Chapter Text
Sue was frozen, her heart beating hard on her chest, sharing the thumps with the rest of her body.
What could she even say to that?
How did this happen without them noticing?
She knew he struggled, they all did, how could she have let this belief settle so deep into his chest?
She teared up, Johnny laid on the sand, the weight from years of pain and sorrows clear on his face, even under the bright colors caused by the sundown, light didn’t seem to reach his eyes.
“What can we do to help?” Sue whispered, desperately looking for answers, anything.
They couldn’t allow this to fester anymore than they had, she’s not sure how much more Johnny can handle before taking the initiative to snuff himself out.
The thought filled her with dread, how would they move on from his sunny smiles, how would the sunrise without his light to guide it.
“There’s nothing to do, I gave up a long time ago” Johnny said, tears rolling silently down his cheeks “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I really tried” He sobbed “I really tried to be smart and kind a-and to be good enough… But I failed, I only give you troubles, I’m so so so sorry”
Sue pulled him up into her arms, slowly rocking them side to side, she massaged circles into his back, and loudly kissed the side of his head as he hid on her shoulder.
“You’re good baby” She said firmly “You are smart and kind”
“No I’m not-”
“Stop” She whispered, interrupting him “You are, you are good, you are enough and smart and kind…” Her own eyes swelled up as she felt tremors running through his body “...I don’t know… I don’t know how to help you” He deflated against her she could feel his hopelessness through his skin “But I will, Johnny there hasn’t been a time in my life where I have ever regretted taking care of you, seeing you grow up was one of the best things in my life”
“But I gave you so much work… I still do”
“And I hope you will forever, you’re not heavy to hold Johnny, you have your flaws we all do, that doesn’t make you a bad person” She said softly, before pulling him away.
Johnny kept his eyes closed, shame displayed all over his face, Sue gently carded her fingers through his hair, trying to fluff up his usually well cared for soft waves, grease stuck to her fingers as she struggled through the knots.
“You are not just the human torch, the human torch is good because you are him, not the other way around, his courage, smarts, strength, kindness and care are all you” Her hands cupped his face as she guided him to look up, his eyes fluttering open with hesitation.
Sue softened, even with the pain that filled him, his baby brother looked at her with such wonder and trust, like she held all the answers to the doubts that made him drown, but she didn’t.
“Johnny I want to help you, you don’t have to feel like this all the time, I can’t watch you treat yourself like you’re worth nothing, but you have to let me in” Her voice wavered.
She could see Reed and Ben approaching, sitting down at each side of them.
“You are not alone kid” Ben rested his hand on “I’m sorry we let you feel like you were for so long”
“Not your fault…” Johnny let himself fall to the side, to Ben’s hard chest, the man cradled him slowly rubbing his back like Sue had done minutes earlier.
“But it is” Reed said, eyes focused on Johnny “You were only a child when we became… us, you were just exploring who you were as a person and suddenly you found yourself being pushed into the adult world, and we were so busy with our own lives that we forgot to guide you”
“We’re family matchstick” Ben’s voiced rumbled “Let us be there for you”
Time stopped as they all watched Johnny, he frowned deep in thought, before he gave a tired nod.
“What do I…?” Johnny asked “How do we do this?”
“Don’t worry about it… let’s just enjoy the view for now” Ben said, adjusting himself so that Johnny could watch the water once again.
Sue smiled softly to herself, things weren’t fine but they would be, they had to.
Reed moved himself towards her, and she pushed herself into his side, as her hand grabbed Johnny's.
It was an awkward position, but it worked for them.
The sun quickly went away, more distant stars following close behind, lighting up the sky.
Sue could see Johnny’s eyes widen as they always did when watching the night sky, it was nice to know that his infinite hunger for space was still there.
She smiled to herself, despite everything Johnny would always be the kid that loves the stars.
…..
Ben waited in the car, newspaper in hand, pop music that he would never admit to listen to filling the car, the sunlight warming his legs, heat seeping through the rocky cracks of his skin.
He had been waiting for fifteen minutes perhaps, Sue insisted that they always made it to the private hospital at least twenty minutes before the right time, just in case she would say.
