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A New Nemesis Rises

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PR was having a bit of a problem. Well, bit of a problem was a bit of an understatement. PR was having quite the fiasco.

Superman's G+ account had just been suspended.

Sure, he could still use his email, but he never used that. No, the entire function of his Google account was for his PR team to send out updates for him, manage all the (absolutely starkers) fans, and carefully balance the Circles. When the message came back that the account was suspended, PR linked the powers that be at Google to Superman's Facebook page. As it turned out, Facebook had no problems with Superman existing without a "real" name.

It was a gamble, but the PR people wrote to support, Hi Google Support! My account has been suspended! Superman isn't, as you know, my real-real name, but my public identity. If I were to reveal myself, things would go catastrophically wrong. Please let me use my public identity as a public figure. Thank you, Superman."

Someone must have pissed in the Google Support Team's Cheerio's that morning as the reply came back swiftly: "Unfortunately, for the security of all of our G+ users, we have to insist on using a real name. You can fax documentation to (650) 555-3845. Action must be taken within the next 4 days or the account will be deleted."

Unwilling to distract Superman from whatever date he was on with Lois, the PR team tried again, "Well, the only 'real' name I have is Kal-El, and when I try to enter that, I get told it's not a Real Name either. Please advise."

The response was exactly a carbon copy of the first.

PR, used to having to call many a people about Superman, called Google. After being on hold for two days, hung up three times, and on hold again for two more days, they finally got a real person who read off the Support Page Wiki and then hung up on them. They tried every variation of name they could, but 'Super' was doing them in. Finally, one of them had the brilliant idea of adding his name in a different language. 'Man' might have been different in a variety of languages, but 'super' was distinctly a made-up English word and couldn't be translated (at least, according to Google translate, the irony of using a Google service lost on everyone in the room).

Their turn of luck came when Clark came back from his date.

"And Lois says they won't even let Madonna have her own page! She violates the policy! Can you imagine! I need to write about this!"

PR didn't have the heart to tell the poor kid that he was also affected by this.

Within days, a personal phone call from Larry Page came.

"Of course Superman can have his own account without needing to prove his Real Name," Larry said, quite apologetically. "That was an error by our support team, and they've been retrained on how to handle requests like Superman's."

After the call, one PR lackey turned to the other: "Google's reprogramming their bots again."

After the call, Larry turned to one of the tech workers: "Track the IP address on anything Superman posts. If it duplicates, let me know immediately. I will have his identity one way or the other."