1 - 20 of 70 Works in Valdo Marx Being an Asshole

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  1. Tags
    Summary

    When Zolton asks Geralt to be a bodyguard to the famous artist Jaskier, he takes the job, needing both money and a place to stay since Yennifer kicked him out. He expects the job to be like any other bodyguard job, follow the artist around, ignore their flare for the dramatics, go home and repeat. Bodygaurding was a boring job, but it was steady until he got back on his feet.

    Of course nothing goes as expected.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    69,013
    Chapters:
    31/?
    Comments:
    218
    Kudos:
    426
    Bookmarks:
    72
    Hits:
    10925
  2. Tags
    Summary

    After almost losing their family fortune because of a weak link in the family, the Viscount de Lettenhove's eldest son is to be married off to the Marx's boy to ensure the titles, estate, and money can stay with them. It was a fine, neat arrangement - until Vesemir, the Duke of Kaedwen, and his sons attend the ball and Jaskier finds himself swept up in a new proposal of his own making.

    --

    Regency!AU

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    307,102
    Chapters:
    27/?
    Comments:
    965
    Kudos:
    1189
    Bookmarks:
    256
    Hits:
    39094
  3. Tags
    Summary

    "Did you hear?" a voice at a nearby table asked. "The witcher was spotted outside of town."
    Jaskier stiffened slightly as another voice answered. "Really? Coming to get that swamp beast, eh?"
    "Must be," said the first voice. "I guess we'll see if he can manage it."
    Jaskier stood stiffly, grabbing his bag and moving quickly for the door, ignoring the calls of the tavern owner. Have to get out, have to-
    His thoughts were cut off with a grunt as he ran straight into something extremely solid. He fell to the floor with a crash and bursts of laughter from the patrons. Jaskier started to get up when the shadow of what he'd run into fell over him. He looked up slowly, dreading what he would see.
    The black boots and pants, the chest the size of a barrel, that white hair and those golden eyes…
    "Geralt…"

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    228,752
    Chapters:
    58/?
    Comments:
    181
    Kudos:
    828
    Bookmarks:
    196
    Hits:
    34002
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Our favorite lovable Bard is a little more than he let's Geralt know. Follow them through the years as he learns to let down his walls and show Geralt how beautiful he really is.

    (All chapters based on prompt from What About The Bard? 2022)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,567
    Chapters:
    12/14
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    88
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    1171
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Sent as tribute to the Warlord, Valdo Marx does not last long in Kaer Morhen. This is entirely his fault, and nobody is disappointed to see him leave, least of all Jaskier.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,770
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    277
    Bookmarks:
    30
    Hits:
    1395
  6. Tags
    Summary

    I read the Witcher books, and Geralt is a sensitive boi about the whole mutant thing. Multiple times he mutters to himself about how THoSe PeoPLE don't think he has FeElings.

    So I just really think he'd be charmed as hell by Netflix Jaskier. It would be big 'I've had him for a day and a half and if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this tavern and then myself' energy.

    So I imagined what would happen if Book Geralt met Netflix Jaskier that day at that tavern in Posada. (Spoiler he loves him.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    75,421
    Chapters:
    18/?
    Comments:
    2182
    Kudos:
    3862
    Bookmarks:
    832
    Hits:
    66863
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier has an embarrassing tattoo on his lower back, a fact that he’s managed to conceal from his travel companion Geralt, up until the witcher meets Valdo Marx who was there when he got it.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    929
    Chapters:
    2/3
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    48
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    403
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier and Valdo have spent years just having one night stands with each other whenever they meet and now Jaskier wants more than that.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    800
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    9
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    113
  9. Tags
    Summary

    “Look who we have here! My dear little Julian!” Valdo greets him, like fucking always, and Jaskier has to roll his eyes.
    “Marx.” he replies, hoping it will deter the other bard from sitting down opposite him across the table, but alas.
    “Why, I haven’t seen you since before I was asked to stay the winter at Lord Franciszek’s court!”
    Trust Valdo to brag as he attempts to make pleasantries. Jaskier sighs and takes a big mouthful of his wine. He is going to need it.
    “Met your witcher there in fact. Good man, that. The mouth on him, oh my!”
    Jaskier almost chokes. He what now?!

    Or; Valdo decides to fuck with Jaskier by hinting Geralt fucked him. Chaos is immenent.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,055
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    23
    Kudos:
    398
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    2347
  10. Tags
    Summary

    A Valdo Marx villain origin story. In which one bard betrays anothers trust.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    238
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Kudos:
    5
    Hits:
    82
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Set after end of S1. Jaskier has returned to Oxenfurt and agreed to a senior teaching position. Dijkstra is trying to recruit him at the same time, he’s being watched closely.

    At the annual Academy ball, Jaskier is the guest of honour as the newest addition to the teaching staff and due to his fame. Many people of influence will be there – lords, ladies, minor royals, advisors to kings and queens, and spies of course.

