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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane is conscious for the entire crash. That doesn’t mean he remembers it.

    The brain has a funny way of blocking out trauma like this, of shielding the body from things that would hurt it to remember. But Shane’s ears are still ringing with the sounds of metal crunching and tires screeching, even if there’s a large blank space in his head where the memory should be. The crash was a blur, a blink. Terribly long and then suddenly over, a heavy silence now descending over the eerie stillness.

    Or:

    A week after returning from their honeymoon, Shane gets in a car accident that threatens the future he and Ilya so painstakingly fought to build.

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    30 Apr 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    ch 9

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    "Rozy," Brian, the team doctor says, "talk to me, buddy. That puck clipped you pretty good, how’s the pain?"

    Ilya blinks. He clenches his jaw against a wave of nausea. He rests his cheek on the ice, and the cold helps a little.

    "Bad. Very bad." He swallows. "Is Shane here?"

    -

    or, in the final MTL/BOS game of the year, ilya takes a puck to the head.

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    16 Apr 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    ch 18

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    Shane was twelve when hockey scouts started showing up to his games. He was barely fifteen when a check went horribly wrong, fucked his knee to hell and gave him a grade III concussion. During rehab he found swimming, and he was seventeen when he went to the Olympics as an alternate for freestyle swim events.

    He’s 24 and working for his mom’s sports PR company when he meets Ilya Fucking Rozanov.

    May contain: Shane Hollander navigating what it means to be mostly normal when your whole childhood was about preparing you for greatness. Shane Hollander attempting to flirt. Possibly less than 100% accurate descriptions of what a sports PR agent does.

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    25 May 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    ch 8

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    “You are planning to rob me or what?” He hears Rozanov call, and he can’t help but smile slightly even as he rolls his eyes, closing the door to the linen closet and feeling strangely lighter than when he opened it, reassured that he’s just trying to read into a blank page, that today doesn’t mean anything more than Rozanov doesn’t mind him being around, which is strangely flattering.

    “I don’t know,” he calls back. “Don’t Russians like diamonds and fur and stuff? Where should I start looking if I want to know what my options are?”

    He hears Rozanov laugh, and it makes him smile.

    When he joins him in the living room once more, Rozanov tugs him down to lean against him again. Shane goes easier this time, settling into it, knowing it doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that he just happens to be the closest warm body, the person on Rozanov’s roster who filled today’s slot.

    (the tuna meltdown doesn't happen) (this does not mean they get ANY better at communication)

    (or: how shane didn't realize he had a boyfriend for several months)

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    24 May 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    When Shane starts the document, it makes sense to him.

    Later on, when it’s published onto a hundred different gossip sites with hundreds of comments dissecting every word, it looks insane.

    It starts because Shane has no one to talk to about everything. He’s never even kept a journal. He balks at the thought of getting a therapist. It’s not like he’s going to risk writing it down physically for someone to find. The only logical way that Shane can think of to deal with his feelings is to open up a blank Google Docs page and start writing.

    or Shane decides to write down all his feelings instead of talking to Ilya. After years of writing about their relationship, the entire document gets leaked online.

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    23 May 2026