Artemis_Kurogami



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  1. Haikyuu!! (2)

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    Summary

    kei gets a nightmare and breakdowns, yamaguchi noticed and comforts him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    313
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    58
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    530

    01 Dec 2020

    Bookmarker's Notes

    Okay, so I'm not a native English so my point of view may not be the best. That said, this fic was absolutety sweet and soft and I liked it! I think your writing is good, especially for your first fic. If I had advice for you, it would be that, maybe, you could describe Tsukki's nightmare or at least its effect on him a bit more. There's also a repetition of "come close" that could be avoided, is it possible to say "When Kei did so" or something? Also, that's not really important but when you say that Tadashi teases him, maybe you could add "trying to cheer him up" or "trying to distract him" because I don't think that you usually tease someone who is having a breakdown for nothing. And finally, if Kei is saying "if it's you, it's fine", it sounds kind of illogical to then refuse to repeat, maybe make it a thought he doesn't voice? So... that's already a long comment but I'm still gonna add that I REALLY enjoyed what you wrote!