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  1. Tags
    Summary

    It’s Paris in the summer of 2024, and world-famous diving champion Ed Teach is representing New Zealand in what could be his final Olympics. After coming back from an almost career-ending injury he’s focussed everything he's got on winning gold at these Games, but when he meets Stede Bonnet—a first-time diving rival representing Barbados—at the infamous free condom handout and then discovers they're roommates, he’s suddenly got a lot more to think about.

    As Ed’s synchronisation with his long-term diving partner Izzy Hands begins to falter and Stede struggles with his confidence, believing in each other might be the only thing that gets them both through. In between, they're going to take this brief, fated time together to connect in every possible way they can.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    59,416
    Chapters:
    7/9
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    390
    Kudos:
    426
    Bookmarks:
    92
    Hits:
    4304
  2. Tags
    Summary

    When Stede is nine years old, he loses his new red, silk handkerchief.

    A soulmate AU where Stede and Edward unwittingly share everything they own. It doesn't change anything, and it changes everything

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    86,973
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Comments:
    1373
    Kudos:
    1853
    Bookmarks:
    509
    Hits:
    31304
  3. Tags
    Summary

    2022. 18-year-old Stede Bonnet decides to upend his and his fiancée’s comfortable lives for half a year by going on a foreign student exchange to an Arts High School. Things did not go as planned…

    Aka the Gen Z High School AU I’m writing because I’m a Gen Z High Schooler and you write what you know.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,371
    Chapters:
    1/?
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    23
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Chef Teach is known in his city for two things: owning Blackbeard’s Bar & Grill & Other Delicacies (& Delights), and being an intimidating, hot-tempered individual not to be crossed with. In reality though, he’s secretly lost his passion for the art, spending most of his time managing the place cooped up in his office, bored out of his skull.

    Until one day he decides to hire a fascinating blonde man who’s only in the city for the next six months for the hell of it. What could go wrong?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    37,934
    Chapters:
    6/?
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    28
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    346
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Ed is well-known for his wild and reckless behaviour. He’s popular but bored and frustrated with the other students and with his life in general.
    Stede on the other hand, struggles to make friends. When Ed meets the innocent and anxious space-enthusiast, he immediately feels a spark and they both find comfort in being together.
    However their relationship keeps going wrong, what with Stede’s naivety, Ed’s chaotic lifestyle and constant interference from other people. They find that they both have to work hard to get back to each-other.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,285
    Chapters:
    17/?
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    42
    Bookmarks:
    6
    Hits:
    939
  6. Tags
    Summary

    What if the world ended but forgot to tell everyone?

    A colorful crew builds a post-apocalyptic life on wealthy midwesterner Stede Bonnet’s land, but after a year of surviving with no contact with anyone, they are growing restless and decide to to find out if there are people out there, somewhere, anywhere.

    I-44 has long been a trade route for goods and services, both legitimate and illegal; Blackbeard and his gang of criminals firmly rule the latter. The apocalypse changes nothing for them, really; there’s just fewer customers, and money is kind of meaningless now.

    Blackbeard is bored.

    Stede is lonely.

    A chance meeting will set them, and their crews, on paths none of them expected.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,206
    Chapters:
    9/12
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    54
    Kudos:
    55
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    694
  7. Tags
    Summary

    Open on hot yoga studio Warrior Yoga.

    Former athlete turned personal trainer turned yogi Edward Teach is bored with his life... again.

    Enter breath of fresh air Stede Bonnet, personal financier by day and yogi by night.

    Even after a lot of therapy, acceptance, and self reflection, there's still room for them to meet and grow together.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,078
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    27
    Kudos:
    42
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    264
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Three months before the divorce, Stede, the owner of a three years old cafè called "The Revenge", reserved a table for him and Mary at "Blackbeard's Bar and Grill", the most famous restaurant in their city. After Mary asks for divorce, Stede is forced to go alone.

    Stede and Ed's friendship blooms into love through text messages, a very special souffle, and rediscovering their love for the kitchen through each other.

    Or: I put so many metaphors and love into a cafè and a restaurant.

    Updates every Tuesday!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    86,373
    Chapters:
    13/18
    Comments:
    236
    Kudos:
    146
    Bookmarks:
    48
    Hits:
    3016
  9. Tags
    Summary

    Ed, 43, is an ex-convict and successful artist. Stede wanders into Boodhari's gallery one day and Ed's never been more drawn to a person in his life.

    Only problem is, Stede won't let himself have Ed. Stede has a secret and Ed has absolutely no fucking patience for it.

    OR
    Ed has a bunch of chance encounters and phone sex with some hot weirdo named Stede.

    “You startled me,” the man says. He's holding himself in an odd way, like he isn't afraid to fill space despite not knowing the proper way to do it. “I didn't- well, no one's ever down here.”

    “No worries, mate,” Ed says with a wave of his hand. Cool. “Feel free to browse. Cut the light on your way out.”

    The man doesn't move. Instead, he peers sort of suspiciously at Ed, clears his throat, and asks in a high voice, “I'm sorry, were you- were you hiding?”

    “No,” Ed answers quickly.

    “You were,” the man says, voice a bit more certain of itself. “You were hiding down here in the dark.”

    “I wasn't.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    34,516
    Chapters:
    13/15
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    185
    Kudos:
    195
    Bookmarks:
    36
    Hits:
    3708
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Ed runs BlackBearded Games, and his crew is doing an exclusive short campaign. He's done these a million times. But he's immediately intrigued by the cute blonde who has zero idea what any TTRPG is, what class he'd like to play, or what he's doing. Ed, in an effort not to be Horny On Main decides to flirt in game...with predictable consequences.

