Ice arrived at the party and Sally showed him to the guest house so he could change into a tuxedo. She went into another room and checked that all was ready for Tobias.
Tony Wonder was going to drug Tobias and trap him in a prop closet, which one of his assistants would wheel away to the guest house, without knowing why. Then Sally was going to bring the prop closet inside the house, drag Tobias out, and lock him in a bedroom until the show was over. This far away from the stage, Tobias hopefully would not be wakened by the noise of the party and fireworks. Whenever Tobias came to and tried to get out, Sally would just tell him that he got drunk and passed out, so she hid him from reporters. She was just trying to prevent a scandal from ruining Lindsay's birthday party. That was the plan, at least.
When George arrived at the party, he said to Buster in disgust, "Look at this stuff! Sitwell's so desperate to buy Lindsay's love." But George secretly felt envious of his rival's money and success. Why couldn't Sitwell just let go of Lindsay? If Sitwell was lonely in his estate and had an empty nest, then he could adopt any underprivileged kid from one of his charities. Instead he wanted to steal Lindsay because George and Lucille had stolen Nellie from him all those years ago. With a sigh, George gave the valet his car keys while he and Buster got out of the Mercedes. Wandering into the crowd of guests, George and Buster went to look for their other family members.
At another part of the estate, Lindsay and Tobias got out of the limo, followed by Steve Holt, and the press mobbed them for pictures. Stan Sitwell stepped forward to greet them, and he hugged Lindsay as he wished her a happy birthday.
"Thank you, Stan." It was awkward to call him that, but Lindsay couldn't call him "Dad" like he wanted her to.
Sitwell noticed the necklace she was wearing, and he almost assumed it was from the recent shopping spree, but Lucille 2 recognized the necklace.
"Your mother's necklace? It looks so nice on you."
"Thank you." Lindsay hugged Lucille 2 and said that she was so glad her mother couldn't get out of jail.
Meanwhile, Tobias loved the attention from the press, and he started bragging that he was an actor and had a role in an upcoming movie from Tantamount Studios. He didn't mention that it was because of Maeby, so that it would seem like he earned the role without nepotism.
Steve exclaimed, "Steve Holt!" when reporters asked who he was. When he put his arms down, he did explain that he was Gob's son. "Is my dad here yet?"
But of course, Gob and Michael were very late, and so the family moved on while other party guests arrived.
George Sr. had to call Lindsay's cellphone to find her, then he and Buster met them by a fountain.
Lindsay was sipping champagne with Lucille 2 and Stan, but now Sally joined them. Lindsay was jealous to see her rival with Ice, though they explained that it was a fake date because of Michael coming to the party.
"Oh." Still, Lindsay was disappointed that Ice was being Sally's bodyguard first. "I hope Michael doesn't really try to run away tonight. That might ruin my party."
"Indeed." Sitwell asked Ice to be discreet if he could. "We don't need a scandal."
George almost wished that Michael did ruin the party and humiliate Sitwell. But then again, that might hurt Lindsay and doom Lucille to being convicted, so he stayed quiet. He hoped Gob was keeping a close eye on Michael, wherever they were.
Sally Sitwell faked being nice to Lindsay, but it was awkward, and she said she looked forward to seeing whose company would make more money.
Stan said there was plenty of room for two successful housing companies in Orange County. Then he whisked Lindsay off to schmooze with investors, and George followed closely.
Buster and Steve wandered away to enjoy the fireworks, and they had fun sampling all the food from the trays. They also bonded over how they loved magic, and how Buster performed with Gob a couple of times. "I wish I could be a good assistant and do things right," Steve said.
Buster said that magic looked fun because of the dancing, but it was hard. He accidentally cut off Gob's fingers and got him buried in a coffin, after all. "That's why I eventually forgave Gob about the seal that bit off my hand. Gob didn't mean to hurt me."
Meanwhile, Lucille Austero tried to keep Tobias from saying anything embarrassing, and she pulled him away. "Leave the boring business stuff to them. Let's have fun." She invited Tobias to meet her brother Argyle, who used to perform in musicals before he went to rehab.
"Argyle? Oh, I've only heard his name as Gyle Garland when the Bluths mentioned him."
"Yes, that was the name he preferred back when we played the young lovers in the Fantasticks. Lately, though, Argyle says he wants to change his name to Austero, like me." Argyle could be so silly sometimes, though many people referred to them both as Austero already, since they threw many parties together.
