Work Text:
if min yoongi could pinpoint a time in his life where he regretted his decisions, it would definitely be when he met park jimin.
they met in a math class in university, algebra. he had just transferred schools because this one had a better programme for what he wanted. yoongi sat an available seat not putting much thought into it - no knowing that later he would regret it. park jimin was all shy smiles and awkward silences. yoongi was taken with him as soon as he set eyes on the other.
it took a week for them to speak more than a greeting to each other. when they did speak, it was when kim seokjin came. jimin and seokjin have been friends since the beginning of the semester. they weren't close by any means, but they were comfortable enough to joke around with each other. seokjin brought both jimin and yoongi out of their shells and that's when everything started.
in all honesty, looking back on it now, yoongi doesn't regret opening up to jimin and talking with him.
no one realised yoongi was second oldest in their little math group, until he offhandedly mentioned his birthday. jimin seemed surprised but had no comment, seokjin was ecstatic to have a same age friend in the class. yoongi however, couldn't wrap his head around that jimin was a freshman, albeit a very mature acting one. he decided that he liked the younger even more.
the flirting didn't start until after a month.
valentine's day was approaching, hearts appearing everywhere around the school, seokjin vehemently voicing his disdain for the event. jimin laughed and yoongi asked why, triggering a rant from the oldest. both yoongi and jimin learned that the they were both single and passed it off as an interesting fact.
on valentine's day, yoongi had acquired a flower from a friend, she said that valentine's day isn't only for lovers. he appreciated the sentiment - and the rose. (especially after jimin took it, trimmed it, and put it in yoongi's hair for him. but you didn't hear that from him.)
they exchange numbers.
yoongi's crushes have never lasted long, they always seemed to fizzle after he confessed. (which is why, he supposes, jimin messed him up so bad)
his birthday passes, ("happy birthday, yoongi!" "t-thanks.") and midterms are right around the corner. jimin and yoongi are subtly flirting with each other and yoongi decides that he should tell the other how he feels. he wants to take jimin aside and tell him face to face but he chickens out. he ends up telling him over text.
yoongi: hey um, i really like you a lot
jimin: oh
jimin: can i tell you my response at school?
yoongi: uh sure
to say yoongi wasn't nervous, is a lie. seokjin conveniently wasn't there to buffer, so they were both left to sit in silence awkwardly throughout the whole lesson.
yoongi slowly packs his stuff up and jimin awkwardly stands there, as if waiting for yoongi to look at him (he was). yoongi looks at jimin expectantly and jimin turns him down in the nicest way. ("uh so, im actually not looking to be in a relationship right now? i kinda just want to focus on myself, yknow?") yoongi understood though and walked away.
he doesn't know why it hurts so bad when it shouldn't. it should fizzle away like his other crushes. right? (he ends up crying. his friend, namjoon comforts him and offers to beat jimins ass. he declines, laughing through his tears.)
for some inane reason, they keep flirting, if not flirting more. yoongi is confused but he's most certainly not going to put a stop to it. their texting has increased significantly as well, its gotten to a point where jimins friends know who yoongi is, despite the fact they have never met. yoongi has grown more smitten with jimin, and he likes to think that jimin also liked him as well.
self-deprecating humour is a defining factor of yoongi's. he never really thought much about it until jimin texts him about it. now everytime yoongi feels like shit, he texts jimin. in all honesty, he thinks that it was good he lets out his thoughts to someone, but not at the rate he started to do it. for him, jimin was always there. he always had his phone around to tell yoongi that it was all okay, to focus on his breathing. jimin helped him a lot with his anxiety and thoughts. yoongi in return, poured his heart out to jimin (he would later regret this the most.) jimin knew most things about yoongi, however yoongi didn't know much about jimin. so naturally, he asked more about him. but park jimin always had the ability to move the attention off of himself and to yoongi.
that is until jimin told him about his father. it wasn't anything too revealing, just that he hadn't seen him in years and wasn't too fond of him. it shouldn't have made yoongi happy to know more about jimin, but it did.
he didn't know how much he spoke of jimin until namjoon pointed it out. he didn't know how much he thought of jimin until he caught himself doing so, instead of doing homework. he didn't know how much jimin meant to him, until he saw him holding hands with a guy.
he couldn't explain how he felt, only processing the fact that he was lied to. (he later asked jimin about the guy and jimin said it was nothing. "he just has a crush on me, but obviously im not interested." yoongi bought it, stupidly.)