    Or: The D&D campaign AU no one else ever asked for!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,618
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    129
    Kudos:
    121
    Bookmarks:
    21
    Hits:
    1124
  11. Tags
    Summary

    Izzy’s discomfort has been clear as they’ve continued to sail together on the Revenge. Ed’s attempts at reaching out all seem to fail until Izzy’s anxieties come to a head and he returns to an old coping mechanism.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    28,729
    Chapters:
    5/?
    Comments:
    49
    Kudos:
    240
    Bookmarks:
    40
    Hits:
    2540
  12. Tags
    Summary

    My fic for OFMD Kinktober 2022!

    Stede Bonnet is fresh out of the closet and ready to try everything he's denied himself his entire life. When he hires one of the best professional Doms in the business, he has no idea what to expect other than what he's seen on dodgy websites. What he gets is something so much better.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    86,953
    Chapters:
    17/31
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    668
    Kudos:
    690
    Bookmarks:
    168
    Hits:
    16693
  13. Tags
    Summary

    Stede Bonnet is newly divorced and freshly back in the dating world. His friends run a queer dating group and he quickly falls for the first man he dates, Jack. Edward Teach is fucking bored. His restaurant opened by him and his boyfriend Jack is falling apart, and he can’t bring himself to care. His world is turned upside down when he receives a mysterious dm titled “I think I’m dating your boyfriend.” Can they teach Jack a lesson, and maybe find love along the way?

    This is a modern romcom smau. This is my first social media au, so please enjoy!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,237
    Chapters:
    32/?
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    12
    Kudos:
    63
    Bookmarks:
    14
    Hits:
    850
  14. Tags
    Summary

    A tender, sexy (?), Steddyhands, android/AI Izzy comedy sickfic no one asked for but that I hope you will enjoy. Ft. Stizzy snark, sexy pirate engineer Ed, a cranky replicator, and former sex robot turned ship AI Izzy dealing with an unprecedented virus when they’re stuck together in a pod returning home to The Revenge. This is a very chicken soup sickfic, with a little bit of sex. The cold capsule episode of your favorite space/pirate romance, if you will. CW: Izzy briefly mentions his time as a sex worker.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,266
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    26
    Kudos:
    76
    Bookmarks:
    10
    Hits:
    437
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Ed and Al come back from Central after a long time. It's been over nine months since the two last saw Winry, but have been in constant contact.
    Over the months, Edward realized he was in love with Winry. He doesn't know how to process his feelings, especially around Winry.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,441
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Kudos:
    3
    Hits:
    106
  16. Tags
    Summary

    It’s seven-thirty on a Sunday evening when Ed drops on the couch having cooked and devoured dinner; he’s about to lift his legs to rest on the coffee table—his house, his goddamn rules—when his phone buzzes by his side. The glow of the screen shines on his face in the dimmed living room as the notification reads: “stedebonnet0306 started following blackbeardzzz”

     

    Ed mistakes Stede's explicit tumblr account for a porn bot

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    24,721
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    150
    Kudos:
    736
    Bookmarks:
    152
    Hits:
    5570
  17. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach owns and operates the Kinky Kraken: Pleasures for All, an inclusive sex shop downtown.
    Stede is having a difficult time with his marriage. In particular, pleasing his wife, Mary. He decides to spice things up and visits the sex shop most highly recommended by his friends.
    or
    Ed falls for the loser who visits his sex shop and Stede falls for the hot sex shop owner (and the tentacle dildos 👀) CHEATING MAY ENSUE
    it's kind of slow-going, and there are many mistakes in the beginning but it's my first SMAU and I think it'll be picking up again now that I have canva pro lol

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,205
    Chapters:
    2/?
    Comments:
    3
    Kudos:
    4
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    79
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The 80s are in full swing, and the golden decade of Nintendo Gameboys’ and Sony Walkmans’ has never looked better. In the neon jungle, Stede Bonnet, a young salaryman, meets enigmatic mechanic apprentice Edward Teach, and the pair strike up an unlikely friendship via fax machine, page beepers and gifts in the mail.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    72,005
    Chapters:
    108/?
    Comments:
    2395
    Kudos:
    3170
    Bookmarks:
    938
    Hits:
    82782
  19. Tags
    Summary

    Ed is trying to give Stede a backrub and his brain is getting in the way. Stede has an idea for how to help. (It’s a vibrating buttplug.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,875
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    19
    Kudos:
    203
    Bookmarks:
    27
    Hits:
    1039
  20. Tags
    Summary

    Jurassic park (1993 movie) rewrite with steddyhands as Ellie Sattler (Stede) /Ian Malcolm (Edward) / Alan Grant (Izzy) with Alma and Louis as the kids (and other ofmd character cameos.)

    -
    Stede is holding a large plant leaf, examining it closely. “This shouldn't be here.”

    Izzy looks around them, and movement catches his eye. His mouth drops open, eyes wide with shock. He can’t believe what he’s seeing. He stands to get a better look, and in the seat beside him, Edward removes his sunglasses.

    Stede is still focused on the leaf. “Izzy, this species of veriforman has been extinct since the Cretaceous period. I mean this thing–”

    Izzy reaches down, silently turning Stede's head in the direction he's facing.

    “Israel, What the-” he goes stone silent in shock, standing up.

    There’s a massive Brachiosaurus towering over the trees.

    Izzy, Stede, and Edward jump out of the jeep and move to get a closer look.

    “Just look at that…” Stede breathes, face slack with wonder.

    “You did it. You crazy son-of-a-bitch, you did it.” Ed says, still giggling like a madman.  

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,951
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    39
    Kudos:
    31
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    319

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