(Lucille 2 had also encouraged Argyle to invite as many of his gay friends to the party as possible. Between them and Tony Wonder's gay fans, Tobias would have plenty of men to pick from once he came out as gay.)
Tobias did like meeting Argyle and his friends, but Sally Sitwell knew this was part of her father's plan to out Tobias. Sally kept trying to get Tobias alone and come with her to see Tony Wonder before his show, but Tobias said he didn't want to see how the magic was done and ruin the illusion.
"No, no, he won't show you how his tricks are done. I just mean, you can get an autograph or something. Tony's famous, and was just in a British magazine."
Tobias said, "Yes, I've seen it in Wee Britain." He still went there sometimes, and everyone called him a poofter. "I do like meeting famous people, but I don't want to annoy Gob. He's jealous of Tony Wonder. I wonder where Gob is, by the way." He checked his watch.
Some of Argyle's friends wanted to meet Tony Wonder, and asked if Sally would take them backstage instead. She said they could do that later, after the show, but she wanted Tobias to talk to Tony first.
"Because, um, because sometimes he still gets nervous about coming out, and he wants to discuss his issues with his family." After all, Tony often talked about his problems with his father and his brothers. "So maybe as a therapist, you could help him."
Tobias was reluctant to act as a therapist again, just when he was having some success as an actor, but Argyle's friends all encouraged him to go. "Oh, help Tony Wonder!"
"He's so great and brave!"
Tobias liked the self-esteem boost, and he figured that he needed to add more "celebrities I know" to his highlight reel, so he decided not to worry about annoying Gob or Steve Holt with a perceived betrayal.
So Tobias went off with Sally, and Ice dutifully stayed close to Sally, though he worried about Lindsay and kept scanning the crowd for Michael.
Lucille Austero was slightly puzzled by Sally's behavior, but shrugged it off and figured that giving therapy to Tony Wonder might also help Tobias come out as gay. So Lucille stayed with Argyle and his friends, who gushed about Tony Wonder's magazine article.
Then George Michael and Maeby arrived at the birthday party, and they both wore their fanciest clothes. George Michael became nervous around all the reporters, but Maeby was totally in her element as a studio executive. She confirmed that she was indeed married, then hinted that she had a special announcement to make later if they would stick around.
Everyone was curious, and they took pictures of her beautiful designer dress. She looked so grown up.
The cousins began to mingle with the crowd, and they ran into Buster and Steve, who hugged them and congratulated them on their marriage. They showed off their wedding rings and talked about their new apartment.
Steve tried not to be jealous, and he told them that Gob and Michael didn't arrive yet. "Do you think we should call them?"
"No, no. Let's just enjoy the party and eat some free shrimp." Maeby led George Michael away and grabbed a champagne glass too.
They smiled secretly while thinking of their honeymoon, and they looked very much in love, in Steve's opinion. He tried to be happy for her, and then he went off with Buster, talking about what it was like to have feelings for a family member.
Buster knew that feeling, but told Steve that he would get over Maeby. "Come on, do you want to meet somebody at this party? I'll help you. We can do some magic together to impress women." He was so naive.
Steve was surprised that Buster was being so outgoing and confident. Buster confessed that he was excited and falling in love with someone now, so he needed to brush up on his flirting skills. "You can show me how you kiss girls and dance with them, you know." Buster did have some dating experience with Lucille Austero and Starla, but not much.
"Okay, Uncle Buster." Steve was really happy to spend time with more of the Bluth family.
Lucille Austero soon returned to her boyfriend to tell him where Tobias was, and how Sally unwittingly helped them.
With Sitwell preoccupied, George decided to sneak away with Lindsay and look for the rest of the family. They ran into George Michael and Maeby by the fountain.
Pop-Pop told them, "No, I haven't seen Michael either, but he's out of the family."
Lindsay defended Michael somewhat. "He's probably just avoiding me, like he promised. He knows that I'm uncomfortable." Then she took a breath and tried to explain to the kids about Michael hitting on her for years, and how they almost had sex recently.
"No shit!" Maeby said.
George Michael was confused and stunned as well. He stammered incoherently and had to sit down. He dimly remembered a phone call where his dad claimed that he would not hook up with Lindsay just because he found out she was adopted. He was a liar and a hypocrite.