So there he was, in a hidden parking lot during an unusually sunny day in winter time.
A soft knock pulled him out of his thoughts, he unlocked the door without even looking at the figure entering the car, the smoke scent that clung to him making his identity undeniable.
Johnny roughly pulled his winter hat from his head, he didn’t really need it, but it worked to hide his identity when walking during the colder months, after all nobody expected the human torch to need winter wear.
He sank on his seat, softly hitting his head against the window.
“So it didn’t go well?” Ben asked, putting down his newspaper and starting the car.
Johnny sighed and crossed his arms.
“They changed my medication…for the seventh time…” Johnny muttered.
Ben let out a hum, Sue had convinced her younger brother to go to therapy six months ago and it had been a difficult time for all of them but it had been, obviously, horrible for Johnny.
The process of getting a hospital far enough from the city, to then curate several professionals that meant the standard they were looking for and for Johnny to eventually find one he liked enough to talk to, had been arduous and frustrating.
And when they finally thought they had it down, his therapist had strongly suggested psychiatric help as well.
Which was another odyssey of its own, any medication had to be run by Reed so that he could create a variant that actually worked for Johnny due to his metabolism, so the process to find a medication and dose that worked for Johnny was trickier to say the least.
Johnny felt like shit, he thought that he was burdening Reed, taking his precious time and forcing the man to spend it on him.
To the point that at the fourth time they upped or changed his medication he didn’t tell anyone, it took an emergency call from his therapist for them to figure it out.
They knew things would get worse before they got better, but God it hurt to see him like that.
It was a miracle he didn’t get institutionalized, Ben knew that if it had been absolutely necessary, even if reluctantly they would have done it, they were aware that the type of treatment usually helped.
But Johnny didn’t function like a regular human on a biological level, the only person who really understood how deep their mutations worked was Reed, so to put him in an inpatient treatment program would not only endanger Johnny’s quality of life but also, in the kid’s mind, it would prove that he was too much at the end.
So instead they had reached an agreement where Johnny’s psychiatrist would inform them of any medication change, without telling them the reason to keep his privacy, five days after the appointments to give Johnny the chance to tell them himself.
Usually Johnny would hesitate to tell them, and they would find out just the day before they were supposed to be notified, as Johnny stubbornly insisted on telling them first, if just to maintain a facade of control over the situation, the fact that he was telling him now right after the appointment was actually a nice surprise, even if they were not exactly good news.
“Meh, seven is not that high of a number, Reed has crashed the car way more times than that” He chuckled to himself.
“It fucking sucks” Johnny muttered “I should feel fine by now, you are wasting so much time and money on me and I still feel like” He gestured to himself “Like this”
“First of all we’re not wasting anything, second as Mrs Hillford has told you there is no rush to heal” He said parroting the kid’s therapist.
Johnny huffed against the window as he hugged himself.
“I… um… Ben?”
“Yes?” Ben asked hesitantly, before slowing down and parking at the side of the road, to give Johnny his full attention.
“I… I think… Could we…” Johnny swallowed audibly, face towards the window “Could we watch The Addams Family tonight?...”
Ben’s face turned sympathetic, they had made major progress when it came to Johnny hiding his emotions, and even though he struggled to do it he had developed little cues for himself, that once they catched on, made it easy to tell he was having a particularly ‘Off’ day.
Asking to watch The Addams Family was his way of telling them he didn’t or couldn’t be alone.
“Sure thing matchstick” Ben said softly, while sending a quick message to the Baxter Building, informing them of the situation “Would you feel up to drinking some hot cocoa?”
Johnny stayed silent for a minute before shrugging weakly, Ben sighed a bit, at least it wasn’t a no.
Off days also meant that he would be having trouble eating, sometimes he forced himself for their sake but would end up throwing up, while profusely apologizing.
“Ok thank you for telling me kid” Ben said proudly, and turned the car back on.
Once they got to the tower they would all cuddle on the couch, watching one of their now many recordings of The Addams Family, there would be snacks, pizza and many many many hugs.
Things weren’t right yet but it was okay, for now they would be the stars to light up the sky while their sun rested.