april hits and yoongi gets asked out by a guy in his music class. he accepts to the date and to be his boyfriend. he thought it would be a good idea to get over jimin. (he breaks up with the guy a week later because he feels its unfair to him that he's hung up over someone else.) (it turns out that the guy was giving someone else bedroom eyes behind his back.)
he doesn't know what posses him, (he does, it was his hornyness), but he ends up sexting jimin on a weekend. it was kinky and he honestly didn't knowthe younger could be like that.
he also doesn't know what went through his mind the multiple times he sent nudes to jimin. (he does, it was his crippling need for validation.)
it took him months of convincing, just to get three pictures of jimins abs.
yoongi doesn't know when jimin started writing his name on various parts of yoongi's body. not that he minded because somehow, in his twisted mindset, it was a way of showing that he belonged to jimin. but jimin never let him do the same.
yoongi always smiled the brightest around jimin. but weirdly enough, he also was subjected to many frowns (and tears) because of jimin.
(yoongi: random question, are we dating?
jimin: no.
yoongi: but do you like me?
jimin: yea... i do)
yoongi goes on vacation during exam reviews.
(yoongi: im homesick
jimin: its been a day
yoongi: i know but i miss people
jimin: like?
yoongi: like my friends
yoongi: my dog
yoongi: ....you
jimin: well you knew what you were getting into when you left so i do understand)
their its-not-a-relationship-but-its-totally-one relationship went on like this for two years. jimin and yoongi would be flirting, then jimin would be distantly cold and yoongi would be left berating himself because he obviously said something wrong. yoongi would constantly be very wary of his words and actions. jimin could say and do anything with yoongi but yoongi couldn't repeat the same things or jimin would become distant.
jimin helped him get better, but yoongi didn't realise he also caused him to relapse.
oh god yoongi, don't say that he'll get upset. why is he staring at me like that? did i do something wrong? why won't he talk to me? is this because i asked him if we were dating again? why did he ignore me while we walked past each other? he hasn't hugged him in a while, did i do something wrong?
yoongi didn't realise how fucked up their relationship was until he went to jimin crying and jimin completely walked away. that made him cry harder and namjoon once again threatened to beat jimins ass. (he stupidly declined again)
he started distancing himself from jimin to see if he would notice. (he didnt and it hurt so bad, so so bad.) yoongi would still occasionally sit with him at lunch, but it didn't hit him that he was cast aside until he saw another guy awkwardly stand around jimin, much like how he used too. feeling numb, yoongi threw away his lunch and walked away.
he complete cut off contact with jimin. he was glad they no longer took the same classes anymore and he painfully moved on. he focused more on his studies and his friends.
yoongi spent a year getting over jimin. he had to learn how to stop checking his phone every five seconds for text messages, he learned how to stop looking for a familiar poof of hair. he had to learn to be dependent on himself, which brought him into the world of bath bombs and self care.
it really didn't occur to him how much park jimin fucked his life over until he had a panic attack after finding out he would be taking the same psychology class as him.
it didn't occur to him how much he used to depend on park jimin. how much tears he wasted on jimin. he still can't explain the tug in his heart everytime jimin kisses taehyung with such fervor, and then proceeds to flit his eyes over to yoongi.
it didn't occur to yoongi how much he let jimin play with his emotions and then toss him aside when he was done. yoongi can't fathom as to why he still finds jimin appealing even when he screwed with him for two years of his life.
it didn't occur to him that all the highly things he thought of jimin were the physical aspects. the hugs, the comforting. it does occur to him that after two years he still knows nothing of jimin, only a shell of him. (his smile, his eyes, his laugh.) (he knew nothing of how he acted with his friends (he only remembers being ignored during lunch in favor of stupid jokes), how his family was like, etc)
yoongi doesn't know how he'll react to seeing jimin now that he's graduated. he does know that he almost threw hands when he saw a certain kim taehyung in a store (namjoon dragged him away before he could create a scene). he most definitely knows that he would be passive aggressive (mostly agressive) when confronting jimin. he can't say that he didn't enjoy some aspects of their not-relationship, even though he now realises how unhealthy it was. he can't promise that he doesn't sometimes wish that taehyung and jimin will break up so jimin can feel yoongi's pain.
yoongi most definitely knows that he does regret falling so hard for park jimin, someone whom he never truly knew.