Maeby felt smug and then wanted to prove that Michael lied about Tobias as well, so she asked Lindsay about the morning a few days before the Queen Mary when Lindsay fought with Michael in his bedroom at 3 AM.
To Maeby's surprise, Lindsay confessed that she tried to get Michael to marry her by threatening to sell her shares. "But he refused, and said he wasn't into older women."
"He refused? But why?"
Lindsay shrugged. "I don't know. I think he was in shock and didn't really believe that I was adopted yet. And anyway, George Michael had confessed to him about making out with Maeby, so I guess Michael felt guilty."
That comforted George Michael somewhat, that his father had tried not to be a hypocrite, and had initially resisted the impulse to sleep with his sister.
"So then did you yell at him about Dad?" Maeby said.
"What do you mean?" Lindsay asked, but then she guessed, "Oh you mean about me divorcing Tobias? Yeah, I told Michael that I wanted a divorce and to remarry before I was 40, but he just wouldn't listen, even after I yanked him by his hair and threw him down. I was so angry, and then I went back to my room and woke up Tobias. I told him I was going to get a divorce and I kicked him out."
"Yeah, I heard that," Maeby said. "But then Dad went into Uncle Mike's room."
Maeby was getting confused and had to sit down too. So Lindsay didn't know about Tobias and Michael after all?
Lindsay then said, "Oh, Tobias told me later that he got a job from Michael. He threatened to sell his stock too, so Michael agreed to give him a job finding a party location. He was the one who booked the Queen Mary."
George Michael felt better, and he touched Maeby's hand. So his dad had told the truth about something.
Maeby asked her mother, "Are you sure?"
Lindsay said, "Yes, he wouldn't stop bragging about how at least Michael still considered him part of the family, and even if we did divorce, he'd still have Michael." She rolled her eyes. "He's got such a stupid crush on Michael that he thinks Michael wants him too."
"Yes. Tobias is so in denial that he keeps projecting onto other people. Don't you remember, Maeby, how he was in Boston?"
Maeby nodded and reluctantly recalled that Tobias always thought everybody else was gay. Here in Newport Beach, there was even a time during the high school Shakespeare play that Tobias tried to set up Steve Holt and George Michael to kiss. Maeby was just so convinced that her father must have done something with Uncle Mike, but apparently it was just a misunderstanding.
George Sr. said, "Stop talking about Michael and that useless Nellie. Let's talk about babies." So he started to lecture the kids about birth control and tell horror stories about babies having babies. Maeby was too numb to protest, and George Michael just sighed and insisted he was using protection with his wife.
"Good. And if you guys ever change your mind about this emancipation stuff, you can always come home."
"Yes," Lindsay offered. "After all, you're not fighting with Michael now, so there's no reason to be far away. Unless you just like Hollywood more."
Michael and Gob arrived finally, and there was not as much press still waiting at the front for VIPs to arrive. They got champagne and walked by the orchestra which was playing a romantic song, while party guests danced. It almost felt like being on a date right under everybody's noses, and they discreetly held hands.
But then they pulled apart when Buster and Steve called out to them. They had no luck with women, and they greeted their family warmly. "Hey brothers!"
"Hi Dad! Uncle Mike." Then Steve asked why they were so late.
Gob lied, "Uh, the doves got away again."
Michael was surprised. "Again?"
Gob told him how the magic show ended at the model home.
"Oh." So it didn't go that well after all. Michael told Gob to hang out with Steve and Buster while he went to find George Michael.
On the way, he ran into Stan Sitwell, though, who stopped him. "Where are you going? To find Sally?"
"No, sir, I just want to see my son and Maeby."
"Good, but try to stay away from the reporters. And Sally."
"I know." Michael looked uncomfortable and wondered if Lindsay told Sitwell about the incident where they almost had sex. Maybe also the nonsense about him hitting on her for years. That must be why Sitwell was looking at him suspiciously.
Sitwell tried to be friendly and polite, though, and he changed the subject. Gesturing to the banners, he apologized for not including Michael's name. "I mean, this can't be your real birthday."
"Sure," Michael said, trying to shrug it off. "I understand. Besides, Lindsay said it was about the face of the new company."
