.
Rafael's tie is removed, then Sonny's shirt, then Rafael's, then they fall into bed.
Rafael's nose digs into Sonny's neck as they make love, breathing him in and falling even further into love with him. As Sonny begs, as Sonny moans, as Rafael drives deeper and deeper into him, as he scratches Rafael's back in pleasure, everything falls down and apart and back together again.
Sonny lays against Rafael's chest when they're done and cleaned up.
"How do you feel?" he asks against Rafael's skin.
"Fucking fantastic," Rafael says.
Sonny laughs. "That's exactly how I feel. About this, us."
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Rafael asks. "Why didn't you tell me...you know."
"That I miss you like crazy?" Sonny shrugs. "I didn't think you felt the same way. I thought you were done with me."
Rafael rubs Sonny's soft hair. "I'll never be done with you. We just need to figure this out slowly, okay? And not tell Sebastian anything yet, okay?"
Sonny nods. "I agree. I wanna change everything that drove us apart."
"We'll work on it."
Sonny kisses his chest. "As long as you agree that we can try. Because I want to."
"I do," Rafael says, kissing Sonny's head.
The next morning, they are purposefully up before Sebastian. Rafael showers and puts on some clothes of his that got mixed with Sonny's in the split, then they work together in the kitchen to make breakfast, sneaking a few kisses that they can get away with before Sebastian wakes.
When he does, he is thrilled.
"I slept in this bed last night?!" he cries as Sonny lifts him into the kitchen counter to "help" with breakfast. "Why? What's happening?!"
"We just wanted to have a family breakfast," Rafael quickly says.
Sebastian beams. "But will you still come to Dad's office today, Daddy?"
"Of course," Sonny says, smiling sweetly.