    The elves need to know what the North’s plans are – they need to spy on the ball. Bad luck leads to Filavandrel getting caught – but Jaskier saves him by pretending he’s his date, and hey, the night is still young…

    First fic of the ten Filavandrel pairing prompts given to me on Twitter.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,296
    Chapters:
    3/?
    Comments:
    22
    Kudos:
    46
    Bookmarks:
    11
    Hits:
    379
  12. Tags
    Summary

    A year after the dreaded Djinn Incident, Jaskier's life couldn't be better. He has Geralt's affections, an adoring public, and nothing but hope that this good fortune will continue.

    In another town, Valdo Marx discovers a djinn of his own. Overcome with hatred for his rival, Valdo wishes to take his place as the Witcher's Bard, rewriting time to place him, not Jaskier, at Geralt's side.

    In the aftermath of the wish, Jaskier wakes to a world that doesn't know his name-- and a witcher who swears they've never met.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,676
    Chapters:
    6/8
    Comments:
    111
    Kudos:
    252
    Bookmarks:
    58
    Hits:
    4272
  13. Tags
    Summary

    The beer is stale as it goes down his throat, burning and disgusting but it feels right. It felt right as he growled into the mug, cried into the mug. He’s supposed to be over him! This is supposed to be okay, and maybe it would have been okay if a year and eight months ago he was where he could’ve been saved, but no- he didn’t know that. Jaskier didn’t know that a year and eight months ago he was being searched for as a professor and not a famous musician but really it should have made sense because neither Yennefer nor Geralt thought his singing was very good—

    a pie without filling.

    He tangles a scarred hand in his hair, shoving the tankard aside as he slid down the wooden wall. The door eventually cracked open, and there sat Bernard- lovely, amazing, kind Bernard.

    “Are you..?”

    “Don’t,” Jaskier rasped, rubbing desperately at his eyes.

    ———

    After what happened on the mountain Jaskier finds fame. Rience finds him in a small port town instead of Oxenfurt and a year (and eight months) later Geralt finds him in a small port town instead of Oxenfurt.
    Burn Butcher Burn ensues, as do bitter feelings and biting words.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,895
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    29
    Kudos:
    176
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    2884
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Now, where he fucks into himself, arching his back and pulling up his knees, Valdo is watching again. What else can he do?
    "Vahl- ... Valdo." Jaskier pants out, and well, there is one thing he can do. Usually, he is sleeping in just his pajama pants, but tonight he had chosen to sleep in just his underwear. The air is cool against his skin as he rises from the bed, padding across the floor, and standing next to Jaskier's bed.
    "You want me?" Valdo asks coldly, studying the hot flush running down the expanse of Jaskier's body. His shirt is open, revealing soft and sweaty skin. Valdo wants to reach out, he wants to claim, but he needs a response first.
    "I want.... Yes.... Please."

    Or; Bards secretly wanting each other and dealing with it poorly or something, idk xDD

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,233
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    7
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    360
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier has always been told that he's too much, but he's pretty sure he has a plan. Step one: follow the witcher around. That's it, that's the plan.

    Title from Blossoms by The Amazing Devil

    Tags will be updated as we go. Noncon is not between any of the tagged ships, but is described. Detailed warnings for each chapter in the notes.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,585
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    195
    Kudos:
    773
    Bookmarks:
    168
    Hits:
    12118
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Julian Alfred Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove, is sick of his nobility duty, kind of ambassador on Cintra in the name of his country, Kerack. So when the Queen Calanthe, Lioness of Cintra, and Jaskier's aunt, is not looking too closely at him, Julian is *Jaskier* the Bard.

    Only Ciri and the mice of the Castle know Jaskier’s desire to become a real bard.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,185
    Chapters:
    1/6
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    275
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Inspired by this hilarious tweet where the OP read Bard Romance instead of Bad Romance: https://twitter.com/haplotyp/status/1510674849064226817?t=6xxf883Sc_FZVOsf8al3FQ&s=19

    Or in other words:The fic where I attempt to create a new bardic term, Valdo is an arse, (but knows a few things about writing a spiteful song) Jaskier is heartbroken after the mountain and a complete mess but they somehow still have sex and Jaskier acquires a new coat.

    Don't judge me, I'm bad at summaries ^^""

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,603
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    11
    Hits:
    147
  18. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier is tired of having awful first dates with awful men.

    Geralt's date never shows up.

    Destiny has better plans for them.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,050
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    24
    Kudos:
    290
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    1984
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Jaskier finds himself leading a witcher into the sewers of Oxenfurt for a contract.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,167
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    295
    Bookmarks:
    13
    Hits:
    1574
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Modern AU “and they were roommates” geraskier getting together, with appearances by Ciri & Valdo. Geralt is probably grey ace or demi here. This started as something small and silly and non-shippy and quickly grew into something else entirely.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,932
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    150
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    807

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