"Yes, and believe me, I would have preferred not to let your father come either, but Lindsay insisted on it, and now he's off with her again." Sitwell knew they were plotting against him, but he still hoped to win her over.
Since Sitwell apparently knew so much about Bluth family secrets, Michael asked him, "Do you know when my real birthday is?"
He shook his head. "Sorry. It's been so long ago that I can't remember." He remembered Lindsay's birthday just fine, for he still thought of her as his lost Nellie.
Michael sighed and started to go. "Well anyway, I've got to find George Michael."
"Wait, just a second." Sitwell reached in his pocket for a business card. "I've got something that I think will help you."
Sitwell handed the card over, then pat Michael's back as he confidentially whispered, "To help you get over your obsession with Lindsay."
Michael read the card and realized that it was for a psychiatrist. "Oh. Well, at least you didn't recommend Tobias."
"Oh, definitely not!" Sitwell knew that Tobias had problems of his own. "Anyway, Michael, I hope you can learn to get better, and find someone new. Good luck."
Gob helped Steve hook up with a woman at the party, all the better to get rid of his clingy son, then he walked away with Buster, eating food and waiting for Michael's return. The brothers passed by a sign advertising Tony Wonder's act.
Buster read aloud a note on the sign. "As seen in Attitude magazine. Is that a magic magazine? I thought it was called Poof?"
Gob explained that Attitude was a gay magazine. "That's Tony Wonder's new gimmick. I'm here, I'm queer, now I'm over here."
Buster asked, "You mean he's not really gay? It's just a gimmick?"
Gob shrugged. "I don't know. He was into the ladies when we met him, remember? Or maybe he's bi. I don't care." Gob just jealously complained about Sitwell not letting him perform.
Buster shrugged. "Maybe he'll mess up. Like, the doves will fly away from him too."
"He doesn't use doves since he lost a n--" Gob got an idea then. He could sabotage Tony's closet act. "Hey Busty, I gotta go now."
"Okay." Buster watched Gob finish his champagne and run off. Buster went to go ask a waiter if they had any juice instead of just water and champagne.
Michael finally caught up with the kids, who were alone now. He hugged George Michael and then tried to apologize to Maeby. She reluctantly agreed to shake his hand, at George Michael's prompting, but still felt weird.
George Michael asked why his father was late, and Michael used the same lie about the doves.
"You're at a hotel now? They really kicked you out of the family."
"Uh, sort of." Michael could guess about what Lindsay might have told them, and knew he had to go along. "I'll get an apartment soon I hope."
"Aunt Lindsay told me about you and her," George Michael murmured. "So you were telling the truth about Uncle Tobias all along? Why didn't you just tell me, Dad?"
Michael felt guilty and frowned. "Well, I--a sibling is different." But he loved Gob.
His son nodded. "And you thought she was blood-related to you for so long. Well, I'm sorry that things are so weird now, and you're all alone."
"I'm not. I mean, Gob--Gob gave a job helping with his magic. That's why he had the doves at my hotel." He hesitated on what he could say. "I--We don't hate each other. We never did really. It's just--"
"Boyfights and stuff." George Michael had seen the videos. He wasn't sure how he felt about his father being friends with Gob. "Is he still seeing my ex-girlfriend?" He knew that specifying her by name would not work with his father.
Michael shook his head and tried to apologize on Gob's behalf. "No, he dumped her, and um, he's sorry. Please don't be mad at him, George Michael. I mean, you're happy now with Maeby. Married and everything."
George Michael nodded and tried to accept that. He turned and asked Maeby if they could be alone, and she agreed readily, for she was going to publicly tell off her mother and ruin her party. Good thing that her husband reminded her.
So while they were alone, Michael gave George Michael the wedding ring he'd asked for.
"Thanks." He opened the box to look inside at the ring, at the proof that his father accepted his marriage now, and he hugged his dad. He felt excited. "I hope she'll like it." He closed the box and put the ring in his pocket.
Michael asked how they were doing in their new apartment. Did George Michael like his job?
His son said everything was great, but he grew concerned, asking his father what he would do to get over Lindsay. "Like maybe you should see a therapist. Or can you not afford to now?"
Michael said he just needed time and would stay busy with his trial and helping Gob.
Meanwhile Sally took Tobias backstage and introduced him to Tony Wonder, but she left in a hurry so that she would have an alibi, and so that she could go unlock the guest house. She had to get rid of Ice, though, by telling him that she spotted Michael by Lindsay and pointing into the crowd. So he hurried away.
Tony was a little confused at first about Tobias wanting to give him therapy, but he went along. He tried to lure Tobias close to the closet while getting ether to drug him. However, things went wrong because a couple of Argyle's friends sneaked backstage to eavesdrop on Tony Wonder, and they burst into the room accidentally. They had been leaning on the door and wall, not realizing how flimsy the backstage area was.
The door almost hit Tobias, and Tony pulled him out of the way, instead of realizing that he could let him get hit and knocked out. Tony asked who the people were, and they started to answer, but other dressing room walls started falling. (Tony usually had gay dancers and assistants perform during the show.) Then Ice came back in looking for Sally and/or Michael, and there was much confusion as people ran around trying to get the walls up.
Tony tried to get Tobias alone again so he could drug him, but Tobias was acting very weird now.
He said that Tony saved him from getting crushed under the door and the two guys. Tobias had often suffered severe injuries before, and this was the first time that somebody saved him. He was very grateful and really wanted to help Tony with therapy.
Tony found Tobias creepy, though, and he didn't want to get into his real feelings about his father or his brothers. Especially when Tobias kept saying double entendres. Was this guy trying to flirt with him? But whoa. He just said "analrapy"!
It was enough to make Tony panic and try to escape him. He ran out of the dressing-room and tried to call for his assistants while going towards the stage where there was a large closet for his illusion. He was going to hide inside it, but then he collided with Gob, who was trying to sabotage it. Not realizing this, Tony impulsively kissed him.
Startled, Gob pulled back to protest, but Tony held onto him and whispered, "Pretend to be my boyfriend, please. I've got a horrible stalker."
He kissed Gob again, and Gob was starting to get into it, though he felt guilty and worried that Michael might see them.
Soon Tobias found them and stopped short in shock. "Gob!"
Gob stopped kissing him and looked up. "Tobias?" Oh dammit! He might tell Michael. Gob pulled away and started to say, "This isn't--!"
Tony interrupted, though. "I don't need any analrapy! Stop following me."
Gob understood now, and turned to tell Tony, "He means therapy. Analysis and therapy."
Tony calmed down. "Seriously?" He looked at Tobias irritably, "Don't say that, then!" God, Sally was right that Bluths were awful, including in-laws like Tobias.
Tobias apologized, and looked disappointed, because he did indeed have a crush on Tony for saving him, but clearly it would go nowhere, just like his crushes on Carl Weathers and guys from the gym. This was something he seldom admitted to himself.
"Please go," Tony said, forgetting about Sally's plan to trap him. "I don't need therapy either."
Tobias didn't protest. He apologized for interrupting them, and just said to Gob with surprise, "I didn't know you were gay." He thought they were friends, because they did talk sometimes.
Gob said, "I'm bisexual." Then he added, "It's a secret. Don't tell Michael or anybody."
"Okay." So Tobias left, and they were alone again.
Gob tried to leave too, since there was no point in sabotaging the illusion if Tony knew it was him, but Tony held onto him.
"Hey, I'm sorry about kissing you. But you didn't mind it, did you? Because you're bi?"
Gob shrugged. "I-I have a boyfriend already, and I don't want him to find out you kissed me."
"Oh. All right. I won't tell anybody either. Sorry, I just panicked. I have a secret gi--guy friend, boyfriend too." He liked how they were the same.
"Secret? Why would your boyfriend be a secret? You came out already."
"Oh, um, she--he doesn't want to deal with paparazzi following us around, and his family's always interfering too."
"Oh. Well I gotta go now."
"No, wait," Tony said. "Why don't you stay and we'll go to my dressing room? I wanna ask you about escaping that prison in Iraq. And then you can stay for my show. I'll let you and your boyfriend get good seats, and then you can come backstage for autographs and stuff."
Gob shook his head and reminded him, "He's a secret. We can't be seen..." Gob thought about it. "Maybe I'll bring my brother instead."
"Sure. Is he a fan of the new show?"
"Yeah, let me go get him." So Gob left to look for Michael and explain things. He wasn't sure that Tobias could really keep the secret to himself. If he had awareness and control over the words he said, then he wouldn't say half the things that he did.
Tony watched Gob go and thought what a good kisser he was.